My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Sunday, May 31, 2020

I Can't Breathe- Don't Just Sit There Doing Nothing

How many more times must we hear these words before we say "Enough"?
It's Sunita here.

I love words. I look up to words. I use words. I play with words. Basically, I worship words.

But words are not, and never, enough to right a wrong. 

It is only actions that will change what we are a part of. All of us. This social unrest is not about a ‘segment of our society’. 

It is about us as a society. 

Not "them", Not "others", Not "someone else."

There are many ways we can all become part of the solution. Today, there are many who are incredibly gifted at mobilizing change in big, powerful, and meaningful ways. I admire them, and am so grateful for their efforts, and abilities to organize the change that must occur so that everyone feels safe and seen in our society. But community organizing may not be what you and I can do. Does that mean we have no way to participate in this change? No. Does that mean we are powerless and voiceless? No. 

We can be significant and influential agents of justice in ways that will add up. Like the drops in an ocean. We can look at our sphere of influence and choose to speak up and actively make decisions that swiftly move the cause of racial equality forward. Every act and word counts. Something as simple as calling up a friend and saying, “I stand with you. You are not alone.” 

And it’s a good idea to let go of the notion that you understand what they go through on a daily basis. That’s insulting and patronizing. How we hire, how we mentor and promote people, how we reach out and encourage someone to aspire to be their best version. How we believe in someone. How we look to understand someone and their journey is a start. 

Asking questions, and then truly listening. All of this matters. 

Start somewhere. Start small. Do whatever you can do. 

But don’t just sit there doing nothing!

It's a matter of our survival. Not only theirs. 


#icantbreathe #socialunrest #racial #MLK #martinlutherkingjunior #dosomething #speakup #love #justice #listen #understand #blacklivesmatter #istandwothyou #blacksisters #blackbrothers 

Sunday, May 24, 2020

BID for a KISS When Feeling Overwhelmed, Stuck or Slow in this Pandemic- It Works!

It's Sunita here.

As we move into having months, not weeks of living in the time of a pandemic under our belt, we can look back and start to see how it is affecting us.

I have found myself discover a new focus and clarity that was something I had always wished for, and was worked diligently towards. The current crisis seems to have put all my past efforts in a basket, and zapped them into a magic crystal. I carry that crystal of my stripped persona everywhere these days. It allows me to direct my attention and energies to what is most important to me. And it energizes me.

We will need such clarity to survive this serious threat to our lives, and our world. I believe it is not only possible to survive this time, but rise above the challenge of the pandemic, and thrive. And I intend to do my best to transform.

But I have found something that I never really experienced before in the way that I do these days.

I can be going about tacking complex and difficult problems, creatively making plans, and energetically executing them in order to move past the barriers that COVID 19 has strewn in my life. Things will be going swimmingly well. I feel alert and capable. But after a few hours of doing such productive work, I suddenly fall flat. It's like I am a balloon that just lost all its air.

I can't think. I sometimes can't even move. Forget about continuing to be in the zone. I feel depleted. I am overwhelmed. And I feel stuck.

It's as if I have become another person...

It took me a while, but I've found a way to move past this pandemic induced state. I share it here with you with the hope that it will be helpful to you too in such moments.

When I feel stuck, overwhelmed, slow or stressed, I now STOP.

I remember that I must be my own first responder.

I then go back to the basics of conscious breathing.
( I find Thay's guide "How Do I Love Myself?" a very helpful practice for this)

Once I feel deeply connected to my body and my mind, I BID for a KISS.

BID stands for Break It Down.
KISS stands for Keep It Super Simple.

I essentially break down what I am doing into small, bite size chunks. And I simplify my tasks. I reorganize my thoughts to accommodate this shift and resume my day.

And if I'm lucky enough to see my husband close by, I bid for his kiss as well. It always makes me feel better!

Be patient and kind with yourself. We are all facing enormous challenges, both physically and mentally. We are coping with the pressures of uncertainty and having to come up with new ways to live and work. That is daunting and is requiring a tremendous amount of energy. No wonder we feel stuck and overwhelmed. It's natural to feel that way under such circumstances. But there are ways to get unglued from that inertia. I hope you will consider a BID for a KISS at such times. It really works!

With my best to you for an unglued week,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #stuck #breakitdown #keepitsupersimple #covid19tips #selfcare #selflove #gustavklimt #thekiss #vienna #austria

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Softness. Flexibility. Adaptability. Fluidity- A Prophetic Ask of Mine at The Start of 2020- Who Knew How Much We Would Need Them Today

It's Sunita here.

When I wrote my first blog of the year on January 5th, 2020 I asked the universe to grace me with the state of being fluid so I could be more present in my life.

Little did I know how much flexibility would be needed just to survive in the new, scary and uncertain times of the COVID-19 pandemic. Everything has changed since I wrote that article just a few months ago..

We are now slowly grasping the reality of our new world, and what it will take to emerge physically, and mentally in good health from this dark time. A combination therapy like necessary approach of social distancing, screening for symptoms of COVID-19, wearing masks and frequent hand washing has us reeling.

Within weeks, how we work, play and live has undergone severe, and previously unimaginable changes. The new patterns are extremely restrictive, and socially isolating. Financial worries, additional responsibilities at home, and forced separation from our loved ones have added to the stress of the possibility of catching the virus, and getting sick. Even worse, we understand the ease with which we could unknowingly infect those whom we dearly love.

So how can one not only survive this turbulence, but thrive?

The answer lies in my wishes at the start of 2020. Looking back, they seem incredibly prophetic and critically essential for the times we face today. I firmly believe, they hold the key to helping us rise above the tyranny and heartlessness of COVID-19.

So I share them with you again, in the hopes, that they will spark in you a resilience that is marked by softness, flexibility, adaptability and fluidity.

There is hope and life beyond this virus. I intend to fight to be there to embrace it.

I hope you will too!
Stay Home, Stay Safe, Stay Well,

Happy New Year to you and yours!

I have started the year on a note of great optimism and excitement. Like many of you, I relish this opportunity to re-imagine and reset my life. In my home and my work place, the last few weeks have been all about cleaning, organizing, discarding the unnecessary and simplifying my environment so I can focus on what is important to me in a more efficient way. This cleansing also helps me be more joyful as it is designed to facilitate my Heart Bliss's.

But when I think deeply about the coming year and the years still to come, I am left with a prayer for only one thing. And it has nothing to do with my passions, my purpose, my goals or even my intentions. But it is the source of what I now know is the key to Being. Without it, I am not present. Nor am I truly living.

Softness. Flexibility. Adaptability. Fluidity. 

I believe that we receive what we are searching for, when we seek it with all our heart and soul. In life, a Master appears when we are ready for the lesson. This poem is such a master.


Living people
are soft and tender.
Corpses are hard and stiff.
The ten thousand things,
the living grass, the trees,
are soft, pliant.
Dead, they're dry and brittle.

So hardness and stiffness
go with death;
tenderness, softness,
go with life.

And the hard sword fails,
the stiff tree's felled.
The hard and great go under.
The soft and weak stay up.

These words from the Tao Te Ching are thought to be over 2500 years old. They are believed to be written by a man named Lao Tzu who may have been a contemporary of Confucius. This poem is from Ursula Le Guin's version of the Tao Te Ching and speaks to my searching soul. 

In a world of millions of choices and options, it soothes me and guides me to Just Be. I start to flow like a quiet brook in a leafy forest when I read it. It moves me to a place where I am able to sit still and wait for what the Universe has for me. And most importantly, it reminds me that I will be stronger if I go with what is given to me instead of fighting it. With this wisdom, I surrender. In this surrender, I find my strengthdiscover joy and achieve my goals.

I hope you do too.

With my very best wishes to you for 2020,
With my love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst#poetry#taoteching#laotzu#ursulaleguin#wisdom#2020#happynewyear#softness #flexibility #adaptability #fluidity #resilience

Sunday, May 10, 2020

How Mother's Day in the Midst of a Pandemic is An Opportunity to Give Our Children Something Timeless and Invaluable

It's Sunita here.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today's post is dedicated to our world's Front Line Mothers who are a shining example, on a daily basis, of how to live courageously, and selflessly serve humanity.Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

COVID-19 has changed our world but my advice to my daughters since I originally posted this blog on May 10, 2019 remains the same. 

There are however a few thoughts I felt the need to highlight for them this year in this re-post of that article.

If I choose to live with courage, it will take me through good times and bad.

COVID-19 had definitely challenged me but I am brave, resourceful and resilient. And that is how I am moving forward. 

With hope! 

I also feel it is very important for them to know that at times I am scared and sad. And, that is OK. 

Many times, I don't have answers when I get up. I accept that painful feeling and then, process the fear and paralysis that this uncertainty brings me by working through the problems that present themselves. I usually have a better idea of what to do by the end of the day. Or a little later.

May 10, 2019

I am grateful each and every day to have been chosen to be my daughters, Nina and Simrin's mother.

I believe my biggest job as their mother is to live my life in a manner that inspires them to be the best human beings possible.

It is my hope

- that my courage to be honest and open about my struggles will free them to live lives that are authentic and true to who they are, not to the unrealistic expectations of others.

- that my fight to overcome childhood trauma will encourage them to disallow  challenges to bully them into making a choice of leading a 'small life'.

- that my decision to publish Stripping : My Fight to Find Me , a collection of poems that journals my pain and suffering due to trauma, demonstrates to them how being open to being vulnerable led me to being  brave.

It is my deepest wish

- that their existence be not only free of suffering, but one of joy.

- to see them live lives of curiosity, their choice and in alignment with their truth

- that they not only live happy lives, but more importantly, of meaning and purpose.

- that they make a difference in this world.

The commitment that I have made to being compassionate and kind to myself,  Self Love Self Care First , is the legacy that I want to leave for them. 

Above all, I want them to experience and cherish the greatest gift of life- Love!
Because what else is there to talk about?

Wishing you all a very blessed Mother's Day!
May you be safe and healthy,
With my love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #resilience #pandemic #covid19 #resourcefulness #joy #vulnerability #trauma #healing #mother #daughters #courage #bravery #honesty #love #frontline #gratitude

Sunday, May 3, 2020

5 Things you Can Do to Feel Better Today

It's Sunita here.

We are a bag of varied, and complex emotions these days. We all may be impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic to a different degree, and in different ways, but it is impossible to remain unaffected by it's presence in our lives.

The order to 'stay home' to help limit the spread of the virus has come with a heavy price tag. But it has also brought us a rare opportunity to slow down.

Every day, the hours can be filled by continuously visiting various social media sites, and being glued to the 24/7 news about everything corona. There is no lack of opinions, forecasts and projections of what lies ahead.

"Staying informed" this way actually makes us feel helpless, sad and worried. It makes us feel like we have no control over anything that is unfolding. That is true to a large extent, but it neglects to highlight what is in our hands.

Here are 5 things you can do today to feel better.
  1. Stay away from social media and opinion makers. Filling your mind with what others are doing and saying is like giving away your prime real estate to others for free. News is designed to engage and enrage you. Keep your mind calm and relaxed for you to use as you work to figure out what your future could look like, and plan what you need to do to make things happen once the 'stay home' order is lifted. 
  2. Make a list of the 5-10 people who would miss you the most, and would be impacted the most severely if you were to die of COVID-19. Focus your efforts and energies on them. It will help you to have direction and control over your intentions and actions, as opposed to being stuck in a helpless OMG! What can I do mode?
  3. Clean out a closet or a cupboard. Throw away, or give away stuff that you have not used in the past 24 months. Critically evaluate what you really need and simplify that area of your home.
  4. Make a list of 3 things/people you are truly grateful for. Spend some time mindfully thinking about them. Let your body feel your gratitude. 
  5. Make a list of 3 things you have done to help others during this pandemic. Give yourself some credit. Pat yourself humbly on the back. Feel good about yourself. Hold on to that feeling and remind yourself that you can feel this way every time you are helpful in the future. Too often we minimize our kindness to others and negatively compare our efforts to those who may be in a better position than us to help.
Just imagine how happy, in control and empowered you will feel if you repeat these 5 things regularly during the "Stay Home" period. And, if you choose to continue this practice after that order is lifted as well...

Wishing you a week of simplicity, productivity, happiness and gratitude!
Stay safe, stay well,