My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Friday, December 31, 2021

My Only Prayer for 2022- For You, and For Me


It's Sunita here.

My only prayer for 2022 is a prayer for love.

I pray to remember and retain the hard won wisdom to know that love is the most powerful force in this world.

When I take the opportunity to look back at my life, every moment of significance that I can recall has been one, either full of love, or devoid of love.

Not feeling love left me lifeless.

Feeling love gave me life. 

How we go about seeking and building relationships is the most honest indicator of our health and vitality.

As this year comes to an end, and we stand at the welcoming edge of another one, all I wish for is a year full of love.

My work, my interests, my creativity, my intelligence, my hobbies, my mission, my purpose, my passions, all align optimally and joyfully when I feel loved, and have others to love.

So, my first priority is my relationships.

Love doesn’t just happen- I have found love to be a discipline of mindful intention.

Love requires our time, attention, energy, and devotion. And it humbles us, because it can only thrive in a relationship, with a mutual agreement.

Over time, love demands infinite patience, and a continuous investment in understanding. Love only blossoms when we learn how to welcome conflict with grace, not trepidation or avoidance. Because conflict gives us an opportunity to heal each other- but only if we have put in the time to develop the trust and self confidence it takes to hear another’s point of view.

And, I have discovered, that love means having compassion for our own shortcomings . Not being perfect, and offering our imperfect selves to another to love is vulnerability.

There is no love without the terror of exposing our imperfections. But, that is what love ultimately is. Being accepted, cherished, valued, and adored, despite our failings.

When we have people in our lives that love us like this, we are truly living. Then, our work gets better. Our health is good. Our load is lighter, and bearable. There is joy.



That is what I wish and pray for the most. And hope for you as well.

Here is the complete poem by Rumi. I hope it inspires you to treasure such love. 


Because I cannot sleep
I make music at night.
I am troubled by the one
whose face has the color of spring flowers.
I have neither sleep nor patience,
neither a good reputation nor disgrace.
A thousand robes of wisdom are gone.
All my good manners have moved a thousand miles away.
The heart and the mind are left angry with each other.
The stars and the moon are envious of each other.
Because of this alienation the physical universe
is getting tighter and tighter.
The moon says, "How long will I remain
suspended without a sun?"
Without Love's jewel inside of me,
let the bazaar of my existence be destroyed stone by stone.
O Love, You who have been called by a thousand names,
You who know how to pour the wine
into the chalice of the body,
You who give culture to a thousand cultures,
You who are faceless but have a thousand faces,
O Love, You who shape the faces
of Turks, Europeans, and Zanzibaris,
give me a glass from Your bottle,
or a handful of being from Your Branch.
Remove the cork once more.
Then we'll see a thousand chiefs prostrate themselves,
and a circle of ecstatic troubadours will play.
Then the addict will be freed of craving.
and will be resurrected,
and stand in awe till Judgement Day.

Love. In its deepest, truest, most passionate form. The love that envelopes the whole of us.

Happy New Year!

Until next time,

With my love,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #SLSCF #love #happy new year #rumi #poetry #life worth living #2022 #blessings #friendships

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

I Know Myself- That's Good Enough For Me


It's Sunita here.

I'm not here 

To make it 

Easy for you.

I'm here 

To make it

True for me. 


If only..

If only someone had shared this truth with me earlier in my life.

Well, now I know, so I share.

My poetry is my guide. My unconscious holds the wisdom and knowledge that I was born with. My lived experience is what informs me. My commitment of making my unconscious more conscious every moment of my life is my resolve.

‘A Hard Conversation’ is a poem I wrote a few years ago. It is in my 1st collection, ‘Stripping- My Fight to Find Me’. 

I believe this poem should be taught to, and memorized, by everyone at a young age, and recited out loud regularly throughout life. Especially the last verse,

“I know myself.
That’s good enough for me.”

Today’s post is in honor of my daughter, Simrin. 

You are my hero.

Love you,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #self discovery #poetry #unconscious #muse #create #freidrich Nietzsche #know yourself #strength #power #empower

Monday, December 6, 2021

One Among Many?


It's Sunita here.

The odds.

The odds of me being created were numerically insignificant. For me to be born was a miracle.

I was created unique.
There is no one else like me.
Nor will there ever be anyone like me again.

That fact is not a part of marketing campaigns or advertisements. I am led to follow the subliminal, and explicit expressions of conformity that are present every where. It is almost inescapable.

Our need and desire to belong is expertly exploited to push us into a herd like mentality and on to a path of conformity. This leads to a distracted and passive existence that becomes all about fitting into a box that doesn’t exist- an illusory world built on lies and deceptions.

I refuse to go there.

I am unwilling to be one among many.

I sincerely hope you are too!

Because we need your uniqueness. 
We need your one of a kind gift.
We need your unique voice.

Until next time,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #original #do your own thing #unwilling #authentic #just say no #self care #self discovery #unique

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Good Morning



It's Sunita here.

Good morning!

I find there are so many hacks to start the day ‘positive’. It's almost as if the day is ruined if we don't wake up cheery and ready to go on a fun fest. Must we plaster a smile on our faces and tape it there at bedtime, so we may wake up grinning?

I prefer to feel what I am truthfully feeling and let those emotions inform me of what is going on in my life. I don’t call that being negative or positive.

I call that being in touch with myself and my inner world.

We experience a bundle of emotions, and none of them are good or bad. They do make us feel good or bad- or in other words result in our experience of pleasure or pain. We don’t want pain. We want pleasure. But that’s not life. Nor is it the path towards enlightenment.

We must develop the fortitude to weather our painful times, because there is no escape from suffering. And we must gain wisdom to avoid unnecessary suffering. This resilience comes from experiencing hardship. Not from hacking our way through life by following nonsense.

Reframing our situation is a much better, and a powerful way to start our morning strong.

For instance, if you are heartbroken about a break up, illness, or death of a loved one, unemployment, or any other troubling situation, you will have to surrender to your pain. Not acknowledging and respecting your agony will lead to problems that will not go away. But after you stop to grieve and give your suffering the time and honor it deserves, you can tell yourself,

I will come back to you, my grief, but now I must get up and face the day. I have other responsibilities, and I deserve to find joy today, even as I mourn. Dear pain, I’ll be back later and give you my attention until you are done with your work with me. I promise I will not put you under the rug. Nor will I pretend you are not here. And yes, I will not laugh you away either.

Get up. Go for a walk. Go to work. Dance. Work out. Smile. Take care of your kids. Play with your pets. Do whatever you must do.

Whatever is going on in your heart, accept it. Feel it. Deal with it. Learn from it. Be strengthened by it. Then move on with the business of finding and creating joy for yourself and others.


And have a good morning!

Until next time,

With my love,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #sunrise #good morning #self care #emotions #truthful #strong #experience #no hacks #feel #deal

Wednesday, November 10, 2021

My Divine



It's Sunita here.

One step at a time I walk through this desert towards myself.

One conscious decision at a time I leave behind my pain and walk towards love.

One heart beat at a time I merge into my divine.

                      My Divine. Divine Love. Self Love.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #divine #divine love #pain #leave behind

Sunday, October 31, 2021



It's Sunita here.


What are you working towards?
What are you frightened of
What have you put on ‘hold’ because the time isn’t right?
Worse still, what is it that you don’t even dare to dream about?

The people you look up to for accomplishing what you envy and admire are no different then you. The only difference is that they made a habit of listening to what their inner voice was telling them. And then they took action.


Despite failing. Repeatedly failing. Failure did not deter them. 

They brought into existence something that was meaningful to them. They became the person they always knew they were. They created something magnificent and concrete from just a feeling or an idea. Their obstacles did not deter them from moving forward in the realization of their dream.

Those who did not think they could pull it off were often their loved ones, who gave them ‘advice’ or ‘cautioned them’ about the odds. All well meaning on the surface, but maybe this discouragement and desire to sabotage was born in the deepest part of their unconscious?

You see, when you start to live your truth, you become a source of inspiration and example for others who yearn to do so too, but also become a painful reminder of unfulfilled living to those who have been ignoring their own inner voice. In the pain that arises from the act of discrediting and rejecting themselves, these individuals turn to you and dismantle your confidence and energy by telling you your dreams are impossible to achieve. 

They cite all kinds of research and use cautionary wisdom to deter you from dreaming as an unconscious attempt to alleviate their disappointment in themselves. 
Misery loves company and they see you as a deserter so they do all they can to keep you in that dismal place.

Your journey starts only when you believe in yourself.

To believe in yourself, you have to know yourself.

To know yourself, you have to spend time with yourself.

To spend time with yourself, you have to say no to all the distractions and time and energy wasters that suck up your day from you.

You have to accept yourself.

You have to love yourself.

Your journey starts then!

She believed she could.
So she did.

I believe I can.
So I do.

I hope you do too.❤️🌈
With my encouragement for you to go for your dreams,

Sunday, October 24, 2021



It's Sunita here.

With whom can you sit in silence and stillness? With whom does physical distance and elapsed time have no impact on your experience of connection with them?

If you do not have the capacity to be still and silent, in peace with your inner self, then this kind of synchrony maybe difficult with another.

Synchrony. When silence between two humans carries on a conversation for them. No words are necessary because their hearts, minds, and souls are in tune with each other.

Self Love Self Care First is the starting point of sharing ourselves with others. 

First we must come to know ourselves, and our truth. 
Only then can we offer something genuine, and honest of ourselves to others.

Once we can do that, we discover synchrony with another, and experience a connection so deep and powerful, that time and distance is not a barrier.

It starts with us.

Everything we need is within us.

Self discovery.
Self love.

Until next time,
With my hope that you feel connected to yourself,

Thursday, October 21, 2021

Senses and Memories


It's Sunita here.


Apple picking, hay rides, spooky movies, love that feels unearthed, and earthy.

These apples were picked by a friend. The experience of apple picking was his.

That he chose to share it with me through this gift of apples, brings warmth to my heart.

The organic nature of his joy of experiencing that day, with those whom he loves, who were with him, seeped into these apples, and came right into my home, through the open doors that welcomed their luscious gorgeousness.

Once in my kitchen, these apples basked in their splendid beauty on my counter for while. I could smell whiff’s of their orchard’s fresh air come through, as I would pass by them, working on my routine chores. Once I had feasted my eyes enough, I decided it was time for their beauty to be transformed.

I made apple sauce.

The simmering pot of aromatic, spice filled goodness brought more waves of autumnal delight to our home.

Many fall memories of my life that are intimately associated with apples, orchards, and the crisp end of summer breezes came flooding through my mind.

Cinnamon and sugar.

Promises of rejuvenation and renewal, after the announcement that fall brings, of the upcoming hibernation months of winter.


Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #fall #apples #experiential #orchards #apple picking #apple sauce #memories #heart #love

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Stay Open, My Heart


It's Sunita here.

Stay Open, My Heart
Look Towards Hope and Love


I have been hearing this mantra over and over again in my mind these days. More so, than I usually do. I have learnt how living open to what I truly feel leads me to freedom and peace. And I know why.

Because there are so many trespassers on our tenderness, we often close up our hearts and shut down our vulnerability from doing any business. However normal and intuitive that may feel when we are hurt, it only leads to loneliness, within, and, beyond the boundaries of our being.

To protect our heart health, we must grow our heart from deep inside, by knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves.

We can do that better when we are silent and calm. That is the state, where we not only contemplate our existence, but are able to make some sense out of it.

Our feelings can get hurt because someone else did us wrong. But, we can also hurt because we take our past experience of being hurt everywhere, and that casts shadows on our experience of others.

Our deepest and most healing relationships are with those, who can recognize when they hurt us, and, can also sincerely appreciate, without judging us, or getting angry at us, when we feel hurt by them, on occasions when they did not trespass on our heart.

These are the individuals who respond to your hurt by saying this,

“You are hurt. That makes me sad.
Let’s figure out why this happened. Let me listen to your hurt heart.
Let’s find a place within us, that is deeper than where we stand today.
Let me listen to understand what your heart is asking for.
I know there is a need in there that wants to express itself.
If I was not there for you, I will learn to be there in ways I can, and you desire and need me to be.
If I was present, but you still felt I was not there for you, I will try to express my presence in a way that you feel it more.
Either way, we are in this together.”

 Such friends or relationships take your hurt heart personally, and do not start defending themselves, justifying their actions, and listing all the things they do for you, when you express your disappointment to them. For them, your hurt is their hurt. And it goes without saying, their hurt must be your hurt. It is the reciprocity of open hearts that creates such intimate bonds, that make life worth living.

Look towards Hope and Love.

Until next time, 
With my love,

Sunday, October 10, 2021

James Baldwin and Our Cover Ups


It's Sunita here.

Cover ups.

How much of yourself do you reveal to others as you go about your day?

Are you constantly gauging what someone else wants you to say?

Do you give others the version of you, that you have carefully assessed them, to want to see, however far from the truth of you, that version may be?

Do you even know the true version of you?

Such complicated, and sad realities, are part and parcel of our society’s demands on us. And these requirements, and socially sanctioned protocols, are not new. Tragically, they are passed down, by generation after generation of individuals, who bought into the tyranny of the mindless majority.

Finding one’s self is never going to be easy. It never has been. We have to travel in the opposite direction of almost everyone else to decipher what our heart tells us.

We must know ourselves to trust ourselves.

This hard earned knowing must be so strong, and unshakable, that it constantly and successfully serves to keeps us true to ourselves, despite the ugly demands of society ‘norms’, and emotionally, poverty driven, cultural ‘coolness’ of our times.

The most important dimension of Self Love Self Care First is to find, have, and maintain, the sovereignty to think for ourselves.

Our thoughts are critically important. They are what drive our uniqueness, and give us the trust to be ourselves. When our thoughts are hijacked, given to us, or forced upon us by others, we are no longer free.

James Baldwin was not only ahead of his time, but remains ahead, of even ours. If you read his recently republished essay “Nothing Personal”, I guarantee, it will change your life. For the better- If you want to live your truth, and as a free individual.

Until next time,
With my best,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #James Baldwin #Nothing Personal #writer #poet #thinker #freedom #equality #sovereignity #thinking 

(Photo credit- 1985 Los Angeles Times via AP)