My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Tuesday, March 23, 2021

The Open Road Beckons You


It's Sunita here.

For the past 25 years, I have driven by this tree at least once a week. I have seen it so many times that it became invisible to me. 

Until this morning. 

The sight of it, bent and broken, wrapped around the pole, and fearlessly intertwined with the surging electric wires brought me to tears. Such an act of courage, vulnerability, and faith! 

It's as if this tree said to the pole,

I trust you will not hurt me, so I will wrap around you, and give you everything I have in this world. Even though I am now bare and naked, having lost all my leaves and supple branches to this winter, I will offer you what I have left. I love you and will not shy away from telling you that. I am all in with you.


I kept wondering why this sight had moved me so much. What did it bring to the surface of my consciousness? Why did I feel such intense emotions?

What do you see in this picture?

A wide open road that is waiting to take you anywhere you want to go? Or a dried up tree, broken and bent, wrapped around a wire surging with electricity, that can destroy it at any time?

The sun rising, and inviting you to stop dreaming, and make your dreams come true? Or a dreary day again, amongst many others in this pandemic, that have limited you from doing what you think you should have or could have done?

A famous Henry Ford quote, 

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.”

What you see in this early morning picture is a direct manifestation of your attitude. What is it going to be?

I see myself becoming someone better than I am right now by the end of this day. I see a few laughs coming my way. I see connecting with people I care about. I see perhaps meeting someone new to me. I see a few problems to be solved. I see a few surprises popping up. I see learning some new things. I see some frustrations over things I will have no control over.

But overall, I see possibilities.

I realize that I had a surge of emotions when I 'saw' the tree this morning because it reminded me that for so long, I was a broken, bent, and denuded tree that was too scared to be vulnerable, and take a chance on  life.


But now, I am like the tree that boldly wraps itself around electric poles, offering myself to fate. I am no longer limited by my fear of rejection, or failure. I boldly follow my dreams, and do everything I possibly can to turn them into realities. 

I love seeing my efforts bring me success. But I do not make that a condition of my happiness. I have learnt that to be happy is a choice. And more importantly, to be happy is not the end goal anyway. 

My victory is in getting up every time I am beaten down by my circumstances. My prize is finding the courage to get back on the open road once again. 

So I always look for the rising sun to guide me there. I am all in. Just like my friend, the inspiring tree.

I hope you will be too.

Until next time,

With my love,


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Sunday, March 21, 2021

What Should you Say to a Child Who Has Lost a Parent- Tell Them How Brave They Are.


It's Sunita here.

Losing a parent is devastating at all ages, but to a child, it is absolutely unbearable. How the grief of a child is handled by their family is a major factor in how well, and how soon they can heal. 

If it is complicated by family strife, poverty, mental illness of the surviving parent, lack of resources, and many other limiting and debilitating factors, the grief of such children can be prolonged into pathological grieving and childhood trauma (ACEs) that has lifelong effects. 

Pathological grieving is defined as grief that extends beyond an average time of 2 years before the loss becomes a bearable event. At that point we resume taking an interest in our lives in a more normal manner. 

Resilience can be developed through connection with an adult who shows genuine care and concern for a bereaved child. 

So, if you know such a family or child, don’t hesitate to offer your support. It’s always better to say something- anything- from your heart, than not to. Don't let your fear that you may say the wrong thing stop you from reaching out with your sympathy, love, and understanding. Your caring will come through, even if awkwardly expressed. 

  • Don’t second guess yourself, and just say what’s in your heart. 
  • Offer to listen to them and don't take it personally if they don't talk to you about their feelings at first. Just be patient. They will, when they are ready.
  • Spend time with them. 
  • Make them feel like they matter, and that you are there for them. 
  • Encourage them to talk about their feelings of sadness, confusion and loss. 
  • Help them look towards the future in a positive way.
  • Try your best to be consistent with your efforts and companionship.


Tell them how brave they are to feel their pain- and that they will be ok! 

I’m so glad Prince Harry is speaking out about his grief on losing his mom, and is sharing his feelings. It will be healing for him, and very helpful for the children and adults who hear his heartfelt words.

Until next time,
With my thanks to Prince Harry,
And with love for him, and for all those of us who have had this hole in our hearts,

Photograph of Prince Harry credit- BEN STANSALL / AFP/Getty Images

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Rumi's Exquisite Insight on the Apparent Duality of Love as a Self Love Self Care First Practice


It's Sunita here.

Self Love Self Care First sounds straightforward as a concept. However, there are many layers of complexity to it's practice, which can often be obscured in an attempt to simplify this powerful and empowering mantra.

"If I love myself, I love you.
If I love you, I love myself"

In this couplet, Rumi has perfectly captured love as a practice of Self Love Self Care First. Self love is the first step, and mandatory requirement to be able to develop the capacity to love another.

The practice of Self Love Self Care First at times must be all about nurturing ourselves, by excluding everyone else from our space (mental, physical, or both) with the purpose of recharging, and regrouping with, and within ourselves. 

However, because we are wired for connection as social animals, we also crave to love others, and to be loved by others. That is why there is another piece, and equally important component of love as a practice of Self Love Self Care First.  

The other component of loving, as a practice of Self Love Self Care First is of extending ourselves in an outward way to embrace others. Caring about them, and being loved by them in return boosts our wellness systems, and provides us with the connection we need to survive and thrive. 

To know which form of love as SLSCF is necessary for us at a given time, we must intimately be acquainted with ourselves. Only then we can become our own healers. We must learn to tap into what we instinctively and intimately know we need, to be our best and most joyful selves. From this mindfulness comes knowledge that helps create a place of self compassion within. It is from here that we find our innate wisdom that helps us make the choice to either retreat within, or reach out to connect.

We cannot offer love that we don't feel inside, or have within us. It's as simple as that. If we don't feel worthy enough to receive our own love, how can we ever feel good enough to allow others to shower us with their love. 

Love is madness.
Love is hallucination.
Love is warmth.
Love is exhilaration.
Love is awe.
Love is meditation.
Love is understanding.
Love is creation.
Love is passion.
Love is an endless celebration. 

-Sunita Merriman

Rumi, the mystic poet and teacher knew that love is the most powerful force in this universe. So he showed us the path to love.

"If I love myself, I love you.
If I love you, I love myself"

We enjoy the illumination and fragrance of a candle until the wax burns off and extinguishes the flame. We don't keep trying to light a candle once the wax is gone because we know that the wick cannot carry a flame without any wax. But we have no such self awareness, and keep pushing ourselves to do, and give, long after our depletion, ignoring the fact that we cannot offer to others what we don't have.


Until next time,
Wishing you the ecstasy of love,

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