My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Stay Open, My Heart


It's Sunita here.

Stay Open, My Heart
Look Towards Hope and Love


I have been hearing this mantra over and over again in my mind these days. More so, than I usually do. I have learnt how living open to what I truly feel leads me to freedom and peace. And I know why.

Because there are so many trespassers on our tenderness, we often close up our hearts and shut down our vulnerability from doing any business. However normal and intuitive that may feel when we are hurt, it only leads to loneliness, within, and, beyond the boundaries of our being.

To protect our heart health, we must grow our heart from deep inside, by knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves.

We can do that better when we are silent and calm. That is the state, where we not only contemplate our existence, but are able to make some sense out of it.

Our feelings can get hurt because someone else did us wrong. But, we can also hurt because we take our past experience of being hurt everywhere, and that casts shadows on our experience of others.

Our deepest and most healing relationships are with those, who can recognize when they hurt us, and, can also sincerely appreciate, without judging us, or getting angry at us, when we feel hurt by them, on occasions when they did not trespass on our heart.

These are the individuals who respond to your hurt by saying this,

“You are hurt. That makes me sad.
Let’s figure out why this happened. Let me listen to your hurt heart.
Let’s find a place within us, that is deeper than where we stand today.
Let me listen to understand what your heart is asking for.
I know there is a need in there that wants to express itself.
If I was not there for you, I will learn to be there in ways I can, and you desire and need me to be.
If I was present, but you still felt I was not there for you, I will try to express my presence in a way that you feel it more.
Either way, we are in this together.”

 Such friends or relationships take your hurt heart personally, and do not start defending themselves, justifying their actions, and listing all the things they do for you, when you express your disappointment to them. For them, your hurt is their hurt. And it goes without saying, their hurt must be your hurt. It is the reciprocity of open hearts that creates such intimate bonds, that make life worth living.

Look towards Hope and Love.

Until next time, 
With my love,

Sunday, October 10, 2021

James Baldwin and Our Cover Ups


It's Sunita here.

Cover ups.

How much of yourself do you reveal to others as you go about your day?

Are you constantly gauging what someone else wants you to say?

Do you give others the version of you, that you have carefully assessed them, to want to see, however far from the truth of you, that version may be?

Do you even know the true version of you?

Such complicated, and sad realities, are part and parcel of our society’s demands on us. And these requirements, and socially sanctioned protocols, are not new. Tragically, they are passed down, by generation after generation of individuals, who bought into the tyranny of the mindless majority.

Finding one’s self is never going to be easy. It never has been. We have to travel in the opposite direction of almost everyone else to decipher what our heart tells us.

We must know ourselves to trust ourselves.

This hard earned knowing must be so strong, and unshakable, that it constantly and successfully serves to keeps us true to ourselves, despite the ugly demands of society ‘norms’, and emotionally, poverty driven, cultural ‘coolness’ of our times.

The most important dimension of Self Love Self Care First is to find, have, and maintain, the sovereignty to think for ourselves.

Our thoughts are critically important. They are what drive our uniqueness, and give us the trust to be ourselves. When our thoughts are hijacked, given to us, or forced upon us by others, we are no longer free.

James Baldwin was not only ahead of his time, but remains ahead, of even ours. If you read his recently republished essay “Nothing Personal”, I guarantee, it will change your life. For the better- If you want to live your truth, and as a free individual.

Until next time,
With my best,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #James Baldwin #Nothing Personal #writer #poet #thinker #freedom #equality #sovereignity #thinking 

(Photo credit- 1985 Los Angeles Times via AP)

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Why Are We Not Taught to Revere Ourselves?


It's Sunita here,




Never to be forgotten.
Returned to.

Self Love Self Care First

It’s neither selfish, nor indulgent to put ourselves in a place that is above, and often, away from all others.

On the contrary, it is only when we gain a deep understanding of how we are designed to function in this universe, and what our role is in our family, community, and eco system of society, that we wake up to how critical it is to nurture, protect, and care for ourselves.

We are the Keepers of The Divine in Us.

Think of the power you pray to. Bring to mind how you celebrate and honor your God/Goddess/The Divine.

While genuinely immersed in worship of that energy, I will safely assume there is no shaming, neglecting, minimizing, abusing, yelling at, looking down upon, withholding love and grace from, doubting, second guessing, ignoring, multi tasking, while tending to the Divine.

We are an extension of that Divine. 

We serve others through the instrument of our being. We share the gifts of our mind, body, and soul with the world.

How is it that we are not taught to revere ourselves?

How is it that we are not shown how to discover and celebrate ourselves?

How is it that we are not told to dig deep within ourselves and find who we are, so we may stand tall, and become more?

How is it that we are not cautioned against the folly and risks of giving to others while running on empty?

How is it we do not receive instruction on how to love ourselves?

How is it that we are not told how deserving we are of love?

Self Love Self Care First
® is the first step in making the world a better place.
Self Love Self Care First
® is about accountability- To ourselves, to our loved ones, and most importantly, to the Divine.

Because when we find our light, we are a beacon for others.

Because when we are full, we fill others.

Because when we are kind to, and understand ourselves, we find compassion for others.

Because when we truly love and care for ourselves, we do the same for others.

Come, join me on the journey to find acceptance for ourselves. There's a seat open for you right next to me, right now. It's never too late to live in love with ourselves. It's never too late to start fresh. It's never too late to unlearn a life worth of lies. 

All you have to do is make the commitment to yourself to practice SLSCF. I promise you, it will change your life for the better. 

Until next time,
With my love for you,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #healing #Divine #self discovery #self compassion #self acceptance #reverence

Friday, September 24, 2021

Surrender to Reality Because The Divine Plays a Long Game. We Can Too.


It's Sunita here.

In my stillness, when I have been one with the Divine, I have learnt that it does not play anything, but a long game. How long? Infinity, or simply put, so long that I can’t comprehend it. So, in order to stay close to the Divine, and experience it’s ecstasy as much, and as often, as I possibly can, I have had to learn it’s ways. The number one lesson about the Divine, and interestingly enough, what has resulted in minimizing my suffering, has been the necessity of facing reality.

I have learnt to face reality. Often, I don't like to. But I have learnt that I am not owed what I think I want, but am given what the Divine knows I need.

Instead of staying in a place or condition of wailing, lamenting, protesting, denying, being appalled, offended, enraged, insulted, mortified, lessened, broken down, ambushed, weakened, etc.,(you get the picture- and have probably been there too) when something happens in my life that is off my ‘plan’ ‘script’ or ‘want’, I now step back and look at it from afar.

Is this really as bad or damaging as I think it is? Or is the Divine designing this for me to become the person it knows I am?

Usually, that person is much bigger than I have believed myself to be…

I then see things the way they are, and move forward from there, as if on a treasure hunt. I believe there is something valuable hidden in what I previously would have called a shit storm.

Seeing the reality of my moments and life has made all the difference.

Not to say that I still don’t go into a bit of all of the above mentioned drama queen modes… but it’s like the fake tantrum of a kid who’s refused a second helping of dessert just before bed. The kid knows it’s wrong to ask, but follows the script of protest anyway. Eventually, the kid falls in line and doesn’t even ask for seconds anymore.

That’s about where I am now.

It takes a lot of hard work to get here. But I don’t like to unnecessarily suffer any more.
Do you?

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #The Divine #Surrender #Long game #self love #stop suffering #acceptance

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Doors. Entrances. Answers.


It's Sunita here.

We believe that we must travel far from home to find the answers we seek.

Adventure, exploration, pilgrimages...

They all are promised to lead us to a better understanding of the world, and ourselves.

In reality, the insights we desire and need for a life of inner peace and meaning lay within us, amongst our interactions and relationships with those who are the closest to us, internally.

It is our internal experiences of the external world - both known to us, and that part of the universe that exists beyond our consciousness, mysteriously, unbeknown to us, that give us information that is lasting, and serves to illuminate the universe for us.

It’s just a matter of being aware, and paying attention to our internal experience, and listening to what we hear inside us, in a space we create from silent stillness.

So, if you are looking for a entrance to something spectacular today, don’t look far.

Until next time, 
With my love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #insights #travel #self discovery #self love #self care #internal world #connection #relationships #right here #meaning #enlightenment #answers

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Truth, Clarity, and Weeds


It's Sunita here.

We feel our truth is ours to possess. 

That is not the way life is designed.

Our truth is to be sought by us.

It is the highest form of us that holds our truth. Only when we work to become that person, do we start to gain the clarity we need in order to have the ability to see our truth.

It is in this space that we find our gifts. This is where the magic lies. This is where the miracles happen. It is here that we exist fully, and are deeply alive.

To get there, we will have to move through, and conquer all the obstacles in the way. We will need to develop a sight that sees us, beyond the clutter and projections of others, and ourselves.

The narratives we inherit, and the ones we tell ourselves, serve the purpose of dissuading us from finding our shining light. They have to go, in order for us to discover our story.

The weeds are in the way of the clear, reflective pools of stillness that hold the secrets of our divine self. Are you willing to wade deeper, past them? Or will you stop at the edge, pretending to be content to look at the incomplete and foggy picture of yourself, while feeling miserable inside? Are you ready to let go of your despair and start the work of weed whacking?

Go beyond the weeds. Become inexhaustible on your journey towards your truth. Because that is where the excitement lies. 

That’s where life is waiting for you.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #selfdiscovery #truth #your truth #clarity #stillness #purpose #excitement #inexhautible #do the work

Monday, August 30, 2021




It's Sunita here.


If we were told we are alone from the get go, how would we live?

If we were told we are going to have to fight to find out who we truly are, would we be able to bear this truth?

Only when we are faced with losing everything, or have lost everything do we get up, and fight to reclaim ourselves.

The strength we need to survive the harshness that we experience as humans does not come after we reach a certain stage where we ‘find’ the courage to do so.

It comes from the courage we build, by taking steps to fight the adversities, losses, and challenges of life as a human.

We do not move forward towards courage. We build courage by moving forward, despite feeling weak, scared, overwhelmed, and uncertain.

No one can give us that courage. We have to dig deep inside and find it within ourselves.

Only when we decide that we cannot, and will not, live in the awful state that we are in do we make the changes that  we must to get out of our pain.

That is when our true selves emerge to discover the riches of being human. Our fight takes us to places of strength, confidence, pride, wisdom, and joy.

Yes, we are alone. That is the painful truth.

We came into this world alone. And we will leave it on our own as well. But we are connected to each other, invisibly. And to the universe. That connectedness is the energy that fuels our fight.

Only we can decide to use this energy to overcome our burdens and oppressions. Living free is the prize.

When will you say, 'No More'? It's up to you to make that choice.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self discovery #self care #alone #connected #fight #triumph #emerge

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Joseph Brodsky Weighs In On How To Deal With The Assaults On Our Mind


It's Sunita here.

I see my mind as my mansion. What is allowed in is in my control, to a large extent. Inevitably, there will be elements of the external world that will gain admittance into my mind. I have no control over that. But once those elements are in, I do have the ability to make the conscious decision to deal with them in a manner of my design.

The American Soviet poet, Joseph Brodsky offers common sense in his profound words,

.....steal or still, the echo, so you don't allow an event, however unpleasant, or momentous, to claim any more time that it took for it to occur. What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way you react.

Living free requires our mind to be in charge of what we take in. And how we process it. There is no day, or moment when the external is not affecting us. But our interpretation of events that occur, and the motivations and interests of others, can aggressively make a home in our mind, if we let them.

Once they are invited in by us, they begin to dictate the terms of their stay to us.

You will give up the best rooms in your mind to host us. We will be parasites that live off all your resources. We will steal every moment of your day from you. We will stretch out and rest, while we take over your ability to do things that make you whole and happy. We will party while you become miserable. We will enjoy the comforts of your mind, while you suffer from self torture. We will relish seeing you waste your time believing our lies and deceptions.

Nobel Laureate, Joseph Brodsky said it well in his essay 'Speech at The Stadium" in On Grief and Reason,

What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way we react.

Don't give up your time and energy to vampires. 

Keep on point with your life.

You are worth it!

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #joseph brodsky #poet #on grief and reason #speech at the stadium #mind #motivation #you are worth it #your life

Thursday, August 12, 2021

The Unknown


It's Sunita here.

The unknown.

Moving towards an unknown destination is accompanied by whatever emotion and thoughts we assign to it.

Should the unknown have to be experienced through the lens of a singular mindset, defined by a single emotion?

Curiosity. Resistance. Fear. Excitement. Elation. Wonder. Apprehension. Nervousness. Gladness…

We usually experience a mix of multiple emotions, of which we end up focusing on a few. The ones we zone into end up determining our mood, as we stand at the precipice of change.

Change is the flow of life that will not go away.
It is the only permanence in the impermanence of our existence.

Yet we resist it mightily with all we have got within us.


Because change means we have to let go of something that has become dear, or habitual to us. A person. A habit. A house. A relationship. A job. A way of living. A surrounding. A dynamic…

Our environment is dynamic. It demands us to be nimble in order to follow its flow. We are unconsciously adapting at all times. Our bodies and minds are in a flux. But we are unaware of all the efforts we make to keep moving.

Conscious Change on the other hand is hard because there is tremendous pain and grief in having to let go of what we have come to love, and rely upon, as the core, and reflection of who we are.

We forget in our mourning, that our pain and deep sense of loss can transform us into new beings. We can become wiser versions of ourselves, with the ability to choose to hold our grief within us as wisdom.

This knowing guides us as we embark upon new journeys on the open road ahead. The road that has no signs to mark our direction or destination.

In submitting to the process of change, we have the divine opportunity to grow, and move forward, as more beautiful humans. Ones who carry the past in a way that illuminates the path ahead.

Ones who are granted the grace to face the unknown with equanimity.

The unknown.

To be embraced.

With my love,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #the unknown #change #wisdom #resistance #embrace #inevitable #self love #self care

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

C.S.Lewis Shines Light on a Forbidden Emotion With Brutal Honesty and an Uncommon Vulnerability


It's Sunita here,


The forbidden/must be denied/ignored/not acknowledged past a period of short and allowable time, or better still, hurried through emotion, of our culture.

We bumble our way through expressing our sympathies to those who have lost a loved one. Often, as the onlooker of the sufferer of grief we wonder, should I say something? Or maybe I should not mention their loss, as it might bring up their pain.

The writer, C.S.Lewis journaled about his grief on losing his wife to cancer. They had met and married later in life and enjoyed an exceptionally rich, and close relationship. So it would come as no surprise that he felt deep pain on her passing.

‘A Grief Observed’ is a collection of his raw reflections of the experience of grief following her death. His brutal honesty about the sharpness, and numbness of this experience, and exploration of his crushing pain give the reader an entry into a world that is inhabited by one who is deluged with the immediate, then gradually, intermediate nature of grieving and bereavement.

Of course, it is his experience. Which does not extend to, or speak to everyone’s experience of loss, but I found tremendous comfort in his words. The wildness of feeling undeniably, and what at that time, feels irrevocably lost, confused, bewildered, and in actual physical agony on the loss of someone who you feel deeply connected to is natural. He made it bearable by putting it on the pages of four journals, and documenting the trajectory of a process that is circular, a vortex, a straight line, and a wave- all in an unpredictable, but expected pattern, with a regularity that can be banked on.


Grief on losing a person. A family.
 A friendship. A pet. A connection. A belief. A dream. A possibility. A figment of our imagination…


The curse, and privilege, of being human.
Until next time, 
Take care of yourself,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #emotions #grief #CS Lewis #a grief observed #feel it

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Simone Biles Puts Self Love Self Care First


It's Sunita here.

Simone Biles. 

I hope we are seeing a culture change with her decision to walk away from a situation, which could have given her ‘success’ at a level not seen before, yet had the potential to cause her tremendous damage internally.

“I have to do what’s right for me and focus on my mental health, and not jeopardize my health and well-being," the decorated athlete told reporters.

Simone is successful as a human being by taking this stand. Achievements and accomplishments should never trump mental wellness. Everyone deserves the right to stand up and say- I need to focus on myself. Congratulations to Simone and the people who supported her decision to step back at this moment. She is a winner in a far bigger sphere of life than the Olympics for standing up for herself, and her needs.

I feel sad that it came to this but hope she will get the privacy and support she needs to feel healthy. She’s a fighter. She will succeed in anything she attempts. Including, healing, and growing.

Respect and love to you, Simone!
Take care of yourself. 
Everything else will flow from there😘❤️💕🙌🏻

Until next time,

#Simone Biles #selfloveselfcarefirst #mental health #courage #inner world #winner #self care #self love #champion #olympics

Monday, July 26, 2021

Rumi cautions those who waste precious time.



It's Sunita here.

A new beginning is offered to us at every moment of our existence.

But when does one wake up to see the opportunities that life brings us?

It’s a choice to look with intense honesty at the truth of our lives. That is only the first step of being awake.

Having seen our reality, we then must decide to deal with the baggage that our denial has brought to our door step. That can be a very painful, and long process, that often requires professional help.

The reconciliation of the losses of our life, and of the precious time wasted being someone we are not comes next.

This is not a straight line process- as nothing in life ever really is.

The pain of our losses comes and goes even after recovery, but is very manageable, once we do the major work of reconciliation, and grieving for our lost time, and opportunities.

Only then, with a super charged desire to live truthfully, do we start to not waste time on things, people, work, activities, thoughts, relationships, and ways of life that bring us no satisfaction, and serve no purpose in the big picture of our lives.

Q- When do we wake up?
A- Only when WE want to.

It’s as simple as that.
No excuses.
No blaming others.

Only straight up personal responsibility for our own selves, and our life.

Because Rumi had it right. This place is a dream. Don’t make it a nightmare by living through it asleep. One day you will regret being dead while you thought you were alive.

Until next time,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #rumi #self awareness #do the work #truth #accountability #stop wasting time #wake up #poetry

Monday, July 5, 2021

Don't Read My Blog If You Are Looking For a 'How To' For Any Aspect of Your Life


It's Sunita here.

The concept of primordial knowledge has been systematically banished by the  anointed and elite members of a massive, inescapable network that exists today. They are the loudspeakers of a ‘how to’ society that hypes, and promotes a step by step march to ensnarement, and then death by mediocrity. 

Going against the instructions and 'expert' knowledge of this socially sanctioned and self congratulatory group takes a tremendous amount of self reflection, introspection, and tapping into one’s inner voice. That act in itself has become nearly impossible with what social media, print media, and our cultural norms not only broadcasts, but accepts, and celebrates as the best ways of successfully living.

Mindlessness is the subversive culture of our times. Our attention is relentlessly seduced by the mainstream majority with neither our permission, nor our awareness.

So where does one go to find oneself when one is surrounded by this web of deceit?

How can one deprogram oneself from the layers and layers of manipulation, and lies told to us from as early as the time we are born?

Is there ever a chance to find freedom from the bondage we were born into?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Only you can make that choice for yourself.

Until next time,

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

When You Dance Just For Yourself


It's Sunita here.

This water lily was picked for me as an offering of love this weekend. It was quietly lighting the world on fire with it’s magnificent beauty, hidden, and tucked away in a corner of a lake, where one could only spot it through their seeing eyes.

If it had not been transported for me to delight in its perfection, it would have been just as beautiful in its anonymity, and unknown existence, in its natural habitat, away from human eyes.

Such an existence is what I work towards.

To live in my beauty. In my glory. In my uniqueness. In immersion with all that is divine within me. Tucked away. Happy in the simplicity of the knowledge that I see myself with love, admiration, and appreciation for all the magnificence I possess. No need for validation. No desire for approval. No want for any external confirmation of my gifts.

I want solid ground to stand on, and want to stand up straight, with my full presence!

Anything less is an affront to my maker.

Only when we befriend the so called harshness of our circumstances and environment do we rise above them.

They were put there to challenge us.

Will we break? Will we fall? Of course! We will be close to being annihilated. We will think we can no longer fight. We will constantly be obsessed with giving up.

But if we do, the game is over.

At this point, only if we surrender to our magnificent selves and say, 

I finally accept you, I will fight for you, I will revere you. 

do we get a shot at truly living, and being present.

When we are able to sing our song full blast on the stage that is within us, without caring for, or wanting an audience beyond ourselves, we liberate ourselves.

It is only then that we begin to pursue what we are here for. We accept our assignment in this special space, and then spend the rest of our lives toiling in service of it.

I hope you see your uniqueness, and decide to dance for yourself! 

Until next time,
With love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #do your dance

Monday, June 14, 2021

'The Radiance That Lies in My Dispossession'- Carl Gustav Jung and My Muse- My Unconscious.



It's Sunita here.

Carl Gustav Jung, (born July 26, 1875, Kesswil, Switzerland—died June 6, 1961, Küsnacht), Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist who founded analytic psychology famously stated,

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

My recovery from attachment and childhood trauma involved access to the history of my trauma buried deep in my unconscious. It was Davanloo's Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy that helped me gain this access, and heal from the effects of my trauma. 

In the uncovering of my unconscious, I also got reconnected to my creative self. As I continually unmask the drive and motivations of my unconscious, I get more and more connected to my mystic muse in the universe. That is how I 'receive' my poetry. I am very slowly starting to comprehend the creative process by which I write my poetry. 

Today, I would like to share this poem with you. It is from my recently started 5th collection called, "The Radiance That Lies in My Dispossession'. The title came to me in a dream vision, and I feel it to be prophetic and a promise of the discoveries to come in the poems that will emerge.

 'Laden Sky" is #5 in the collection. The picture above is from the spot where I sat by my muse, a lake, as these emotions and words came to me. They were accompanied by an intense feeling of being connected to someone who was in pain. I don't know who that was. But I trust my feelings and intuition enough now to confidently know there was someone reaching out to me. 

This poem is for you. This poem is actually for all of us. We are all connected. Always. In our struggles. In our pain. In our joys. And in our triumphs.


Do you ever feel the sky dipping down to weep with you in remembrance of all your sorrows and heartache?

I do.

Especially when it is pregnant with celestial moisture.

That is when I am embraced by its cool and wet arms, as my tears lie unshed just beneath my lashes.

Sometimes when I have nothing obvious to be sad about, but am surrounded by silent, grief stricken whispers.

I wonder who is sighing.

I can feel you.

I am sending you much love.

The sky will comfort us both.

Sunita Merriman
June 11, 2021
5:30 pm

Until next time,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #carljung #unconscious #muse #universe #poetry # radiance #sky #connection #love #grief #childhood trauma #attachment #attachment trauma #davanloo #ISTDP #recovery #healing #wellness #thrive #consciousness #connection

Friday, June 11, 2021

A Year From Now...


It's Sunita here.

A year from now what will you wish you had done today?

If only we stop and ask ourselves this question every day,

We often hesitate to pull the trigger on an action that in our heart we know we must take for us to succeed and be happy. We are stuck in situations that are just not healthy. 

We are in relationships that have been consistently sapping our spirit with their drama of destructiveness. We allow other people to bring their negativity into our lives. We keep going back to a job that is way below our intellectual capabilities and so far out of the realm of our interests. We promise ourselves we will stop binging on sugar/alcohol/____/____/ (fill in the blanks here) tomorrow, but that tomorrow never really comes. We sit on the couch instead of going for a walk. 

We keep accepting way less than we should for ourselves. 

Why? It could be a variety of reasons we tell ourselves, or very possibly believe to be the truth.

I don't have the time right now.

I will get to it _____________.

If I leave her now, this will happen _____________.

I will sign up for the gym membership in January when it goes on sale (it could be March right now, so that's almost a year away...)

Therapy is so expensive. I'll save up first.

Therapy doesn't work for people with problems like mine.

I need to do everything I can to have my __________ feel better before I can focus on myself.

He's not so bad to live with on most days.

I'm no peach either. (Yes, sadly, I've heard someone who was in a horribly abusive relationship say this)

This job pays the bills. I can live out my dream later.

I will start saving when I make more money.

But it tastes so good going down.

I'll exercise tomorrow.

I'll start visiting museums/painting/dancing/_______ when my kids are older

It's not the right time.

I don't have the time right now.

The excuses or reasons we give ourselves to continue our state of inertia usually have some truth to them. That is why they are so persuasive. But, in those truths also lie our dysfunctional belief systems. 

It is our fear of failure and not knowing for sure if we will succeed, by making changes, that gets in our way of taking the actions that we must,  in order to succeed. It's a negative loopy loop.

In addition, we make the mistake of thinking we must accomplish our goals in one day. That overwhelms us. It effectively cripples us from moving forward to take the first step of our journey. This paralysis then gets covered up in the junk we tell ourselves to cover up the hurt, disappointment, and shame we feel, when we betray our highest being by staying in situations that are so far inferior and less than what we deserve.

I think of this wise saying as pushing us to get rid of anything that is bothersome in our life, and causing us harm. Anything that is undermining us, as opposed to serving us, must be dropped. And all the good things that we have put off must be brought into our life.

We must start somewhere and at some time. And that some time is today!

It’s hard to find the courage to make difficult decisions since nothing is ever black and white. But we must find the wisdom to see need for change and growth. And many a times, it will take severe, and drastic changes to be respectful of ourselves, and our journey.

So, when in doubt, ask yourself,

‘A year from now what will you have wished you had done today?’

Regrets are hard to reconcile with so this wise question certainly illuminates the path for me. I hope it does for you as well!

Until next time,

With my love,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #action #getting unstuck #first step #do something #start small #start today