My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Monday, August 30, 2021




It's Sunita here.


If we were told we are alone from the get go, how would we live?

If we were told we are going to have to fight to find out who we truly are, would we be able to bear this truth?

Only when we are faced with losing everything, or have lost everything do we get up, and fight to reclaim ourselves.

The strength we need to survive the harshness that we experience as humans does not come after we reach a certain stage where we ‘find’ the courage to do so.

It comes from the courage we build, by taking steps to fight the adversities, losses, and challenges of life as a human.

We do not move forward towards courage. We build courage by moving forward, despite feeling weak, scared, overwhelmed, and uncertain.

No one can give us that courage. We have to dig deep inside and find it within ourselves.

Only when we decide that we cannot, and will not, live in the awful state that we are in do we make the changes that  we must to get out of our pain.

That is when our true selves emerge to discover the riches of being human. Our fight takes us to places of strength, confidence, pride, wisdom, and joy.

Yes, we are alone. That is the painful truth.

We came into this world alone. And we will leave it on our own as well. But we are connected to each other, invisibly. And to the universe. That connectedness is the energy that fuels our fight.

Only we can decide to use this energy to overcome our burdens and oppressions. Living free is the prize.

When will you say, 'No More'? It's up to you to make that choice.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self discovery #self care #alone #connected #fight #triumph #emerge

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Joseph Brodsky Weighs In On How To Deal With The Assaults On Our Mind


It's Sunita here.

I see my mind as my mansion. What is allowed in is in my control, to a large extent. Inevitably, there will be elements of the external world that will gain admittance into my mind. I have no control over that. But once those elements are in, I do have the ability to make the conscious decision to deal with them in a manner of my design.

The American Soviet poet, Joseph Brodsky offers common sense in his profound words,

.....steal or still, the echo, so you don't allow an event, however unpleasant, or momentous, to claim any more time that it took for it to occur. What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way you react.

Living free requires our mind to be in charge of what we take in. And how we process it. There is no day, or moment when the external is not affecting us. But our interpretation of events that occur, and the motivations and interests of others, can aggressively make a home in our mind, if we let them.

Once they are invited in by us, they begin to dictate the terms of their stay to us.

You will give up the best rooms in your mind to host us. We will be parasites that live off all your resources. We will steal every moment of your day from you. We will stretch out and rest, while we take over your ability to do things that make you whole and happy. We will party while you become miserable. We will enjoy the comforts of your mind, while you suffer from self torture. We will relish seeing you waste your time believing our lies and deceptions.

Nobel Laureate, Joseph Brodsky said it well in his essay 'Speech at The Stadium" in On Grief and Reason,

What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way we react.

Don't give up your time and energy to vampires. 

Keep on point with your life.

You are worth it!

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #joseph brodsky #poet #on grief and reason #speech at the stadium #mind #motivation #you are worth it #your life

Thursday, August 12, 2021

The Unknown


It's Sunita here.

The unknown.

Moving towards an unknown destination is accompanied by whatever emotion and thoughts we assign to it.

Should the unknown have to be experienced through the lens of a singular mindset, defined by a single emotion?

Curiosity. Resistance. Fear. Excitement. Elation. Wonder. Apprehension. Nervousness. Gladness…

We usually experience a mix of multiple emotions, of which we end up focusing on a few. The ones we zone into end up determining our mood, as we stand at the precipice of change.

Change is the flow of life that will not go away.
It is the only permanence in the impermanence of our existence.

Yet we resist it mightily with all we have got within us.


Because change means we have to let go of something that has become dear, or habitual to us. A person. A habit. A house. A relationship. A job. A way of living. A surrounding. A dynamic…

Our environment is dynamic. It demands us to be nimble in order to follow its flow. We are unconsciously adapting at all times. Our bodies and minds are in a flux. But we are unaware of all the efforts we make to keep moving.

Conscious Change on the other hand is hard because there is tremendous pain and grief in having to let go of what we have come to love, and rely upon, as the core, and reflection of who we are.

We forget in our mourning, that our pain and deep sense of loss can transform us into new beings. We can become wiser versions of ourselves, with the ability to choose to hold our grief within us as wisdom.

This knowing guides us as we embark upon new journeys on the open road ahead. The road that has no signs to mark our direction or destination.

In submitting to the process of change, we have the divine opportunity to grow, and move forward, as more beautiful humans. Ones who carry the past in a way that illuminates the path ahead.

Ones who are granted the grace to face the unknown with equanimity.

The unknown.

To be embraced.

With my love,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #the unknown #change #wisdom #resistance #embrace #inevitable #self love #self care

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

C.S.Lewis Shines Light on a Forbidden Emotion With Brutal Honesty and an Uncommon Vulnerability


It's Sunita here,


The forbidden/must be denied/ignored/not acknowledged past a period of short and allowable time, or better still, hurried through emotion, of our culture.

We bumble our way through expressing our sympathies to those who have lost a loved one. Often, as the onlooker of the sufferer of grief we wonder, should I say something? Or maybe I should not mention their loss, as it might bring up their pain.

The writer, C.S.Lewis journaled about his grief on losing his wife to cancer. They had met and married later in life and enjoyed an exceptionally rich, and close relationship. So it would come as no surprise that he felt deep pain on her passing.

‘A Grief Observed’ is a collection of his raw reflections of the experience of grief following her death. His brutal honesty about the sharpness, and numbness of this experience, and exploration of his crushing pain give the reader an entry into a world that is inhabited by one who is deluged with the immediate, then gradually, intermediate nature of grieving and bereavement.

Of course, it is his experience. Which does not extend to, or speak to everyone’s experience of loss, but I found tremendous comfort in his words. The wildness of feeling undeniably, and what at that time, feels irrevocably lost, confused, bewildered, and in actual physical agony on the loss of someone who you feel deeply connected to is natural. He made it bearable by putting it on the pages of four journals, and documenting the trajectory of a process that is circular, a vortex, a straight line, and a wave- all in an unpredictable, but expected pattern, with a regularity that can be banked on.


Grief on losing a person. A family.
 A friendship. A pet. A connection. A belief. A dream. A possibility. A figment of our imagination…


The curse, and privilege, of being human.
Until next time, 
Take care of yourself,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #emotions #grief #CS Lewis #a grief observed #feel it