My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Saturday, April 24, 2021

Vulnerability is Non- Negotiable if We Want to Be Loved

It is Sunita here.

Last year was a sad year in my family's pet companion arena. Our dog Thor had been aging and showing signs of decline for some months. In the spring and summer of the COVID stay at home orders, despite us all being around to care for him, he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, leaving us heartbroken. He had been the first pet my children ever had in their life, and to say he was an exceptionally gentle and loving big dog is not giving him enough credit for who he was. 

I used to joke that Thor was a dog who really needed to be introduced to all babies so they could have a positive introduction to a dog. We were so used to being stopped by children of our neighborhood who had to pet him and talk to him while we walked him that we would schedule an extra few minutes when we would take him out. He would greet his friends with an enthusiastic wave of his tail and a smile of such joy that it was infectious!

So losing him, however prepared we thought we were was hard. But, as we started to make peace with his absence, we found out that our cat Loki was ill. I wish I could tell you that he ended up healthy and healed after being admitted to the Animal Hospital, and undergoing treatment for his condition. Unfortunately, he also crossed the Rainbow Bridge just a mere three months after Thor did. These big, successive losses were devastating to us and left us grief stricken, but I think even more to our sole remaining pet, our cat Runa, who was buddies with both Thor and Loki. 

In our sadness, we had to find the focus to make sure we were taking care of her emotional needs and giving her the special attention that she needed to be able to find the resilience to get through this rough patch. Being a Siberian Forest Cat, Runa is a very affectionate, intelligent, and social animal who thrives on being an active and integral part of the family. So, having another kitten for her to bond with, play with, and be a companion to was important. We also realized that we all would do well eventually with a new furry addition to our family. 

After a reasonable waiting period, we are now delighted to welcome baby Cara to our home.

The photograph above shows us introducing Runa to Cara through a glass partition. They will be learning about each other from a distance, and through a graded level of separation until they can tolerate each other’s presence with the end goal of becoming loving friends and companions. We follow the professional guidelines of how to introduce a new cat to your resident cat to the last detail With the help of those suggestions, Baby Cara, who is an energetic and enthusiastic kitten has shown an amazing ability to adapt to her new environment.
We humans are also social animals and we thrive when we are connected to others. But we are now deluged with loneliness, and disconnected from each other, which has led to the rise of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, physical illnesses, and mental illnesses.
Our souls are hurting.
We must reconnect to our vulnerability. Only then will we be able to open the glass partitions we have between ourselves and others. We are so afraid of being hurt...
Sometimes, our inability to ask for, and work towards emotional closeness with someone who we like is due to defenses we may have (they are usually unconscious) because of trauma or mental illness. In that case, the barriers we face to connecting with others must be dealt with the assistance of professionals because we are not capable of treating ourselves- just like you would not do surgery on yourself!

Vulnerability is Strength.
Vulnerability is Confidence.
Vulnerability is Sexy.
Vulnerability is Attractive.
Vulnerability is Courage.
Vulnerability is Scary.

But, Vulnerability is our Superpower!

Feeling loved, secure, hopeful, and thriving is all the end result of being open to connection.

I’ll continue to keep you posted on how Runa and Cara are moving towards each other.

In the meantime, I hope you move towards someone you have wanted to, but have hesitated.

The payoffs of pushing past the sheer terror of being vulnerable are huge- ❤️❤️❤️

Until next time, 
With a hope that you will consider being vulnerable, however much that scares you,

Saturday, April 17, 2021

I Have Stopped Going Everywhere Yet Being Nowhere


It's Sunita here.

After I was treated for the symptoms and the results of my ACEs and complex childhood trauma, my mind was available to me.

I found my inherent, and innate spiritual and emotional spaciousness.

That gave me a freedom that I had been incapable of experiencing, but unconsciously always knew that I possessed. A calmness set in and guided me towards an awareness that is often called meditation. That decreased my anxious and adaptive habit of being in many places in my mind, just to avoid the pain, aloneness, shame, darkness, and despair of my childhood.

I used to feel the urge to go to these many places just so I could escape what was going on inside my mind, brain, heart, and soul. I would feel so fragmented and distracted by this survival tactic.

With an unwavering commitment to the practice of focusing on developing an awareness of my now liberated mind, giving it an intentional direction, and having control, I am able to stay in my chosen places in a deep and meaningful way.

And when I can’t, ( which is often- the mind is not something that likes to be tamed. And our habitual patterns of thinking help it to remain elusive to us) it is looked at by me as part of the process. I just continue focusing on observing my intrusive or incidental thoughts, and eventually they pass, leaving me to come back to my meditative state.

It is from this place of peaceful solitude that I am able to Just Be.

It is from this stationary, but hugely dynamic place that I now love, experience, learn, dream, imagine, and create.

If you have suffered from ACEs, trauma, depression, anxiety, mental illness or mental injury, there is treatment for you.

If you are overwhelmed and stressed, there is a better way to live.

But the desire to be better and live as a whole you must come from deep within you.

I hope you will say YES to YOU! 

Until next time,
With my love,

*I hope you will share this article and follow my blog if it is of value to you.*

#selfloveselfcarefirst #ACEs #aces #mind #mentalhealth #davanloo #ISTDP #intensive short term dynamic therapy  #childhoodtrauma #depression #anxiety #hope #meditation #mindfulness #peace #calm #creative #poetry #poet #love #selflove #selflovejourney #self-compassion

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Be Gentle with Yourself- A Gentle Reminder to Myself


It's Sunita here.

Waking up and being grateful for the miracle of my body sometimes takes a little work. It is so easy for me to focus on all that I perceive as ‘not good’, ‘needs to be better’, ‘will be better when I ...’ instead of celebrating the fact that I am served so well and earnestly by this amazing home to my soul and mind as it is, right now.

If you fight the same battle, I encourage you to find acceptance of your body exactly the way it is right now. That is the only way I have found the love and healthy motivation to work on things that can enhance its efficiency and form.

Being grateful and gracefully accepting where we are right now does not mean that we must not strive for improvement. It is just a different mindset from wanting to change things because we cannot stand who we are right now. I discuss the way I planned to lose the Quarantine 15 last year. I have stuck to the plan I outlined in that article. 

The times when I took a break from following this plan were not occasions for me to berate myself, nor did I look at those times as failures. Rather than my old way of processing events, such occasions were seen by me as opportunities to enjoy life in a way that was free from guilt. 

Setting unachievable, unrealistic, and inflexible goals are one more way of punishing ourselves. I refuse to play that game anymore.
If I eat well, move, and sleep enough, I am happy with myself. And in my opinion, what is life without a few indulgences thrown in? Such breaks from my daily routine actually fuel me to work out with more enthusiasm the next day. 
Self Love Self Care First® flows best when it’s not another ‘chore’ in our long list of to do’s. It must be a labor of love and devotion in celebration of the miracle that we all are.

I hope you will be gentle with yourself too. 

After all, you is all you got. And you are a divine miracle!

With my love,


*If you have enjoyed this post, please do not forget to share it, and follow Thank you! *

#selfloveselfcarefirst #morning thoughts #love your body #love yourself #be gentle with you #acceptance #divine you

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Renew- Rejoice- Family


It's Sunita here.

As we all delight in the various forms of Spring celebrations around the world, and amongst many cultures, my very best to you, and whoever you call your ‘family’!

We are all feeling the burden of COVID in so many shared, and individual ways, so can use this time of season change towards more light, and hope at this moment.

But eventually, every season can bring us hope if we use our mind to help us navigate the dark times. It is our mind's eye that gives us perspective and direction in tough times.

The external world, in it’s glory does help us, as do our families. 
So let’s rejoice!

Until next time,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #refresh #family #rejoice #hope #happy Easter #spring #celebrate #passover #baisakhi #all spring celebrations #we are one #mind’seye #innerworld

*If you have enjoyed this post, please do not forget to share it with another person who may also find value in it, and do follow Thank you! *