Self Love. Self Care. Inspiration

My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

Hello,
It’s Sunita here.

I am a poet, an author, a wife, a mother, a sleep doctor, and a childhood trauma survivor. I healed when I understood that I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my mental health and my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

I now want to challenge and inspire you to move beyond your old stories so you can embrace possibility and fulfill your potential. So, if that is where you are in your life, I invite you to come visit with me when I write. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the bottom line is always Self Love Self Care First®.

Where did SLSCF® come from? I realized that I needed to find meaning in my suffering. I kept thinking, “What did I come out of this journey with? How can I convey what I now know other than what is in my poetry? What is the simplest, most fundamental, basic understanding of human nature that I discovered? And that is where Self Love Self Care First® comes from. I discovered that If we do not love ourselves, we do not care for ourselves. The pain of our lives and the messages we receive go deep to cause us at times to not pay attention to ourselves, and at times even hate ourselves. It is a difficult journey. And these feelings and beliefs come from the deepest parts of our unconscious. Self Love Self Care First® is a journey of learning we are all on. This is The Journey. To find compassion for ourselves. To find acceptance for ourselves. To find love for ourselves.

Find your light. Because we are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside. We must move inwards- not outward to look for the light. The light is inside you.

And when you find yours, you light up the world!
I hope you will join me in a journey of discovery, wonder, growth, and a celebration of our truth.

And love…

Because what else is there to talk about?

Be well, Do well, Live well,
Warmly,
Sunita



Saturday, November 28, 2020

The COVID19 Pandemic Does Not Offer a Redo


Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Thanksgiving was a low-key affair in my household this year. That did not dim our celebration of the healing power of gratitude in any shape or form. If anything, I felt a strong urge to express my thanks to those whom I may have taken for granted on occasion in the past. It's as if COVID19 has brought a new awareness to us. With our health and our life being on the line at all times, it has sharpened our focus on the fragility of our existence.

Uncertainty brings all kinds of unique challenges. Today things seem to be very different than before we were hit by this pandemic. But the truth is uncertainty has always been a part of our lives. We usually just ignore this hard to swallow fact. Predictability gives us a false sense of power that leads us to believe the illusion that we have control.  We no longer are afforded that luxury. COVID-19 took that illusion away from us. 

Holidays are now measured in how many friends and relatives we can invite. Masks are the norm for many, and a cause for revolt for almost an equal number of others. Staying at a safe distance (6-10 feet depending on the setting) is now considered polite. One wonders if shaking hands will ever be socially acceptable again. The burden of this pandemic's demand for our isolation and separation from others is no joke. The cost of safety procured by lockdowns and limited social contact is rising globally.

But in all the isolation and loneliness that this pandemic brings, there also lies a wonderful and unique opportunity to get to know ourselves better. If we were to carefully look at our pre-pandemic activities, we would see how we spent our time. Can you honestly say that your time was spent on people and activities that were forwarding your life mission? Were you allocating time to your soul work? Did you know what your soul work was?

All these questions require introspection. To look inwards we need time, energy and effort. The business of life is a perfect excuse for us to avoid devoting ourselves to examining our life and the direction we are taking towards actualizing our potential and purpose. Being immersed in the 'daily' stuff is no longer an excuse. This slow down pace of pandemic life has presented us with a gift. The gift of time. What are you going to do with it?

What possibilities can you dream of today? Once a successful vaccination program for COVID 19 is developed and implemented worldwide, the pandemic will be over. What will you have gained or changed in this time? 

More clarity of a vision? A plan for a better future? A rearrangement of your priorities? Closer relationships with people who matter to you? Will you pick up a new skill or hobby during the pandemic? How about some advanced training in your field of work? A fitness goal perhaps? Aren't these long winter evenings perfect for writing a book? Have you ever thought of a career change or of starting your own business?

The possibilities are endless if your focus is on what you can do-not on what you can not do right now. 

Purging and abandonment of all things, activities, and those who do not serve our life and its purpose is a difficult thing to do. But today the pandemic has forced us to live without the usual time clutters we had incorporated in our daily routines. The habitual obligations we had mistakenly thought of as essential commitments sucked up our most precious resource- our time. 

Now we have an excellent opportunity to purge the extra fat in our life. 

Time has never stopped for anyone, anything, or any event. This truth is not going to change. So, if we can, we must look at the amazing opportunity this uncomfortable, but necessary isolation and slowdown has brought to us, and take advantage of it.

We can complain all we want about not being able to have our relatives and friends over for the holidays. We can lament about the unfairness of the devastation of the virus, and what it is doing to our lives. We can speculate when it will all be over. We can do many things- but we can't ever get this time back.

So, use it wisely.  

A life of originality and authenticity is ultimately the only worthwhile measure of success. We are meant to show off an unedited version of our soul. But first we must invest the time it takes to identify our talents and gifts. Only then can we move forward to realizing them. We must say NO to all the non-essentials in our life to be able to say YES to the path of self-actualization and a life of meaning. That requires courage. And hard work. Plus a dedication of time. 

The time is now! 

Seize this opportunity to redesign your life. Emerge from this pandemic with something new. Create something unique in this challenging time. Become a better version of yourself. Dare greatly to break the boundries you have defined for yourself. Drop the people who do not sincerely care about you, or where your life is going.

The COVID 19 pandemic does not offer a redo. Live every day to its fullest and become who you were meant to be. 

The journey of a thousand miles stats with a single step.
-Lao Tzu

Show up for yourself.
I will too!

Until next time,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #covid19 #pandemic #isolation #opportunity #laotzu 
#courage #succcess #authenticself #daregreatly 





 

Sunday, November 8, 2020

Why we Must Acknowledge and Accept our Yearning for Love



 

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Accepting our yearnings without judging ourselves is a tough enough journey, but owning up to the most fundamental one we have is a monumental task. 

It can be even more terrifying if one has suffered from attachment trauma and ACE's.

However, denial of our need to be loved leads us to places that are dark and damaging. And lonely. I know that first hand.

I share a reading of this poem with you today.

"Yearning" from Stripping- My Fight to Find Me

Wishing you an abundance of love,
Sunita


#selfloveselfcarefirst #yearning #poetry #poets #ISTDP #unconscious #ACE's #attachment #trauma #dynamicpsychotherapy #Davanloo #courage #love


PS-I hope you all have been coping well and have found ways to rise above the challenges of this time. I have been writing infrequently due to the additional demands of practicing at my dental and sleep practice during a pandemic. But thanks to the collective efforts of my dedicated team, I am now able to rejoin you. 

I have missed my visits with you but am glad that I stayed true to my message of Self Love Self Care First. I had to adjust and modify my routines to be able to take care of my responsibilities at work. This flexibility is a way to honor ourselves. It helps us avoid overdoing it and causing physical and mental exhaustion. That not only harms us, but all those around us. I hope you are practicing SLSCF with such flexibility. S


Sunday, August 30, 2020

Why We Must Wear a Mask


Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Nature is telling us that we have been talking nonsense. And talking too much.

Too much of nonsense is still nonsense.

So we have been advised to PAUSE and BE QUIET.

The Universe is saying that we must wear masks so we can be reminded that we have only been interested in talking about what we think, feel and see, and have lost our capacity to hear about what someone else may be experiencing. 

We have been too preoccupied with imposing our reality on others.

So we have been advised to STOP in order  to LISTEN MORE, and TALK LESS.

We are interconnected. We are interdependent. There is no escaping this reality of our existence.

That is why we must wear our masks (translates to- "shut up!") and try to understand each other better. Let others talk. Listen to them. Understand them (That does not translate to "you must necessarily agree with them"). 

Connect with them.

When we are fully present and listen, others feel heard. That's when they will respond, and reciprocate by listening to us. And that becomes the birth of a compassionate conversation that connects us to one other.

We can change the world, one conversation at a time.

So just wear your mask.

And stop talking.

Just listen.

Stay Safe,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #mask #listen #pause #compassion #understanding #conversation #connection


Sunday, July 26, 2020

We may be Broken, But we are Not Victims




Hello,
It's Sunita here.

As the pandemic settles down among us, with an expressed intent to stay for a while longer than most of us thought, we are acutely feeling the temporariness of our circumstances.

The daily mechanics of living have suddenly been stripped down to the basics, if not, bare bones. Our friendships and relationships have had a downsizing as well as we now seek genuine comfort from those who truly care for us. Spending time with others, just because there is an abundance of opportunity to mingle, is no longer the case. So who will you turn to under such circumstances? Who do you want to be there for? The answers to these two questions give you the names of the people who you would call in the middle of the night if you had an emergency. And for whom you would rush out to help, at a moments notice.

The reality of how deep and far the tentacles of the coronavirus have embedded themselves in our bodies and minds, not to mention our global economy, is just now settling in. There are different levels of distress that we are all feeling. Denying our rage, grief and suffering as a result of the limitations and burdens that this pandemic has brought to our existence is just another way to increase our pain. So we must deal with the feelings of loss, and the anxiety of uncertainty. However, it must be accompanied by what this epic time in our history brings to us.

We now have an opportunity to take control of our lives. 

Deep within humanity lies our liberation. Only when we find the strength inside ourselves will we we able to locate the path going forward. Only in the struggles brought by our biggest challenges, do we find our truth. And once we are connected to the divine within us, we can experience a great transformation.

This is a time for transformation. 

Both individually, and universally. But we must stop and examine our lives. How much space does victimhood, hatred, delusion, desire, and just plain absence from it occupy? What can we do to bring more compassion, mindfulness, empowerment and wisdom into our life? 

Both for ourselves, and for others.

Only facing the darkness led me to the light. 

As a survivor of attachment and childhood trauma, I needed to make a choice of looking at the unbearably painful truths of my life in order to heal and live free. I talk about how I was able to successfully do that, and what I learnt from that perilous journey in this Interview with TMS Roundtable Global





That is what I believe everyone must do in this time of darkness if they want to find guidance, wisdom, purpose and joy out of this difficult time. Stare down the darkness! 

We must look within, examine who we are, and get to know ourselves intimately. Only in and from that place do we leave suffering behind, and begin to be of service to humanity.

At this time, I have made a choice to continue as a health care provider in the post COVID19 era as a part of my service to others. I am also working with my publisher on my second book-a collection of poetry titled, "Permission : For Me to Fall in Love" and I continue to write poetry that will be in my third collection. That book is called, "Freedom- For Me to Just Be."  

I will, through the gift of words, humbly offer others a Trilogy of Awakening.
Permission : For Me to Fall in Love
Freedom : For Me to Just Be

Everything that I am choosing to do right now is with the intention of being of service to others. I continue to examine how I can reduce my own suffering, and then help others do the same. That requires for me to be still, in the midst of a very a demanding outside life, and in addition to that, the time and energy to be able to continue to listen to my intuition, and create a new consciousness through my poetry.

So, in consideration of my desire and intention to bring you meaningful content in a Self Love Self Care First manner, moving forward, I will write articles only every few weeks, instead of every week, so I can allow myself to focus on my own self care, and dedicate myself to the steps of examination, and comprehension, more than the act of sharing.

Lead with Intention
 Examination
Comprehension
Clarity
Insight
Generously Share


There is much beauty in us all. 



I hope you will be gentle with yourselves as you make the choices that you must, in order to find a way past this trying and troubling time, and move towards transformation, and evolution to becoming a higher being. The pandemic has come to us with abundant gifts for the future, but we must stop, and be still to receive them. 

I will be rejoining you every few weeks to share mine.
As I've said before, I'm not looking for a new normal.
Only a transformation will do.

Wishing you much love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #intention #examination #clarity #covid19 #selflove #selfcare #poetry #poems #awakening #compassion #transformation #stripping #permission #freedom #love #fallinlove #justbe #dentistry #childhoodtrauma #attachmenttrauma #ACEs #Davanloo #ISTDP #dynamicpsychotherapy #TMSglobal



Sunday, July 19, 2020

Rollo May Offers a Way Out of this Pandemic, And the Anxiety of Nothingness.



Hello,
It's Sunita here.

It was the end of another day at work. After 2 weeks of this, I felt I should have had things down pat. But I was utterly exhausted. I felt like I needed to shut down my brain to stop thinking. Carrying this physical and mental exhaustion with me, I got into the shower to scrub down, dry myself, change and get back home. This was one of the many new routines I was getting used to. The drive home has become a time to just be "empty". I feel that's the only way I can re enter myself. Most evenings are spent resting, and then mentally going over how the next day can run soother and easier.

You see, my dental and sleep practice was closed in mid March this year and did not reopen until the end of June. The practice I left is not what my team and I have come back to. COVID-19 has changed everything we do to treat a patient. There is not a single process or procedure that now does not take 2-3 times the time, and effort to do. It has been an engagement of entirely rethinking my responsibility to keep my staff, patients, and myself, safe. The new way of practicing is more costly, more time consuming and extremely tedious. Not to mention, tiresome. And that's not including the worries of how all this is going to work viably in the long term. No one can see the future right now. 

But here's the other side of the truth. 

I have never, in my entire 25 years of practicing felt this good about being a health care professional. There is such a charge that goes through me every time I see or hear my patients respond to my "pandemic practice". They are comforted, grateful for our changes, and comfortable in our space. Their expressions of thanks deeply touch me. Being able to provide to them the care they need in very trying times, when their health is a critical component of their survival, is now a source of a deeper satisfaction than before, and is linked to a greater purpose in my life. Which is to be of service.

Every day I get to see the pride with which my team brings their "new" best to our community. There is a deeper sense of purpose to our showing up for work. Despite the constant efforts we must make to get our brains and bodies used to the new routines, we are undaunted in our determination to master them. Now, instead of going about the day as co-workers or colleagues, we have taken ownership of being each others life savers. I'm not being dramatic here. According to the World Economic Forum, dentistry is one of the highest risk professions out there when it comes to COVID-19 risks.  We each know how important the job we do is in making sure we keep each other protected and safe from COVID-19. 



So what gives? How is this intense and electrifying satisfaction possible in the face of all the challenges we face? How do we show up every day, not knowing what lies ahead?

I think I have found the answer to that.

It is because we have responded to the challenge of this pandemic with the courage to create a new future. 

Rollo May, known as the father of existential psychotherapy in his book, "Courage to Create" shares what he understands as the choice we must make to create.

"A choice confronts us. Shall we, as we feel our foundations shaking, withdraw in anxiety and panic? Frightened by the loss of our familiar mooring places, shall we become paralyzed and cover our inaction with apathy? If we do those things, we will have surrendered our chance to participate in the forming of the future. We will have forfeited the distinctive characteristic of human beings- namely, to influence our evolution through our own awareness. We will have capitulated to the blind juggernaut of history and lost the chance to mold the future into a society more equitable and humane."



I now clearly see that I want to participate in the forming of the future. At whatever cost it may demand from me. That is the deal that I have signed on to. So no matter how exhausting it may be at the end of my day, I get up and show up the next day. I don't imagine it will become easy any time soon, but bit by bit, I will have created a new beginning for myself, and I hope for others.

I may be scared and anxious about not being able to see what lies ahead, but I refuse to sit and dwell in what was. That will not bring me to the path to the future. So, I find myself propelled to take action to create the future. 

Rollo May poses the key question that we must ask ourselves today, as we all face uncertainty, and a serious lack of precedent, "Shall we seize the courage necessary to preserve our sensitivity, awareness and responsibility in the face of radical change? Shall we consciously participate, on however small the scale, in the forming of the new society?"

Not everyone will have the kind of challenges presented to me, being a health care provider of a high risk COVID-19 occupation. But everyone has the opportunity to choose to participate in the creation of the future. All our contributions will carry weight and will have a accumulative impact on humanity, because they will come from a common place of courage.

I leave you with this call to action. If you are struggling with what to do, feeling stuck and scared, and anxious about the future, I sincerely hope you will consider it.

"We are called upon to do something new, to confront a no man's land, to push into a forest where there are no well-worn paths and from which no one has returned to guide us. This is what existentialists call the anxiety of nothingness. To live into the future means to leap into the unknown, and this requires a degree of courage for which there is no immediate precedent...", 
                                                                                                                  - Rollo May


Wishing you a week of courage.
The courage to tap into the warrior in you,
The courage to create a new future for us!
Love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #RolloMay #existentialism #courage #COVID19 #dentistry #rethinking #reopening #pandemic #worldeconomicforum #highriskoccupation #anxiety #opportunity #create #couragetocreate #lead #future #change