Self Love. Self Care. Inspiration

My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Stay Open, My Heart


It's Sunita here.

Stay Open, My Heart
Look Towards Hope and Love


I have been hearing this mantra over and over again in my mind these days. More so, than I usually do. I have learnt how living open to what I truly feel leads me to freedom and peace. And I know why.

Because there are so many trespassers on our tenderness, we often close up our hearts and shut down our vulnerability from doing any business. However normal and intuitive that may feel when we are hurt, it only leads to loneliness, within, and, beyond the boundaries of our being.

To protect our heart health, we must grow our heart from deep inside, by knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves.

We can do that better when we are silent and calm. That is the state, where we not only contemplate our existence, but are able to make some sense out of it.

Our feelings can get hurt because someone else did us wrong. But, we can also hurt because we take our past experience of being hurt everywhere, and that casts shadows on our experience of others.

Our deepest and most healing relationships are with those, who can recognize when they hurt us, and, can also sincerely appreciate, without judging us, or getting angry at us, when we feel hurt by them, on occasions when they did not trespass on our heart.

These are the individuals who respond to your hurt by saying this,

“You are hurt. That makes me sad.
Let’s figure out why this happened. Let me listen to your hurt heart.
Let’s find a place within us, that is deeper than where we stand today.
Let me listen to understand what your heart is asking for.
I know there is a need in there that wants to express itself.
If I was not there for you, I will learn to be there in ways I can, and you desire and need me to be.
If I was present, but you still felt I was not there for you, I will try to express my presence in a way that you feel it more.
Either way, we are in this together.”

 Such friends or relationships take your hurt heart personally, and do not start defending themselves, justifying their actions, and listing all the things they do for you, when you express your disappointment to them. For them, your hurt is their hurt. And it goes without saying, their hurt must be your hurt. It is the reciprocity of open hearts that creates such intimate bonds, that make life worth living.

Look towards Hope and Love.

Until next time, 
With my love,

Sunday, October 10, 2021

James Baldwin and Our Cover Ups


It's Sunita here.

Cover ups.

How much of yourself do you reveal to others as you go about your day?

Are you constantly gauging what someone else wants you to say?

Do you give others the version of you, that you have carefully assessed them, to want to see, however far from the truth of you, that version may be?

Do you even know the true version of you?

Such complicated, and sad realities, are part and parcel of our society’s demands on us. And these requirements, and socially sanctioned protocols, are not new. Tragically, they are passed down, by generation after generation of individuals, who bought into the tyranny of the mindless majority.

Finding one’s self is never going to be easy. It never has been. We have to travel in the opposite direction of almost everyone else to decipher what our heart tells us.

We must know ourselves to trust ourselves.

This hard earned knowing must be so strong, and unshakable, that it constantly and successfully serves to keeps us true to ourselves, despite the ugly demands of society ‘norms’, and emotionally, poverty driven, cultural ‘coolness’ of our times.

The most important dimension of Self Love Self Care First is to find, have, and maintain, the sovereignty to think for ourselves.

Our thoughts are critically important. They are what drive our uniqueness, and give us the trust to be ourselves. When our thoughts are hijacked, given to us, or forced upon us by others, we are no longer free.

James Baldwin was not only ahead of his time, but remains ahead, of even ours. If you read his recently republished essay “Nothing Personal”, I guarantee, it will change your life. For the better- If you want to live your truth, and as a free individual.

Until next time,
With my best,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #James Baldwin #Nothing Personal #writer #poet #thinker #freedom #equality #sovereignity #thinking 

(Photo credit- 1985 Los Angeles Times via AP)

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Why Are We Not Taught to Revere Ourselves?


It's Sunita here,




Never to be forgotten.
Returned to.

Self Love Self Care First

It’s neither selfish, nor indulgent to put ourselves in a place that is above, and often, away from all others.

On the contrary, it is only when we gain a deep understanding of how we are designed to function in this universe, and what our role is in our family, community, and eco system of society, that we wake up to how critical it is to nurture, protect, and care for ourselves.

We are the Keepers of The Divine in Us.

Think of the power you pray to. Bring to mind how you celebrate and honor your God/Goddess/The Divine.

While genuinely immersed in worship of that energy, I will safely assume there is no shaming, neglecting, minimizing, abusing, yelling at, looking down upon, withholding love and grace from, doubting, second guessing, ignoring, multi tasking, while tending to the Divine.

We are an extension of that Divine. 

We serve others through the instrument of our being. We share the gifts of our mind, body, and soul with the world.

How is it that we are not taught to revere ourselves?

How is it that we are not shown how to discover and celebrate ourselves?

How is it that we are not told to dig deep within ourselves and find who we are, so we may stand tall, and become more?

How is it that we are not cautioned against the folly and risks of giving to others while running on empty?

How is it we do not receive instruction on how to love ourselves?

How is it that we are not told how deserving we are of love?

Self Love Self Care First
® is the first step in making the world a better place.
Self Love Self Care First
® is about accountability- To ourselves, to our loved ones, and most importantly, to the Divine.

Because when we find our light, we are a beacon for others.

Because when we are full, we fill others.

Because when we are kind to, and understand ourselves, we find compassion for others.

Because when we truly love and care for ourselves, we do the same for others.

Come, join me on the journey to find acceptance for ourselves. There's a seat open for you right next to me, right now. It's never too late to live in love with ourselves. It's never too late to start fresh. It's never too late to unlearn a life worth of lies. 

All you have to do is make the commitment to yourself to practice SLSCF. I promise you, it will change your life for the better. 

Until next time,
With my love for you,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #healing #Divine #self discovery #self compassion #self acceptance #reverence

Friday, September 24, 2021

Surrender to Reality Because The Divine Plays a Long Game. We Can Too.


It's Sunita here.

In my stillness, when I have been one with the Divine, I have learnt that it does not play anything, but a long game. How long? Infinity, or simply put, so long that I can’t comprehend it. So, in order to stay close to the Divine, and experience it’s ecstasy as much, and as often, as I possibly can, I have had to learn it’s ways. The number one lesson about the Divine, and interestingly enough, what has resulted in minimizing my suffering, has been the necessity of facing reality.

I have learnt to face reality. Often, I don't like to. But I have learnt that I am not owed what I think I want, but am given what the Divine knows I need.

Instead of staying in a place or condition of wailing, lamenting, protesting, denying, being appalled, offended, enraged, insulted, mortified, lessened, broken down, ambushed, weakened, etc.,(you get the picture- and have probably been there too) when something happens in my life that is off my ‘plan’ ‘script’ or ‘want’, I now step back and look at it from afar.

Is this really as bad or damaging as I think it is? Or is the Divine designing this for me to become the person it knows I am?

Usually, that person is much bigger than I have believed myself to be…

I then see things the way they are, and move forward from there, as if on a treasure hunt. I believe there is something valuable hidden in what I previously would have called a shit storm.

Seeing the reality of my moments and life has made all the difference.

Not to say that I still don’t go into a bit of all of the above mentioned drama queen modes… but it’s like the fake tantrum of a kid who’s refused a second helping of dessert just before bed. The kid knows it’s wrong to ask, but follows the script of protest anyway. Eventually, the kid falls in line and doesn’t even ask for seconds anymore.

That’s about where I am now.

It takes a lot of hard work to get here. But I don’t like to unnecessarily suffer any more.
Do you?

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #The Divine #Surrender #Long game #self love #stop suffering #acceptance

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Doors. Entrances. Answers.


It's Sunita here.

We believe that we must travel far from home to find the answers we seek.

Adventure, exploration, pilgrimages...

They all are promised to lead us to a better understanding of the world, and ourselves.

In reality, the insights we desire and need for a life of inner peace and meaning lay within us, amongst our interactions and relationships with those who are the closest to us, internally.

It is our internal experiences of the external world - both known to us, and that part of the universe that exists beyond our consciousness, mysteriously, unbeknown to us, that give us information that is lasting, and serves to illuminate the universe for us.

It’s just a matter of being aware, and paying attention to our internal experience, and listening to what we hear inside us, in a space we create from silent stillness.

So, if you are looking for a entrance to something spectacular today, don’t look far.

Until next time, 
With my love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #insights #travel #self discovery #self love #self care #internal world #connection #relationships #right here #meaning #enlightenment #answers

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Truth, Clarity, and Weeds


It's Sunita here.

We feel our truth is ours to possess. 

That is not the way life is designed.

Our truth is to be sought by us.

It is the highest form of us that holds our truth. Only when we work to become that person, do we start to gain the clarity we need in order to have the ability to see our truth.

It is in this space that we find our gifts. This is where the magic lies. This is where the miracles happen. It is here that we exist fully, and are deeply alive.

To get there, we will have to move through, and conquer all the obstacles in the way. We will need to develop a sight that sees us, beyond the clutter and projections of others, and ourselves.

The narratives we inherit, and the ones we tell ourselves, serve the purpose of dissuading us from finding our shining light. They have to go, in order for us to discover our story.

The weeds are in the way of the clear, reflective pools of stillness that hold the secrets of our divine self. Are you willing to wade deeper, past them? Or will you stop at the edge, pretending to be content to look at the incomplete and foggy picture of yourself, while feeling miserable inside? Are you ready to let go of your despair and start the work of weed whacking?

Go beyond the weeds. Become inexhaustible on your journey towards your truth. Because that is where the excitement lies. 

That’s where life is waiting for you.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #selfdiscovery #truth #your truth #clarity #stillness #purpose #excitement #inexhautible #do the work

Monday, August 30, 2021




It's Sunita here.


If we were told we are alone from the get go, how would we live?

If we were told we are going to have to fight to find out who we truly are, would we be able to bear this truth?

Only when we are faced with losing everything, or have lost everything do we get up, and fight to reclaim ourselves.

The strength we need to survive the harshness that we experience as humans does not come after we reach a certain stage where we ‘find’ the courage to do so.

It comes from the courage we build, by taking steps to fight the adversities, losses, and challenges of life as a human.

We do not move forward towards courage. We build courage by moving forward, despite feeling weak, scared, overwhelmed, and uncertain.

No one can give us that courage. We have to dig deep inside and find it within ourselves.

Only when we decide that we cannot, and will not, live in the awful state that we are in do we make the changes that  we must to get out of our pain.

That is when our true selves emerge to discover the riches of being human. Our fight takes us to places of strength, confidence, pride, wisdom, and joy.

Yes, we are alone. That is the painful truth.

We came into this world alone. And we will leave it on our own as well. But we are connected to each other, invisibly. And to the universe. That connectedness is the energy that fuels our fight.

Only we can decide to use this energy to overcome our burdens and oppressions. Living free is the prize.

When will you say, 'No More'? It's up to you to make that choice.

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self discovery #self care #alone #connected #fight #triumph #emerge

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Joseph Brodsky Weighs In On How To Deal With The Assaults On Our Mind


It's Sunita here.

I see my mind as my mansion. What is allowed in is in my control, to a large extent. Inevitably, there will be elements of the external world that will gain admittance into my mind. I have no control over that. But once those elements are in, I do have the ability to make the conscious decision to deal with them in a manner of my design.

The American Soviet poet, Joseph Brodsky offers common sense in his profound words,

.....steal or still, the echo, so you don't allow an event, however unpleasant, or momentous, to claim any more time that it took for it to occur. What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way you react.

Living free requires our mind to be in charge of what we take in. And how we process it. There is no day, or moment when the external is not affecting us. But our interpretation of events that occur, and the motivations and interests of others, can aggressively make a home in our mind, if we let them.

Once they are invited in by us, they begin to dictate the terms of their stay to us.

You will give up the best rooms in your mind to host us. We will be parasites that live off all your resources. We will steal every moment of your day from you. We will stretch out and rest, while we take over your ability to do things that make you whole and happy. We will party while you become miserable. We will enjoy the comforts of your mind, while you suffer from self torture. We will relish seeing you waste your time believing our lies and deceptions.

Nobel Laureate, Joseph Brodsky said it well in his essay 'Speech at The Stadium" in On Grief and Reason,

What our foes do derives its significance or consequence from the way we react.

Don't give up your time and energy to vampires. 

Keep on point with your life.

You are worth it!

Until next time,


#selfloveselfcarefirst #self love #self care #joseph brodsky #poet #on grief and reason #speech at the stadium #mind #motivation #you are worth it #your life