It's Sunita here.
I walk on sand.
My sand shifts with the wind.
It runs after the outlying horizon.
Carelessly leaving me groundless.
I walk on sand.
Loyal to its invariable whimsies,
Longing for its fickle love,
Accepting of its infinite, illicit transgressions.
I walk on sand,
Even as it brutally blinds me.
Blasting my bare, trusting face,
When propelled by a cruel, stormy gale.
I walk on sand,
Crippled by my craving of its wayward flights,
Shackled by the bottomless pit that it conceals,
Imprisoned by my fear of solid ground.
#32 in the collection
'Stripping : My Fight to Find Me'
We are social creatures and are born to connect with others. We are biologically wired for relationships and from the moment we are conceived we need others for our survival. This survival goes way beyond food and shelter. For us to be able to thrive, we need human emotional connection. That connection and safe interactions first start with our primary caregivers and lay the foundation of our 'relationship template'. We learn about ourselves and our place in the world through what we see and experience with our caregiver. Their responsiveness to our emotional needs is key to the healthy development of our inner world.
The connections we have as infants to our primary care givers and those close to us can in many ways be compared to our internet connection. If it is not working, you can't connect to any of the sites you need to in order to do work, play, be entertained, reach out to your friends, connect to new people, create new work and much more.
When attachment bonds are patchy, interrupted, destroyed or damaged, our lives take a turn for the worse. This trauma is called Attachment Trauma and it leads to many variations of hell on earth.
Attachment theory in psychology originates with the seminal work of John Bowlby (1958).Bowlby defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings” (1969, p. 194). Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1969). See Attachment Theory and In depth discussion of Attachment.
Dr. Beatrice Beebe, a Clinical Professor of Medical Psychology at Columbia University studies the baby's non verbal language at Columbia University. The level of responsiveness of infants and their ability to communicate with us is amazingly higher than formerly understood or even believed to exist.
Millions of adults suffer from depression, anxiety, isolation, lack of self, addictions, relationship problems and unexplained medical symptoms and much more debilitating conditions. And yet, they may function and be successful in many other ways, so this damage and inner world fragmentation may be totally invisible and unnoticed on the outside- by others and most unfortunate of all, even by themselves.
But deep inside, you know something is not right. If you are one of such people, get help! Science has come far and there are predictable treatments for Attachment Trauma/ Developmental Trauma that work to help people claim their unlived life and find joy.
There is hope!
Walk out of the darkness. Fight to find who you truly are. Fight to move towards your light. Fight to reclaim your life. Fight to rebuild your life. Fight to find joy.
Our conversation will continue.
With my love and hope for you,
Until next time,