My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Saturday, November 28, 2020

The COVID19 Pandemic Does Not Offer a Redo


It's Sunita here.

Thanksgiving was a low-key affair in my household this year. That did not dim our celebration of the healing power of gratitude in any shape or form. If anything, I felt a strong urge to express my thanks to those whom I may have taken for granted on occasion in the past. It's as if COVID19 has brought a new awareness to us. With our health and our life being on the line at all times, it has sharpened our focus on the fragility of our existence.

Uncertainty brings all kinds of unique challenges. Today things seem to be very different than before we were hit by this pandemic. But the truth is uncertainty has always been a part of our lives. We usually just ignore this hard to swallow fact. Predictability gives us a false sense of power that leads us to believe the illusion that we have control.  We no longer are afforded that luxury. COVID-19 took that illusion away from us. 

Holidays are now measured in how many friends and relatives we can invite. Masks are the norm for many, and a cause for revolt for almost an equal number of others. Staying at a safe distance (6-10 feet depending on the setting) is now considered polite. One wonders if shaking hands will ever be socially acceptable again. The burden of this pandemic's demand for our isolation and separation from others is no joke. The cost of safety procured by lockdowns and limited social contact is rising globally.

But in all the isolation and loneliness that this pandemic brings, there also lies a wonderful and unique opportunity to get to know ourselves better. If we were to carefully look at our pre-pandemic activities, we would see how we spent our time. Can you honestly say that your time was spent on people and activities that were forwarding your life mission? Were you allocating time to your soul work? Did you know what your soul work was?

All these questions require introspection. To look inwards we need time, energy and effort. The business of life is a perfect excuse for us to avoid devoting ourselves to examining our life and the direction we are taking towards actualizing our potential and purpose. Being immersed in the 'daily' stuff is no longer an excuse. This slow down pace of pandemic life has presented us with a gift. The gift of time. What are you going to do with it?

What possibilities can you dream of today? Once a successful vaccination program for COVID 19 is developed and implemented worldwide, the pandemic will be over. What will you have gained or changed in this time? 

More clarity of a vision? A plan for a better future? A rearrangement of your priorities? Closer relationships with people who matter to you? Will you pick up a new skill or hobby during the pandemic? How about some advanced training in your field of work? A fitness goal perhaps? Aren't these long winter evenings perfect for writing a book? Have you ever thought of a career change or of starting your own business?

The possibilities are endless if your focus is on what you can do-not on what you can not do right now. 

Purging and abandonment of all things, activities, and those who do not serve our life and its purpose is a difficult thing to do. But today the pandemic has forced us to live without the usual time clutters we had incorporated in our daily routines. The habitual obligations we had mistakenly thought of as essential commitments sucked up our most precious resource- our time. 

Now we have an excellent opportunity to purge the extra fat in our life. 

Time has never stopped for anyone, anything, or any event. This truth is not going to change. So, if we can, we must look at the amazing opportunity this uncomfortable, but necessary isolation and slowdown has brought to us, and take advantage of it.

We can complain all we want about not being able to have our relatives and friends over for the holidays. We can lament about the unfairness of the devastation of the virus, and what it is doing to our lives. We can speculate when it will all be over. We can do many things- but we can't ever get this time back.

So, use it wisely.  

A life of originality and authenticity is ultimately the only worthwhile measure of success. We are meant to show off an unedited version of our soul. But first we must invest the time it takes to identify our talents and gifts. Only then can we move forward to realizing them. We must say NO to all the non-essentials in our life to be able to say YES to the path of self-actualization and a life of meaning. That requires courage. And hard work. Plus a dedication of time. 

The time is now! 

Seize this opportunity to redesign your life. Emerge from this pandemic with something new. Create something unique in this challenging time. Become a better version of yourself. Dare greatly to break the boundries you have defined for yourself. Drop the people who do not sincerely care about you, or where your life is going.

The COVID 19 pandemic does not offer a redo. Live every day to its fullest and become who you were meant to be. 

The journey of a thousand miles stats with a single step.
-Lao Tzu

Show up for yourself.
I will too!

Until next time,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #covid19 #pandemic #isolation #opportunity #laotzu 
#courage #succcess #authenticself #daregreatly 


Sunday, November 8, 2020

Why we Must Acknowledge and Accept our Yearning for Love



It's Sunita here.

Accepting our yearnings without judging ourselves is a tough enough journey, but owning up to the most fundamental one we have is a monumental task. 

It can be even more terrifying if one has suffered from attachment trauma and ACE's.

However, denial of our need to be loved leads us to places that are dark and damaging. And lonely. I know that first hand.

I share a reading of this poem with you today.

"Yearning" from Stripping- My Fight to Find Me

Wishing you an abundance of love,

#selfloveselfcarefirst #yearning #poetry #poets #ISTDP #unconscious #ACE's #attachment #trauma #dynamicpsychotherapy #Davanloo #courage #love

PS-I hope you all have been coping well and have found ways to rise above the challenges of this time. I have been writing infrequently due to the additional demands of practicing at my dental and sleep practice during a pandemic. But thanks to the collective efforts of my dedicated team, I am now able to rejoin you. 

I have missed my visits with you but am glad that I stayed true to my message of Self Love Self Care First. I had to adjust and modify my routines to be able to take care of my responsibilities at work. This flexibility is a way to honor ourselves. It helps us avoid overdoing it and causing physical and mental exhaustion. That not only harms us, but all those around us. I hope you are practicing SLSCF with such flexibility. S