I Can't Breathe- Don't Just Sit There Doing Nothing

How many more times must we hear these words before we say "Enough"?

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

I love words. I look up to words. I use words. I play with words. Basically, I worship words.

But words are not, and never, enough to right a wrong. 

It is only actions that will change what we are a part of. All of us. This social unrest is not about a ‘segment of our society’. 

It is about us as a society. 

Not "them", Not "others", Not "someone else."

There are many ways we can all become part of the solution. Today, there are many who are incredibly gifted at mobilizing change in big, powerful, and meaningful ways. I admire them, and am so grateful for their efforts, and abilities to organize the change that must occur so that everyone feels safe and seen in our society. But community organizing may not be what you and I can do. Does that mean we have no way to participate in this change? No. Does that mean we are powerless and voiceless? No. 

We can be significant and influential agents of justice in ways that will add up. Like the drops in an ocean. We can look at our sphere of influence and choose to speak up and actively make decisions that swiftly move the cause of racial equality forward. Every act and word counts. Something as simple as calling up a friend and saying, “I stand with you. You are not alone.” 

And it’s a good idea to let go of the notion that you understand what they go through on a daily basis. That’s insulting and patronizing. How we hire, how we mentor and promote people, how we reach out and encourage someone to aspire to be their best version. How we believe in someone. How we look to understand someone and their journey is a start. 

Asking questions, and then truly listening. All of this matters. 

Start somewhere. Start small. Do whatever you can do. 

But don’t just sit there doing nothing!

It's a matter of our survival. Not only theirs. 

Love,
Sunita

#icantbreathe #socialunrest #racial #MLK #martinlutherkingjunior #dosomething #speakup #love #justice #listen #understand #blacklivesmatter #istandwothyou #blacksisters #blackbrothers 

BID for a KISS When Feeling Overwhelmed, Stuck or Slow in this Pandemic- It Works!

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

As we move into having months, not weeks of living in the time of a pandemic under our belt, we can look back and start to see how it is affecting us.

I have found myself discover a new focus and clarity that was something I had always wished for, and was worked diligently towards. The current crisis seems to have put all my past efforts in a basket, and zapped them into a magic crystal. I carry that crystal of my stripped persona everywhere these days. It allows me to direct my attention and energies to what is most important to me. And it energizes me.

We will need such clarity to survive this serious threat to our lives, and our world. I believe it is not only possible to survive this time, but rise above the challenge of the pandemic, and thrive. And I intend to do my best to transform.

But I have found something that I never really experienced before in the way that I do these days.

I can be going about tacking complex and difficult problems, creatively making plans, and energetically executing them in order to move past the barriers that COVID 19 has strewn in my life. Things will be going swimmingly well. I feel alert and capable. But after a few hours of doing such productive work, I suddenly fall flat. It's like I am a balloon that just lost all its air.

I can't think. I sometimes can't even move. Forget about continuing to be in the zone. I feel depleted. I am overwhelmed. And I feel stuck.

It's as if I have become another person...

It took me a while, but I've found a way to move past this pandemic induced state. I share it here with you with the hope that it will be helpful to you too in such moments.

When I feel stuck, overwhelmed, slow or stressed, I now STOP.

I remember that I must be my own first responder.

I then go back to the basics of conscious breathing.
( I find Thay's guide "How Do I Love Myself?" a very helpful practice for this)

Once I feel deeply connected to my body and my mind, I BID for a KISS.

BID stands for Break It Down.

KISS stands for Keep It Super Simple.

I essentially break down what I am doing into small, bite size chunks. And I simplify my tasks. I reorganize my thoughts to accommodate this shift and resume my day.

And if I'm lucky enough to see my husband close by, I bid for his kiss as well. It always makes me feel better!

Be patient and kind with yourself. We are all facing enormous challenges, both physically and mentally. We are coping with the pressures of uncertainty and having to come up with new ways to live and work. That is daunting and is requiring a tremendous amount of energy. No wonder we feel stuck and overwhelmed. It's natural to feel that way under such circumstances. But there are ways to get unglued from that inertia. I hope you will consider a BID for a KISS at such times. It really works!

With my best to you for an unglued week,
Love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #stuck #breakitdown #keepitsupersimple #covid19tips #selfcare #selflove #gustavklimt #thekiss #vienna #austria

Softness. Flexibility. Adaptability. Fluidity- A Prophetic Ask of Mine at The Start of 2020- Who Knew How Much We Would Need Them Today

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

When I wrote my first blog of the year on January 5th, 2020 I asked the universe to grace me with the state of being fluid so I could be more present in my life.

Little did I know how much flexibility would be needed just to survive in the new, scary and uncertain times of the COVID-19 pandemic. Everything has changed since I wrote that article just a few months ago..

We are now slowly grasping the reality of our new world, and what it will take to emerge physically, and mentally in good health from this dark time. A combination therapy like necessary approach of social distancing, screening for symptoms of COVID-19, wearing masks and frequent hand washing has us reeling.

Within weeks, how we work, play and live has undergone severe, and previously unimaginable changes. The new patterns are extremely restrictive, and socially isolating. Financial worries, additional responsibilities at home, and forced separation from our loved ones have added to the stress of the possibility of catching the virus, and getting sick. Even worse, we understand the ease with which we could unknowingly infect those whom we dearly love.

So how can one not only survive this turbulence, but thrive?

The answer lies in my wishes at the start of 2020. Looking back, they seem incredibly prophetic and critically essential for the times we face today. I firmly believe, they hold the key to helping us rise above the tyranny and heartlessness of COVID-19.

So I share them with you again, in the hopes, that they will spark in you a resilience that is marked by softness, flexibility, adaptability and fluidity.

There is hope and life beyond this virus. I intend to fight to be there to embrace it.

I hope you will too!
Stay Home, Stay Safe, Stay Well,
Love,
Sunita

Happy New Year to you and yours!

I have started the year on a note of great optimism and excitement. Like many of you, I relish this opportunity to re-imagine and reset my life. In my home and my work place, the last few weeks have been all about cleaning, organizing, discarding the unnecessary and simplifying my environment so I can focus on what is important to me in a more efficient way. This cleansing also helps me be more joyful as it is designed to facilitate my Heart Bliss's.

But when I think deeply about the coming year and the years still to come, I am left with a prayer for only one thing. And it has nothing to do with my passions, my purpose, my goals or even my intentions. But it is the source of what I now know is the key to Being. Without it, I am not present. Nor am I truly living.

Softness. Flexibility. Adaptability. Fluidity. 

I believe that we receive what we are searching for, when we seek it with all our heart and soul. In life, a Master appears when we are ready for the lesson. This poem is such a master.

HARDNESS

Living people

are soft and tender.

Corpses are hard and stiff.

The ten thousand things,

the living grass, the trees,

are soft, pliant.

Dead, they're dry and brittle.

So hardness and stiffness

go with death;

tenderness, softness,

go with life.

And the hard sword fails,

the stiff tree's felled.

The hard and great go under.

The soft and weak stay up.

These words from the Tao Te Ching are thought to be over 2500 years old. They are believed to be written by a man named Lao Tzu who may have been a contemporary of Confucius. This poem is from Ursula Le Guin's version of the Tao Te Ching and speaks to my searching soul. 

In a world of millions of choices and options, it soothes me and guides me to Just Be. I start to flow like a quiet brook in a leafy forest when I read it. It moves me to a place where I am able to sit still and wait for what the Universe has for me. And most importantly, it reminds me that I will be stronger if I go with what is given to me instead of fighting it. With this wisdom, I surrender. In this surrender, I find my strength, discover joy and achieve my goals.

I hope you do too.

With my very best wishes to you for 2020,

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#poetry#taoteching#laotzu#ursulaleguin#wisdom#2020#happynewyear#softness #flexibility #adaptability #fluidity #resilience

How Mother's Day in the Midst of a Pandemic is An Opportunity to Give Our Children Something Timeless and Invaluable

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today's post is dedicated to our world's Front Line Mothers who are a shining example, on a daily basis, of how to live courageously, and selflessly serve humanity.Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

COVID-19 has changed our world but my advice to my daughters since I originally posted this blog on May 10, 2019 remains the same. 

There are however a few thoughts I felt the need to highlight for them this year in this re-post of that article.

If I choose to live with courage, it will take me through good times and bad.

COVID-19 had definitely challenged me but I am brave, resourceful and resilient. And that is how I am moving forward. 

With hope! 

I also feel it is very important for them to know that at times I am scared and sad. And, that is OK. 

Many times, I don't have answers when I get up. I accept that painful feeling and then, process the fear and paralysis that this uncertainty brings me by working through the problems that present themselves. I usually have a better idea of what to do by the end of the day. Or a little later.

May 10, 2019

I am grateful each and every day to have been chosen to be my daughters, Nina and Simrin's mother.

I believe my biggest job as their mother is to live my life in a manner that inspires them to be the best human beings possible.

It is my hope

- that my courage to be honest and open about my struggles will free them to live lives that are authentic and true to who they are, not to the unrealistic expectations of others.

- that my fight to overcome childhood trauma will encourage them to disallow  challenges to bully them into making a choice of leading a 'small life'.

- that my decision to publish Stripping : My Fight to Find Me , a collection of poems that journals my pain and suffering due to trauma, demonstrates to them how being open to being vulnerable led me to being  brave.

It is my deepest wish

- that their existence be not only free of suffering, but one of joy.

- to see them live lives of curiosity, their choice and in alignment with their truth

- that they not only live happy lives, but more importantly, of meaning and purpose.

- that they make a difference in this world.

The commitment that I have made to being compassionate and kind to myself,  Self Love Self Care First , is the legacy that I want to leave for them. 

Above all, I want them to experience and cherish the greatest gift of life- Love!
Because what else is there to talk about?

Wishing you all a very blessed Mother's Day!
May you be safe and healthy,
With my love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #resilience #pandemic #covid19 #resourcefulness #joy #vulnerability #trauma #healing #mother #daughters #courage #bravery #honesty #love #frontline #gratitude

5 Things you Can Do to Feel Better Today

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

We are a bag of varied, and complex emotions these days. We all may be impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic to a different degree, and in different ways, but it is impossible to remain unaffected by it's presence in our lives.

The order to 'stay home' to help limit the spread of the virus has come with a heavy price tag. But it has also brought us a rare opportunity to slow down.

Every day, the hours can be filled by continuously visiting various social media sites, and being glued to the 24/7 news about everything corona. There is no lack of opinions, forecasts and projections of what lies ahead.

"Staying informed" this way actually makes us feel helpless, sad and worried. It makes us feel like we have no control over anything that is unfolding. That is true to a large extent, but it neglects to highlight what is in our hands.

Here are 5 things you can do today to feel better.

1. Stay away from social media and opinion makers. Filling your mind with what others are doing and saying is like giving away your prime real estate to others for free. News is designed to engage and enrage you. Keep your mind calm and relaxed for you to use as you work to figure out what your future could look like, and plan what you need to do to make things happen once the 'stay home' order is lifted. 
2. Make a list of the 5-10 people who would miss you the most, and would be impacted the most severely if you were to die of COVID-19. Focus your efforts and energies on them. It will help you to have direction and control over your intentions and actions, as opposed to being stuck in a helpless OMG! What can I do mode?
3. Clean out a closet or a cupboard. Throw away, or give away stuff that you have not used in the past 24 months. Critically evaluate what you really need and simplify that area of your home.
4. Make a list of 3 things/people you are truly grateful for. Spend some time mindfully thinking about them. Let your body feel your gratitude. 
5. Make a list of 3 things you have done to help others during this pandemic. Give yourself some credit. Pat yourself humbly on the back. Feel good about yourself. Hold on to that feeling and remind yourself that you can feel this way every time you are helpful in the future. Too often we minimize our kindness to others and negatively compare our efforts to those who may be in a better position than us to help.

Just imagine how happy, in control and empowered you will feel if you repeat these 5 things regularly during the "Stay Home" period. And, if you choose to continue this practice after that order is lifted as well...

Wishing you a week of simplicity, productivity, happiness and gratitude!
Stay safe, stay well,
Love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#COVID-19#feelbetter#simplicity#gratitude#happiness#wellness

In the New World of COVID-19 We are Seeking This with a Desperate Sense of Urgency

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

There has been no let up of the tragic loss of life and devastation that COVID-19 has brought us. What's even more troubling is that we still do not have a clear picture of what life is going to look like in 1, 3, 6, 12 or more months from now. This uncertainty makes for dark times.

Dr. Devi Sridhar, chair of global public health at the University of Edinburgh in a recent article in The Guardian writes, "... there are huge gaps in what we know about this virus, including about immunity, about the possibility and timeline for a vaccine or antiviral therapy, about who exactly is vulnerable, and about long-term health implications. In this uncertainty, countries that are actively working to contain this virus and keep numbers as low as possible are buying time to build a more informed policy response while also protecting their economies and societies. Others, by letting the virus spread slowly through their populations (only flattening the curve instead of completely stopping the spread), are just gambling with people’s lives, and will be caught in cycles of lock down/release that will destroy the economy and cause social unrest, as well as increased Covid-19- and non-Covid-19-related deaths."

What can one take from all of this? Should we open up our businesses? Should we not? What is the best way to keep our families and ourselves safe? Will staying shut down and at home for another few months help, or not? How does that impact our economy? What about my job? Can we travel? How am I going to make it in the new economy that is unknown at this time? Will I need to retrain, switch jobs or even change professions? What about my mortgage/health insurance payments/car payment/utilities/kid's college tuition/school loan payment/etc., etc.? Can we afford that anymore?

There are infinite questions, but very few answers at this time. 

But there is certainty of one thing. 

There is a major change in our world, and our lives. 

We have been shaken to our core and now find ourselves totally displaced in our previously known scheme of things. Just like the roots of the uprooted tree laying transplanted in the water in the picture above...

We are responding in different ways to the fears that we all have in response to this sudden change and uncertainty. Despite our varying behaviors and responses, we are asking ourselves the same question.

What is my relevance in this unknown world? How will I fit in? 

It is terrifying to find ourselves on a make shift stage, in the middle of nowhere, without a script of any kind. Or a director. The performance we had rehearsed with a well known group of fellow actors, innumerable times, and together, presented with ease, delight and confidence is no longer on the playbill. On top of this confusion, incertitude and havoc, we are now joined on this stage by almost every other human being on this planet. That's about 7.5 billion people...

We are responding to this crisis in many ways. Usually we are having a mix of reactions and feelings at different times. They may come and go in waves. A few of them are being, and feeling

• Worried
  
• Helpful
• Overwhelmed
• Lonely
• Contemplative
• Reflective
• Energized
• Hopeless
• Useful
• Scared
• Productive
• Isolated 
• Foggy
• Depressed
• Anxious
• Helpless
• Sad

There has been a burst of posts and articles on social media in this COVID-19 pandemic time. Many of them are not only useful and helpful, but down right necessary. Information about the virus, tracking it's effect, healthcare responses, related social issues, humor, inspiration and efforts to help those who need assistance are critically important in this unprecedented time. 

But we have also seen some amplified cries for attention in social media by people who may be reeling from the gravity of the question above. Their fear of now being irrelevant may be driving them to post things just to be noticed. In that, they may be finding some form of fabricated, self satisfying relevance.

There will be no short cut to finding relevance of any kind in the new order that is emerging from the chaos and destruction of this dark and difficult time. It will demand reflection, honesty and courage to see a new path going forward.

We must stop to pause, and go to the core of who we believe we are. Those beliefs about ourselves will be the driving force of the creation of our new reality. The word I want to stress here is New. 

It is a new beginning. It is a shift of our consciousness. It is a new era. I believe this time offers us a chance to rephrase the questions we are asking ourselves. (You can learn more about the process of rephrasing in this recent Blog of mine.) It is time to see the abundant and ubiquitous opportunities to transform and transcend in this time.

I leave you with this poem of mine from "Stripping : My Fight to Find Me"

DEBRIS

The storm

Has now passed.

But it’s fury,

Has taken its toll.

The debris,

Spreads for miles on end.

The beach

Lies in shocked silence.

Home now 

To the washed-up destruction.

The inky sky,

A witness,

To this ruination.

Grief stricken,

In its stillness

I plead with the dawn,

"Can you wait in the wings,

A little bit longer,

While I make peace

With this night?"

Call off,

Relief and assistance.

Clean up and rebuild

Can wait.

For now

Just let 

The fading darkness

Hold me.

For now just let the fading darkness hold you...

Be kind to yourself in this difficult time. 

But know that you have the capability to rise, and create a new relevance of yourself in the times to come.

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#covid19#uncertainty#darkness#relevance#rephrasing#change#fear#transformation#transcendence#newbeginnings#reflection#introspection#devisridhar#TheGuardian

Why Your Post COVID-19 Pandemic Health and Wellness Must be Your Focus Today

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

It is impossible to predict what our life will look like in the years to come but one thing is certain. If we do not deal with the full gamut of emotions that have come along with the COVID pandemic and its impact on us, then we are certain to see a wave of physical and mental illnesses plague us in the future.

Let me explain.

Right now we are in the middle of coping with the immediate effects of the assault of Coronavirus. This has involved us to respond to the threat of COVID 19 to our health and our lives and taking actions that are designed to protect us.

Extreme and sudden changes in our patterns of living and movement in the world have taken a tremendous amount of energy from us. Staying home, social distancing and limited physical contact with others are measures that have been imposed on us, and for the most part, voluntarily followed by most.

Support for the front line workers in health care systems and essential businesses that are the backbone of our supply chains and economy has become the focus of citizens. Organizing events and fundraisers to collect money and resources for those in our society who have been left jobless, and without means to support their families is ongoing.

We are all looking to do something to help out in some way. Big or small, it is all important and meaningful and has been the way we have found some control over this invisible, but menacing foe.

The ability to become selfless helping heroes and creative and collaborative problem solvers is the need of the hour.
That is the only way we will find a way to survive this threat to our very existence. This is what will pull us through this dark and trying time.

But what will happen if we don't deal with the full gamut of our emotions during this period of collective trauma? What follows repression of our most painful and darkest of emotions? 

Anger, rage, worry, anxiety, helplessness, grief and sadness are the tip of the iceberg of the COVID 19 darkness. All of these emotions must not only be felt by us, but dealt by us in order for us to heal and move forward. Only then do we have a future of possibility and potential. If we put all our focus on being positive and charged up to overcome, we will neglect to sit with our  feelings of loss and grief. That is a recipe for disaster in the years to come.

Because with the fundamental understanding that the mind can affect the body's physiology, what will follow will encompass not only depression and anxiety, but actual physical illnesses and chronic conditions.

It's simple.

1. The mind and body are intimately connected.
2. Stress, trauma and repressed emotions can cause real physical symptoms.
3. Understanding this connection and educating yourself is a key component in relieving symptoms.

Their Pain is Real 

is an article in the Globe and Mail by journalist Erin Anderssen on the work of Dr. Allan Abass and his team at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada. It is an excellent introduction to learn how traumatic events in our past can lead to debilitation of both our body, and our mind. These deficits and defenses cripple us and leave us unable to live a healthy and full life.

As we charge ahead into the world of tomorrow, there are many unknowns. But there is one thing that is a fact- our health and well being will remain instrumental, and the most important resource we have in helping us navigate the task of creating a future full of success, happiness, meaning and hope. For that to happen, we must acknowledge and process the feelings that have come along with this trauma in our life.

So as a critical practice of Self Love Self Care First, we must focus on our post COVID-19 health today by feeling, dealing and healing!

Wishing you a day of reflection of your pain, loss and grief,
With love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#covid19#pandemic#mindbodyconnection#trauma#health#wellness#healing#erinanderssen#allanabbass#davanloo#ISTDP

Why You Must Be Your Own First Responder During the COVID -19 Pandemic

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Here in New Jersey where I live, like many other parts of the US, and around the world, we have been under 'Stay Home' orders since mid March, with no concrete end date in sight. The COVID-19 pandemic has taken over our lives.

We may desperately want to be the person who can become superwoman or superman in response to the Coronavirus pandemic but we cannot, if we don't take care of ourselves first. And right now there are many barriers that we all face to practicing Self Love Self Care First.

The desire to help and do something is deep and genuine. Adrenaline surges will allow us to fight by becoming larger than life, and taking actions to assist in this very trying time. This can go on for a while, but in the end it will burn us out.

The shut down and necessary modifications in our work patterns and social systems have jolted us out of our familiar rhythms. That can take us down a rabbit hole. And this meandering never leads to a good place.

Worry about our jobs, families, colleagues, staff, finances and our future weigh heavily on us. The uncertainty of how our lives will be after this pandemic can quickly become an overwhelming preoccupation of our minds. A never ending loop of ruminations can lead to mental fatigue and depression.

If we do not mindfully nourish, rest and replenish ourselves, we will crash.

Our immune systems are already on overload in response to the change and challenges of this difficult time. Physical and mental exhaustion, and stress will further deplete our health and result in decreased productivity, poor decision making, relationship problems, anxiety and even serious illness.

For trauma survivors and those who suffer from mental illness, social distancing and isolation can also open the door to past and present demons that haunt us. We must slow down and focus on our hard earned freedom from mental illness, depression, addictions and anxiety. Our work to be healthy, whole and free must remain our top priority.

So what can we do to be the superheroes we want to be right now?

How can we help during this unprecedented time in our history?

By making sure our bodies and minds are well rested, calm, serene and ready for high level performance.

For that to happen, we must take care of ourselves first. We must love ourselves to be able to care for ourselves in a loving, compassionate and kind way.

By loving ourselves first, we stock up on love and have enough to share and spread to others. Humans have always needed love, but now, the world desperately need it.

We can only love others by loving ourselves first.

" Everything needs food to live, even love. If we don't know how to nurture our love, it withers. When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That's why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness". says Thich Nhat Hanh in How to Love.

Where can you begin?

How can you love yourself. Once again, I have found Thay's answer to be one of the most clear, simple, and practical ways to understand how to start loving ourselves. It has been illuminating for me. So I share it with you.

Leonardo Da Vinci's drawing of the human body

Breathe in.

Go home to your body.

Breathe mindfully.

Your body is a wonder.

I urge you to take 15 minutes to learn how to do that by watching How Do I Love Myself. You will become your own first responder by doing what Thay teaches in this short video. And that will enable you to be a superhero for others.

Connecting deeply to yourself, and loving yourself is Step 1 of being able to be of use to someone else. I hope you will join me next time to learn some simple, but very effective ways to cultivate calm, peace, direction, energy, purpose, acceptance and most importantly, hope during this pandemic.

In the meantime, stay in, stay safe and be well!
Wishing you much self love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#selflove#covid-10#pandemic#stress#anxiety#worry#overwhelmed#davinci#mindfulbreathing#howtolove#thichnahthanh#peace#calm#purpose#wellness#optimal#firstresponder