It's Sunita here.
You are precious to me today. On Valentine's Day. But more importantly, I treasure you every day.
I love you. I adore you. I put you above all others. Most times, I only want to be with you. I can't bear to be away from you.
So, I keep you close to me, even when I am far from you.
When I don't get enough alone time with you, I get irritable and cranky. I don't think right, and I can't see things clearly.
It has taken a lot of courage to put you first in my life because it's not conventionally considered to be the right thing to do. I wasn't taught to love you. I did not know how to listen to you. I felt so guilty taking care of you because I thought it was my job to take care of others, before I gave you any attention. I was made to feel selfish if I ever spoke out loud about my love for you.
I started to feel depressed because I missed you. When others bad mouthed you, I joined in their critical chorus, because I started to believe the awful things they told me about you. I began to only see your deficiencies and shortcomings. That made me ignore you. Eventually, I hated you. I would find ways to punish you. And I became an expert on sabotaging you if you ever dared to stick up for me.
One day I woke up and realized that I had lost my capacity to love anyone else.
I resented taking care of others, and started to neglect myself as well. I shut down, and completely stopped listening to you. Anything you said, I ignored. I was miserable, and was making everyone around me pretty unhappy as well.
I knew deep down that I was wrong to desert you. I felt guilty. I missed you terribly. So, I started the long and painful journey to reconnect with you. It was hard work. I had to re-learn how to appreciate you. I had to rekindle my love affair with you. I realized that only when I loved you first could I love anyone else. When I did not care for you, I lost all my loving magic powers.
Now I love you every day, every hour, every moment, and, every second of the day. Sometimes you annoy me. And there are innumerable occasions when you don't do what I want you to do, in the manner that I need you to do things. I've had to learn to be patient with you when you are not on your best behavior. I remind myself constantly to find compassion for you when you really mess up.
But I know that on the inside, you are simply put, divine! And I've come to finally realize that it's my privilege, and my responsibility to take good care of you, and to love you, without any stinginess or reservations. This way, not only do I feel loved and happy, but everyone around me does too.
So, I ask you Sunita, will you be my Valentine? Because you are my forever love!
Until next time,
Wishing you all a Happy Valentine's Day!
With my love,
#selfloveselfcarefirst #valentine'sday #selflove #selfcare #love #selfcompasion #wellness #depression #attachmenttrauma #childhoodtrauma #ACEs #healing #therapy #relearning #rethinking #joy