Self Love. Self Care. Inspiration

My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

Hello,
It’s Sunita here.

I am a poet, an author, a wife, a mother, a sleep doctor, and a childhood trauma survivor. I healed when I understood that I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my mental health and my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

I now want to challenge and inspire you to move beyond your old stories so you can embrace possibility and fulfill your potential. So, if that is where you are in your life, I invite you to come visit with me when I write. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the bottom line is always Self Love Self Care First®.

Where did SLSCF® come from? I realized that I needed to find meaning in my suffering. I kept thinking, “What did I come out of this journey with? How can I convey what I now know other than what is in my poetry? What is the simplest, most fundamental, basic understanding of human nature that I discovered? And that is where Self Love Self Care First® comes from. I discovered that If we do not love ourselves, we do not care for ourselves. The pain of our lives and the messages we receive go deep to cause us at times to not pay attention to ourselves, and at times even hate ourselves. It is a difficult journey. And these feelings and beliefs come from the deepest parts of our unconscious. Self Love Self Care First® is a journey of learning we are all on. This is The Journey. To find compassion for ourselves. To find acceptance for ourselves. To find love for ourselves.

Find your light. Because we are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside. We must move inwards- not outward to look for the light. The light is inside you.

And when you find yours, you light up the world!
I hope you will join me in a journey of discovery, wonder, growth, and a celebration of our truth.

And love…

Because what else is there to talk about?

Be well, Do well, Live well,
Warmly,
Sunita



Sunday, February 21, 2021


 Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Our ordinariness possesses an extraordinary amount of beauty! Bask in it🌹 

Resist the urge to give into society’s demands, and it’s fascination to award the title ‘beautiful’ to only those that it deems worthy. Those categories are ways to imprison a human being. If you are called beautiful because of your exceptional physical beauty, know that it is temporary, and defined through society’s lens. 

If you are successful, as measured by the templates provided by society, you may also be considered beautiful. 

The idea that we must be on a never ending quest to achieve, acquire, and improve, for purposes of feeling beautiful and accepted is a trap. I am beautiful in my ordinariness! 

I hope you find joy in that beauty as well. 

It is a divine beauty that exists in us all. It does not demand that we be better to feel beautiful. This beauty does not want us to contort ourselves to fit into a space that is not made for us. 

Wishing you an abundance of such beauty,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #beauty #selflove #selfcare #love #sundaymornings #youarebeautiful #beautiful

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Will you be my Valentine?


Hello,

It's Sunita here.

You are precious to me today. On Valentine's Day. But more importantly, I treasure you every day.

I love you. I adore you. I put you above all others. Most times, I only want to be with you. I can't bear to be away from you.

So, I keep you close to me, even when I am far from you. 

When I don't get enough alone time with you, I get irritable and cranky. I don't think right, and I can't see things clearly.

It has taken a lot of courage to put you first in my life because it's not conventionally considered to be the right thing to do. I wasn't taught to love you. I did not know how to listen to you. I felt so guilty taking care of you because I thought it was my job to take care of others, before I gave you any attention. I was made to feel selfish if I ever spoke out loud about my love for you.

I started to feel depressed because I missed you. When others bad mouthed you, I joined in their critical chorus, because I started to believe the awful things they told me about you. I began to only see your deficiencies and shortcomings. That made me ignore you. Eventually, I hated you. I would find ways to punish you. And I became an expert on sabotaging you if you ever dared to stick up for me.

One day I woke up and realized that I had lost my capacity to love anyone else. 

I resented taking care of others, and started to neglect myself as well. I shut down, and completely stopped listening to you. Anything you said, I ignored. I was miserable, and was making everyone around me pretty unhappy as well. 

I knew deep down that I was wrong to desert you. I felt guilty. I missed you  terribly. So, I started the long and painful journey to reconnect with you. It was hard work. I had to re-learn how to appreciate you. I had to rekindle my love affair with you. I realized that only when I loved you first could I love anyone else. When I did not care for you, I lost all my loving magic powers. 

Now I love you every day, every hour, every moment, and, every second of the day. Sometimes you annoy me. And there are innumerable occasions when you don't do what I want you to do, in the manner that I need you to do things. I've had to learn to be patient with you when you are not on your best behavior. I remind myself constantly to find compassion for you when you really mess up.

But I know that on the inside, you are simply put, divine! And I've come to finally realize that it's my privilege, and my responsibility to take good care of you, and to love you, without any stinginess or reservations. This way, not only do I feel loved and happy, but everyone around me does too. 

So, I ask you Sunita, will you be my Valentine? Because you are my forever love!

Until next time, 

Wishing you all a Happy Valentine's Day!

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #valentine'sday #selflove #selfcare #love #selfcompasion #wellness #depression #attachmenttrauma #childhoodtrauma #ACEs #healing #therapy #relearning #rethinking #joy



Tuesday, February 2, 2021

Why we Must try 'Crossing Unmarked Snow' While Being Bombarded by Voices of Unimaginative Mediocrity- William Stafford Inspires!

Hello,
It's Sunita here.


“The things you do not have to say make you rich. 
Saying things you do not have to say weakens your talk. 
Hearing things you do not need to hear dulls your hearing. 
And things you know before you hear them--those are you, 
Those are why you are in the world.” 

― William Stafford, Crossing Unmarked Snow

The snowstorm that hit the northeastern shore has been a perfect time to reflect on these lyrical words of poet, William Stafford from his book, Crossing Unmarked Snow

The quality and richness of silence is where we will find our fullest, and unique voice. Our inner voice that invites us to become our best selves. It waits for us to notice it. When we do, it then guides us like a sherpa, to the deep well within that holds the wisdom to liberate us from the difficult complexities of life.

We must stop looking for what is not out there. 

As we are bombarded by so- called experts, influencers, entertainers, and practically anyone who posts their thoughts, experiences and opinions on readily available avenues, it is so easy to allow our own thoughts to be swallowed up by these voices of repetitive, unimaginative mediocrity.

Ignoring and denying what is plentiful and abundant inside us, we scroll down different platforms of social media, not only wasting our precious time, but also insulting our discerning selves as we allow the dullness of these outside voices to mute our own imaginative and powerful one.

Only when we become still, and look within us do we discover what we instinctively know about our journey. 

I hope you found such stillness during the spectacular, and powerful beauty of this snowstorm. William Stafford's words need to be read again and again, to grasp the simple but profound wisdom they bring us. They never get old.

Wishing you a safe week ahead,
Full of your unique voice!
Love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #williamstafford #poem #crossingunmarkedsnow #poetry #words #yourvoice #mediocrity 




Sunday, January 24, 2021

Amanda Gorman Ablaze at Biden's Inauguration Sets the World on Fire with her Words

PHOTO: ALEX WONG/GETTY IMAGES.

 Hello,

It's Sunita here.

I was transfixed this week, like millions of others, who witnessed Amanda Gorman recite her poem, 'The Hill We Climb' at President Joseph Biden's inauguration ceremonies. 

I loved everything about her, from the spectacular and sunny yellow coat she wore, to her confident and rapturous presence while she took the stage to recite her poem. It was also obvious to me, that despite the incredible poise she presented herself with, she was going "Can you believe this??" in her head- her expressions giving us an inkling of the excitement and giddy joy she was feeling as she looked out towards the crowds (sparse this year, but a distinguished gathering none the less) from the inaugural platform.

But my biggest thrill came from the words Amanda chose to share with the world. 

Taking the broken pieces of our nation and our hearts, she used words to masterfully weave them into images of reckoning, lessons learnt, wisdom and ultimately, hope. She presented us with the harshness of our times, yet with a kindness, that reassured us that we still possess within us the strength, and will to turn things around, so we may fulfil our potential as humans, and the promise of a just and loving society. 

Amanda helped us celebrate our humanity by highlighting how the process of becoming our best versions is a difficult one, but not impossible. Much is wrong today. But there is light amongst the violent, hateful and terrifying darkness we find ourselves in. And each one of us must find the courage to be that light.

Thank you Amanda, for putting the jagged, broken pieces of our souls in a beauteous frame that illuminates our goodness, and inspires us to move forward, and inwards to light. 

Amanda, thank you for your words! 

THE HILL THAT WE CLIMB by Amanda Gorman

When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

The loss we carry. A sea we must wade.

We braved the belly of the beast.

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace, and the norms and notions of what “just” is isn’t always justice.

And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.

Somehow we do it.

Somehow we weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished.

We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one.

And, yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect.

We are striving to forge our union with purpose.

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so we lift our gaze, not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.

We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.

We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another.

We seek harm to none and harmony for all.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true.

That even as we grieved, we grew.

That even as we hurt, we hoped.

That even as we tired, we tried.

That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.

Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid.

If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we’ve made.

That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb, if only we dare.

It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit.

It’s the past we step into and how we repair it.

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation, rather than share it.

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.

And this effort very nearly succeeded.

But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.

In this truth, in this faith we trust, for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us.

This is the era of just redemption.

We feared at its inception.

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour.

But within it we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves.

So, while once we asked, how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe, now we assert, how could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised but whole, benevolent but bold, fierce and free.

We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation, become the future.

Our blunders become their burdens.

But one thing is certain.

If we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy and change our children’s birthright.

So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left.

Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.

We will rise from the golden hills of the West.

We will rise from the windswept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution.

We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states.

We will rise from the sun-baked South.

We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover.

And every known nook of our nation and every corner called our country, our people diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade of flame and unafraid.

The new dawn balloons as we free it.

For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it.

If only we’re brave enough to be it.


Until next time,

With hopes for a better tomorrow,

And my love,

Sunita


#selfloveselfcarefirst #words #AmandaGorman #poet #youthpoetlaureate #PresidentJoeBiden #presidentialinauguration #Jaunuary20 #TheHillWeClimb #poem #poetry #hope #Ablaze

Thursday, December 31, 2020

Life is Good- Even in a Pandemic- Nobel Laureate Bjornstjerne Bjornson Illuminates




Hello,
It's Sunita here.

2020 will go down in our memories as an unprecedented year. Never before in our lifetime had we experienced a pandemic, that brought with it death, illness, destruction, unemployment, financial hardship, discord, and massive lockdowns worldwide. No one was spared from the impact of COVID 19. The extent, and manner in which we were differently affected became a tool and yardstick, with which we could objectify, and measure the obvious inequalities in our country, and the world.

Since early spring this year, the bad news that surrounded the pandemic was accompanied by a massive demonstration of our instinct for self preservation. The vibrancy and vitality of humanity boldly staked it's place alongside the brutality of COVID-19 in 2020. 

This instinct for self preservation stems from our fundamental belief that life is good. 

Writer Bjornstjerne Bjornson (1832-1910) in his acceptance speech for the 1903 Nobel Prize in Literature passionately talks about what he considers to be human progress.

"...whenever I think of human progress, I see it as an endless procession in which men and women move steadily along. The line they follow is not invariably straight but it does take them forward. They are urged by an irresistible force, purely instinctive at first but eventually more and more conscious. Not that human progress is even a matter of conscious effort, and no man has ever been able to make it so."

Going on to mention two of his hero's, Bjornson elaborates on his conviction that life is good. Of Henrik Ibsen, a fellow Norwegian and friend, he says, 
"He has lit many a beacon along our Norwegian coast to guide the mariner, to warn him of the danger that lies ahead." 

 Of Tolstoy, the other writer whom he considered great, Bjornson says,

"...his light shines forth and gives happiness to many. Their spirit, their many years of work, were lit by a purpose that was even brighter, like a flame in the evening wind... 

Of the two great writers I have mentioned, it may well be that the former's warnings are so severe as to be frightening. And the latter may lure us with the charms of an ideal that passes human understanding, and therefore frightens too. But what is necessary is that our courage to live is strengthened, not weakened. 

Fear should not turn us back from the paths which open before us. The procession must go on. We must be confident that life is fundamentally good, that even after frightening disasters and the most tragic events, the earth is bathed in a flood of strength whose source is eternal. Our belief in it is its proof."

Courageous first responders, scientists and researchers, social media influencers, bloggers, leaders from all walks of life, and organizations made immense, significant and important contributions to combat the virus responsible for this pandemic.

But the biggest hero of all in this story has been you!



You have persevered through a tremendously difficult year. You stretched yourself beyond limits that you believed you had no capacity to. 

You kept the procession moving!

You were amazing in many different ways. 

You managed with less. You made friends with uncertainty (albeit, with a varying degree of levels of ease) You voluntarily surrendered the intimacy of touch and personal visits to loved ones for the sake of their health and survival. You learnt new skills so you could keep working. You managed to keep yourself together (mostly) while housing and educating your kids in your new home office. You lost your job. You changed your career. You lost your business. You went back to school. You may still be looking for a new job. You took care of patients who had COVID. You looked out for your neighbors, community, and the world at large. You shopped for, and cooked more meals than you ever wanted to. You dealt with cranky family members who thought you were blowing this 'flu' out of proportion. You battled depression and anxiety. You lost it many times, only to courageously gather yourself, and move forward after you did. You did not even have the luxury of running away from this depressing year on an escape vacation. Or a visit to a friend for comfort/ a good whining/ugly cry/furious, break the plates session. But you dealt with that. You learnt how to socialize and have family holidays on a screen. Heck, you even had to meet up with your therapist on zoom. 

Worst of all, you may have had to bury a loved one who died of COVID 19 this year.

Day after day, you kept finding new strengths. You surprised yourself by learning new skills necessary to survive this year. You tapped into a reserve of resilience within you, the existence of which you were unaware of.

Best of all, you got to know yourself more this year.

You did all this because you believe life is good. That is why you kept the procession moving. So, take a bow. Realize how courageous, flexible and resourceful you have been this year. Give yourself credit. And more importantly, give yourself lots of love. 

You deserve this mercy!

"Victor Hugo has been my hero." continued Bjorstjerne Bjornson in his 1903 Nobel Prize acceptance speech. 

"At the bottom of his brilliant imagination lies the conviction that life is good... His joie de vivre. Our instinct of self preservation insists on this, for if life did not have more good than evil to offer us, it would have come to an end long ago. Any picture of life that does not allow for this fact is a distorted picture. It is wrong to imagine, as some do, that it is the dark aspects of life what are bad for us. That is not true."

When I wrote 2020- An Ask That Has Nothing to Do With Resolutions, Goals or Measured Outcomes. The Tao Te Ching and Ursula Le Guin Illuminate on January 5th, 2020, I had no way to know how important my asks for the year would be for our sheer survival as the months unfolded. 

Softness. Flexibility. Adaptability. Fluidity. 

As we hopefully, and excitedly usher in 2021, I trust you will find a moment to reflect on the gifts it brought us, hidden amongst the destruction, darkness and uncertainty.

Personally, I am grateful for all the lessons 2020 taught me, and for every opportunity I had to create, and contribute. Above all, I am grateful to have all those who love me, and for whom I feel love. 

I leave you with this poem of mine. It reminds me to stay in the present. I hope you will too. Because life is good. And there is more to come!

HAUNTED 
There are no promises to be made,
For the times that have not yet unfolded.
So, sleep,
My love.


Until next time,
With my best wishes for your best year ever!
And my love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #lifeisgood #2020 #bjornstjernebjornson #nobellaureate #Norway #Norwegianwriter #Norwegianpoet #leotolstoy #henrikibsen #victorhugo #selflove #resilience #person of the year2020 #hope #faith #happynewyear #pandemic #covid19 #love #poetry #sleep #2021





Saturday, November 28, 2020

The COVID19 Pandemic Does Not Offer a Redo


Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Thanksgiving was a low-key affair in my household this year. That did not dim our celebration of the healing power of gratitude in any shape or form. If anything, I felt a strong urge to express my thanks to those whom I may have taken for granted on occasion in the past. It's as if COVID19 has brought a new awareness to us. With our health and our life being on the line at all times, it has sharpened our focus on the fragility of our existence.

Uncertainty brings all kinds of unique challenges. Today things seem to be very different than before we were hit by this pandemic. But the truth is uncertainty has always been a part of our lives. We usually just ignore this hard to swallow fact. Predictability gives us a false sense of power that leads us to believe the illusion that we have control.  We no longer are afforded that luxury. COVID-19 took that illusion away from us. 

Holidays are now measured in how many friends and relatives we can invite. Masks are the norm for many, and a cause for revolt for almost an equal number of others. Staying at a safe distance (6-10 feet depending on the setting) is now considered polite. One wonders if shaking hands will ever be socially acceptable again. The burden of this pandemic's demand for our isolation and separation from others is no joke. The cost of safety procured by lockdowns and limited social contact is rising globally.

But in all the isolation and loneliness that this pandemic brings, there also lies a wonderful and unique opportunity to get to know ourselves better. If we were to carefully look at our pre-pandemic activities, we would see how we spent our time. Can you honestly say that your time was spent on people and activities that were forwarding your life mission? Were you allocating time to your soul work? Did you know what your soul work was?

All these questions require introspection. To look inwards we need time, energy and effort. The business of life is a perfect excuse for us to avoid devoting ourselves to examining our life and the direction we are taking towards actualizing our potential and purpose. Being immersed in the 'daily' stuff is no longer an excuse. This slow down pace of pandemic life has presented us with a gift. The gift of time. What are you going to do with it?

What possibilities can you dream of today? Once a successful vaccination program for COVID 19 is developed and implemented worldwide, the pandemic will be over. What will you have gained or changed in this time? 

More clarity of a vision? A plan for a better future? A rearrangement of your priorities? Closer relationships with people who matter to you? Will you pick up a new skill or hobby during the pandemic? How about some advanced training in your field of work? A fitness goal perhaps? Aren't these long winter evenings perfect for writing a book? Have you ever thought of a career change or of starting your own business?

The possibilities are endless if your focus is on what you can do-not on what you can not do right now. 

Purging and abandonment of all things, activities, and those who do not serve our life and its purpose is a difficult thing to do. But today the pandemic has forced us to live without the usual time clutters we had incorporated in our daily routines. The habitual obligations we had mistakenly thought of as essential commitments sucked up our most precious resource- our time. 

Now we have an excellent opportunity to purge the extra fat in our life. 

Time has never stopped for anyone, anything, or any event. This truth is not going to change. So, if we can, we must look at the amazing opportunity this uncomfortable, but necessary isolation and slowdown has brought to us, and take advantage of it.

We can complain all we want about not being able to have our relatives and friends over for the holidays. We can lament about the unfairness of the devastation of the virus, and what it is doing to our lives. We can speculate when it will all be over. We can do many things- but we can't ever get this time back.

So, use it wisely.  

A life of originality and authenticity is ultimately the only worthwhile measure of success. We are meant to show off an unedited version of our soul. But first we must invest the time it takes to identify our talents and gifts. Only then can we move forward to realizing them. We must say NO to all the non-essentials in our life to be able to say YES to the path of self-actualization and a life of meaning. That requires courage. And hard work. Plus a dedication of time. 

The time is now! 

Seize this opportunity to redesign your life. Emerge from this pandemic with something new. Create something unique in this challenging time. Become a better version of yourself. Dare greatly to break the boundries you have defined for yourself. Drop the people who do not sincerely care about you, or where your life is going.

The COVID 19 pandemic does not offer a redo. Live every day to its fullest and become who you were meant to be. 

The journey of a thousand miles stats with a single step.
-Lao Tzu

Show up for yourself.
I will too!

Until next time,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #covid19 #pandemic #isolation #opportunity #laotzu 
#courage #succcess #authenticself #daregreatly 





 

Sunday, November 8, 2020

Why we Must Acknowledge and Accept our Yearning for Love



 

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Accepting our yearnings without judging ourselves is a tough enough journey, but owning up to the most fundamental one we have is a monumental task. 

It can be even more terrifying if one has suffered from attachment trauma and ACE's.

However, denial of our need to be loved leads us to places that are dark and damaging. And lonely. I know that first hand.

I share a reading of this poem with you today.

"Yearning" from Stripping- My Fight to Find Me

Wishing you an abundance of love,
Sunita


#selfloveselfcarefirst #yearning #poetry #poets #ISTDP #unconscious #ACE's #attachment #trauma #dynamicpsychotherapy #Davanloo #courage #love


PS-I hope you all have been coping well and have found ways to rise above the challenges of this time. I have been writing infrequently due to the additional demands of practicing at my dental and sleep practice during a pandemic. But thanks to the collective efforts of my dedicated team, I am now able to rejoin you. 

I have missed my visits with you but am glad that I stayed true to my message of Self Love Self Care First. I had to adjust and modify my routines to be able to take care of my responsibilities at work. This flexibility is a way to honor ourselves. It helps us avoid overdoing it and causing physical and mental exhaustion. That not only harms us, but all those around us. I hope you are practicing SLSCF with such flexibility. S


Sunday, August 30, 2020

Why We Must Wear a Mask


Hello,

It's Sunita here.

Nature is telling us that we have been talking nonsense. And talking too much.

Too much of nonsense is still nonsense.

So we have been advised to PAUSE and BE QUIET.

The Universe is saying that we must wear masks so we can be reminded that we have only been interested in talking about what we think, feel and see, and have lost our capacity to hear about what someone else may be experiencing. 

We have been too preoccupied with imposing our reality on others.

So we have been advised to STOP in order  to LISTEN MORE, and TALK LESS.

We are interconnected. We are interdependent. There is no escaping this reality of our existence.

That is why we must wear our masks (translates to- "shut up!") and try to understand each other better. Let others talk. Listen to them. Understand them (That does not translate to "you must necessarily agree with them"). 

Connect with them.

When we are fully present and listen, others feel heard. That's when they will respond, and reciprocate by listening to us. And that becomes the birth of a compassionate conversation that connects us to one other.

We can change the world, one conversation at a time.

So just wear your mask.

And stop talking.

Just listen.

Stay Safe,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #mask #listen #pause #compassion #understanding #conversation #connection