How Mother's Day in the Midst of a Pandemic is An Opportunity to Give Our Children Something Timeless and Invaluable

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today's post is dedicated to our world's Front Line Mothers who are a shining example, on a daily basis, of how to live courageously, and selflessly serve humanity.Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

COVID-19 has changed our world but my advice to my daughters since I originally posted this blog on May 10, 2019 remains the same. 

There are however a few thoughts I felt the need to highlight for them this year in this re-post of that article.

If I choose to live with courage, it will take me through good times and bad.

COVID-19 had definitely challenged me but I am brave, resourceful and resilient. And that is how I am moving forward. 

With hope! 

I also feel it is very important for them to know that at times I am scared and sad. And, that is OK. 

Many times, I don't have answers when I get up. I accept that painful feeling and then, process the fear and paralysis that this uncertainty brings me by working through the problems that present themselves. I usually have a better idea of what to do by the end of the day. Or a little later.

May 10, 2019

I am grateful each and every day to have been chosen to be my daughters, Nina and Simrin's mother.

I believe my biggest job as their mother is to live my life in a manner that inspires them to be the best human beings possible.

It is my hope

- that my courage to be honest and open about my struggles will free them to live lives that are authentic and true to who they are, not to the unrealistic expectations of others.

- that my fight to overcome childhood trauma will encourage them to disallow  challenges to bully them into making a choice of leading a 'small life'.

- that my decision to publish Stripping : My Fight to Find Me , a collection of poems that journals my pain and suffering due to trauma, demonstrates to them how being open to being vulnerable led me to being  brave.

It is my deepest wish

- that their existence be not only free of suffering, but one of joy.

- to see them live lives of curiosity, their choice and in alignment with their truth

- that they not only live happy lives, but more importantly, of meaning and purpose.

- that they make a difference in this world.

The commitment that I have made to being compassionate and kind to myself,  Self Love Self Care First , is the legacy that I want to leave for them. 

Above all, I want them to experience and cherish the greatest gift of life- Love!
Because what else is there to talk about?

Wishing you all a very blessed Mother's Day!
May you be safe and healthy,
With my love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #resilience #pandemic #covid19 #resourcefulness #joy #vulnerability #trauma #healing #mother #daughters #courage #bravery #honesty #love #frontline #gratitude

5 Things you Can Do to Feel Better Today

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

We are a bag of varied, and complex emotions these days. We all may be impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic to a different degree, and in different ways, but it is impossible to remain unaffected by it's presence in our lives.

The order to 'stay home' to help limit the spread of the virus has come with a heavy price tag. But it has also brought us a rare opportunity to slow down.

Every day, the hours can be filled by continuously visiting various social media sites, and being glued to the 24/7 news about everything corona. There is no lack of opinions, forecasts and projections of what lies ahead.

"Staying informed" this way actually makes us feel helpless, sad and worried. It makes us feel like we have no control over anything that is unfolding. That is true to a large extent, but it neglects to highlight what is in our hands.

Here are 5 things you can do today to feel better.

1. Stay away from social media and opinion makers. Filling your mind with what others are doing and saying is like giving away your prime real estate to others for free. News is designed to engage and enrage you. Keep your mind calm and relaxed for you to use as you work to figure out what your future could look like, and plan what you need to do to make things happen once the 'stay home' order is lifted. 
2. Make a list of the 5-10 people who would miss you the most, and would be impacted the most severely if you were to die of COVID-19. Focus your efforts and energies on them. It will help you to have direction and control over your intentions and actions, as opposed to being stuck in a helpless OMG! What can I do mode?
3. Clean out a closet or a cupboard. Throw away, or give away stuff that you have not used in the past 24 months. Critically evaluate what you really need and simplify that area of your home.
4. Make a list of 3 things/people you are truly grateful for. Spend some time mindfully thinking about them. Let your body feel your gratitude. 
5. Make a list of 3 things you have done to help others during this pandemic. Give yourself some credit. Pat yourself humbly on the back. Feel good about yourself. Hold on to that feeling and remind yourself that you can feel this way every time you are helpful in the future. Too often we minimize our kindness to others and negatively compare our efforts to those who may be in a better position than us to help.

Just imagine how happy, in control and empowered you will feel if you repeat these 5 things regularly during the "Stay Home" period. And, if you choose to continue this practice after that order is lifted as well...

Wishing you a week of simplicity, productivity, happiness and gratitude!
Stay safe, stay well,
Love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#COVID-19#feelbetter#simplicity#gratitude#happiness#wellness

In the New World of COVID-19 We are Seeking This with a Desperate Sense of Urgency

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

There has been no let up of the tragic loss of life and devastation that COVID-19 has brought us. What's even more troubling is that we still do not have a clear picture of what life is going to look like in 1, 3, 6, 12 or more months from now. This uncertainty makes for dark times.

Dr. Devi Sridhar, chair of global public health at the University of Edinburgh in a recent article in The Guardian writes, "... there are huge gaps in what we know about this virus, including about immunity, about the possibility and timeline for a vaccine or antiviral therapy, about who exactly is vulnerable, and about long-term health implications. In this uncertainty, countries that are actively working to contain this virus and keep numbers as low as possible are buying time to build a more informed policy response while also protecting their economies and societies. Others, by letting the virus spread slowly through their populations (only flattening the curve instead of completely stopping the spread), are just gambling with people’s lives, and will be caught in cycles of lock down/release that will destroy the economy and cause social unrest, as well as increased Covid-19- and non-Covid-19-related deaths."

What can one take from all of this? Should we open up our businesses? Should we not? What is the best way to keep our families and ourselves safe? Will staying shut down and at home for another few months help, or not? How does that impact our economy? What about my job? Can we travel? How am I going to make it in the new economy that is unknown at this time? Will I need to retrain, switch jobs or even change professions? What about my mortgage/health insurance payments/car payment/utilities/kid's college tuition/school loan payment/etc., etc.? Can we afford that anymore?

There are infinite questions, but very few answers at this time. 

But there is certainty of one thing. 

There is a major change in our world, and our lives. 

We have been shaken to our core and now find ourselves totally displaced in our previously known scheme of things. Just like the roots of the uprooted tree laying transplanted in the water in the picture above...

We are responding in different ways to the fears that we all have in response to this sudden change and uncertainty. Despite our varying behaviors and responses, we are asking ourselves the same question.

What is my relevance in this unknown world? How will I fit in? 

It is terrifying to find ourselves on a make shift stage, in the middle of nowhere, without a script of any kind. Or a director. The performance we had rehearsed with a well known group of fellow actors, innumerable times, and together, presented with ease, delight and confidence is no longer on the playbill. On top of this confusion, incertitude and havoc, we are now joined on this stage by almost every other human being on this planet. That's about 7.5 billion people...

We are responding to this crisis in many ways. Usually we are having a mix of reactions and feelings at different times. They may come and go in waves. A few of them are being, and feeling

• Worried
  
• Helpful
• Overwhelmed
• Lonely
• Contemplative
• Reflective
• Energized
• Hopeless
• Useful
• Scared
• Productive
• Isolated 
• Foggy
• Depressed
• Anxious
• Helpless
• Sad

There has been a burst of posts and articles on social media in this COVID-19 pandemic time. Many of them are not only useful and helpful, but down right necessary. Information about the virus, tracking it's effect, healthcare responses, related social issues, humor, inspiration and efforts to help those who need assistance are critically important in this unprecedented time. 

But we have also seen some amplified cries for attention in social media by people who may be reeling from the gravity of the question above. Their fear of now being irrelevant may be driving them to post things just to be noticed. In that, they may be finding some form of fabricated, self satisfying relevance.

There will be no short cut to finding relevance of any kind in the new order that is emerging from the chaos and destruction of this dark and difficult time. It will demand reflection, honesty and courage to see a new path going forward.

We must stop to pause, and go to the core of who we believe we are. Those beliefs about ourselves will be the driving force of the creation of our new reality. The word I want to stress here is New. 

It is a new beginning. It is a shift of our consciousness. It is a new era. I believe this time offers us a chance to rephrase the questions we are asking ourselves. (You can learn more about the process of rephrasing in this recent Blog of mine.) It is time to see the abundant and ubiquitous opportunities to transform and transcend in this time.

I leave you with this poem of mine from "Stripping : My Fight to Find Me"

DEBRIS

The storm

Has now passed.

But it’s fury,

Has taken its toll.

The debris,

Spreads for miles on end.

The beach

Lies in shocked silence.

Home now 

To the washed-up destruction.

The inky sky,

A witness,

To this ruination.

Grief stricken,

In its stillness

I plead with the dawn,

"Can you wait in the wings,

A little bit longer,

While I make peace

With this night?"

Call off,

Relief and assistance.

Clean up and rebuild

Can wait.

For now

Just let 

The fading darkness

Hold me.

For now just let the fading darkness hold you...

Be kind to yourself in this difficult time. 

But know that you have the capability to rise, and create a new relevance of yourself in the times to come.

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#covid19#uncertainty#darkness#relevance#rephrasing#change#fear#transformation#transcendence#newbeginnings#reflection#introspection#devisridhar#TheGuardian

Why Your Post COVID-19 Pandemic Health and Wellness Must be Your Focus Today

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

It is impossible to predict what our life will look like in the years to come but one thing is certain. If we do not deal with the full gamut of emotions that have come along with the COVID pandemic and its impact on us, then we are certain to see a wave of physical and mental illnesses plague us in the future.

Let me explain.

Right now we are in the middle of coping with the immediate effects of the assault of Coronavirus. This has involved us to respond to the threat of COVID 19 to our health and our lives and taking actions that are designed to protect us.

Extreme and sudden changes in our patterns of living and movement in the world have taken a tremendous amount of energy from us. Staying home, social distancing and limited physical contact with others are measures that have been imposed on us, and for the most part, voluntarily followed by most.

Support for the front line workers in health care systems and essential businesses that are the backbone of our supply chains and economy has become the focus of citizens. Organizing events and fundraisers to collect money and resources for those in our society who have been left jobless, and without means to support their families is ongoing.

We are all looking to do something to help out in some way. Big or small, it is all important and meaningful and has been the way we have found some control over this invisible, but menacing foe.

The ability to become selfless helping heroes and creative and collaborative problem solvers is the need of the hour.
That is the only way we will find a way to survive this threat to our very existence. This is what will pull us through this dark and trying time.

But what will happen if we don't deal with the full gamut of our emotions during this period of collective trauma? What follows repression of our most painful and darkest of emotions? 

Anger, rage, worry, anxiety, helplessness, grief and sadness are the tip of the iceberg of the COVID 19 darkness. All of these emotions must not only be felt by us, but dealt by us in order for us to heal and move forward. Only then do we have a future of possibility and potential. If we put all our focus on being positive and charged up to overcome, we will neglect to sit with our  feelings of loss and grief. That is a recipe for disaster in the years to come.

Because with the fundamental understanding that the mind can affect the body's physiology, what will follow will encompass not only depression and anxiety, but actual physical illnesses and chronic conditions.

It's simple.

1. The mind and body are intimately connected.
2. Stress, trauma and repressed emotions can cause real physical symptoms.
3. Understanding this connection and educating yourself is a key component in relieving symptoms.

Their Pain is Real 

is an article in the Globe and Mail by journalist Erin Anderssen on the work of Dr. Allan Abass and his team at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada. It is an excellent introduction to learn how traumatic events in our past can lead to debilitation of both our body, and our mind. These deficits and defenses cripple us and leave us unable to live a healthy and full life.

As we charge ahead into the world of tomorrow, there are many unknowns. But there is one thing that is a fact- our health and well being will remain instrumental, and the most important resource we have in helping us navigate the task of creating a future full of success, happiness, meaning and hope. For that to happen, we must acknowledge and process the feelings that have come along with this trauma in our life.

So as a critical practice of Self Love Self Care First, we must focus on our post COVID-19 health today by feeling, dealing and healing!

Wishing you a day of reflection of your pain, loss and grief,
With love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#covid19#pandemic#mindbodyconnection#trauma#health#wellness#healing#erinanderssen#allanabbass#davanloo#ISTDP

Why You Must Be Your Own First Responder During the COVID -19 Pandemic

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Here in New Jersey where I live, like many other parts of the US, and around the world, we have been under 'Stay Home' orders since mid March, with no concrete end date in sight. The COVID-19 pandemic has taken over our lives.

We may desperately want to be the person who can become superwoman or superman in response to the Coronavirus pandemic but we cannot, if we don't take care of ourselves first. And right now there are many barriers that we all face to practicing Self Love Self Care First.

The desire to help and do something is deep and genuine. Adrenaline surges will allow us to fight by becoming larger than life, and taking actions to assist in this very trying time. This can go on for a while, but in the end it will burn us out.

The shut down and necessary modifications in our work patterns and social systems have jolted us out of our familiar rhythms. That can take us down a rabbit hole. And this meandering never leads to a good place.

Worry about our jobs, families, colleagues, staff, finances and our future weigh heavily on us. The uncertainty of how our lives will be after this pandemic can quickly become an overwhelming preoccupation of our minds. A never ending loop of ruminations can lead to mental fatigue and depression.

If we do not mindfully nourish, rest and replenish ourselves, we will crash.

Our immune systems are already on overload in response to the change and challenges of this difficult time. Physical and mental exhaustion, and stress will further deplete our health and result in decreased productivity, poor decision making, relationship problems, anxiety and even serious illness.

For trauma survivors and those who suffer from mental illness, social distancing and isolation can also open the door to past and present demons that haunt us. We must slow down and focus on our hard earned freedom from mental illness, depression, addictions and anxiety. Our work to be healthy, whole and free must remain our top priority.

So what can we do to be the superheroes we want to be right now?

How can we help during this unprecedented time in our history?

By making sure our bodies and minds are well rested, calm, serene and ready for high level performance.

For that to happen, we must take care of ourselves first. We must love ourselves to be able to care for ourselves in a loving, compassionate and kind way.

By loving ourselves first, we stock up on love and have enough to share and spread to others. Humans have always needed love, but now, the world desperately need it.

We can only love others by loving ourselves first.

" Everything needs food to live, even love. If we don't know how to nurture our love, it withers. When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That's why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness". says Thich Nhat Hanh in How to Love.

Where can you begin?

How can you love yourself. Once again, I have found Thay's answer to be one of the most clear, simple, and practical ways to understand how to start loving ourselves. It has been illuminating for me. So I share it with you.

Leonardo Da Vinci's drawing of the human body

Breathe in.

Go home to your body.

Breathe mindfully.

Your body is a wonder.

I urge you to take 15 minutes to learn how to do that by watching How Do I Love Myself. You will become your own first responder by doing what Thay teaches in this short video. And that will enable you to be a superhero for others.

Connecting deeply to yourself, and loving yourself is Step 1 of being able to be of use to someone else. I hope you will join me next time to learn some simple, but very effective ways to cultivate calm, peace, direction, energy, purpose, acceptance and most importantly, hope during this pandemic.

In the meantime, stay in, stay safe and be well!
Wishing you much self love,
Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#selflove#covid-10#pandemic#stress#anxiety#worry#overwhelmed#davinci#mindfulbreathing#howtolove#thichnahthanh#peace#calm#purpose#wellness#optimal#firstresponder

Why the COVID-19 Pandemic is a Call and Opportunity For Us to Dare to Live a Chosen Way of Life

Hello,
It's Sunita here,

As it stands this morning, COVID-19 has infected 678,113 people around the world, of whom 31,748 have died. Source Worldmeter.

We stand at the edge of a new era as we watch this pandemic unfold from the inside of our homes. Or from the battlefield that our health care facilities have become. Or perhaps as part of a declared essential service in our society.

Whatever our place is right now, we have all been affected by the appearance of COVID-19. 

The lack of data on the virus has lead to a massive amount of fear and misinformation that only exacerbates this panic. Scientists, researchers, clinicians, public health officials and leaders at every level are scrambling to stay ahead of the aggressive speed that COVID-19 moves with, wreaking havoc on human life, our medical systems every dimension of our society.

How Does the Corona Virus Behave Inside a Patient, an article by Siddhartha Mukherjee explains a lot, but more importantly, asks the intelligent questions about this pandemic that currently remain unanswered. It is this gap in information about COVID-19 that demands our drastic, but necessary response of social distancing to it.

As we all do our part to flatten the curve of the infection by isolating ourselves in our homes, severely limiting the contact we have with others and practicing social distancing, we have found something we never really had, or thought we didn't have- the luxury of time.

Free time. 

Time to think. Time to reflect. Time to review. Time to take stock. Time to create a life of design. Time to live a life of choice.

Winston Churchill said, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

Who are you going to decide to be at this unprecedented crossroad of our times? 

A pessimist or an optimist?

You must make a decision. To make that decision, you must make a choice.

As we awake, the budding trees outside our windows are heralding spring. They are unaware of the pandemic that we face, our retreat into protective sequestration, the fear, uncertainty, suffering and isolation that surrounds us. 

We can choose to look outside and see how nature understands the transience of time, and events, and reconnects us to our ephemeral existence. None of us are here for more than a flash of time. 

So why not live fully?

Let’s bring out our best in the face of fear. 

Let’s be open and vulnerable. 

Bold and kind. 

Daring, yet safe. 

Let’s Dare to mend relationships during this unexpected gift of free time. 

Let's Dare to have the courage to let go of relationships that are dead.

Let’s Dare to say ‘I Love You’ to those 

whom we have overlooked, or taken for granted. 

Let’s dare to find meaning in this pandemic. 

Let’s Dare to put all of this in perspective. 

Lets Dare to self assess and self correct.

Let's Dare to embrace possibility.

Let's Dare to live our Truth.

Let's Dare to Live a Chosen Way of Life.

Let's Dare to choose Hope. 

Let's Dare to Shine.

Wishing you a week of contemplation, reflection and hope,

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#COVID19#Coronavirus#socialdistancing#stayhome#siddharthamukherjee#newyorker#flattenthecurve#worldmeter#spring#hope#dare#courage#winstonchurchill#optimism#choice#love#shine

Why "Rephrasing" Our Self Talk is a Core Practice of Self Love Self Care First, and Why You Should Try It

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Self talk.

This is a conversation we participate in around the clock. Sometimes, we are aware of our engagement in it, and at other times, it goes on without our conscious involvement. Even during our sleep, we are constantly talking, imagining, problem solving, healing and creating.

Freud was not the first to be mystified with the role of sleep in our emotional life and what our dreams meant. The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud to this day remains a vital and important work in this field, despite being written more than 100 years ago. More recently, Rosalind Cartwright's work on sleep at the University of Chicago illuminates the connection between the REM cycle of sleep and healing.The Twenty Four Hour Mind is an excellent read on how she got into the field of sleep as a psychologist and a narrative of her role as a pioneering sleep researcher.

The content and tone of our self talk comes from a complex system of many contributing sources. Our childhood is the major contributor of this conversation. As is our inherent personality and ability to self reflect and edit what we hear.

How we grew up remains a big part of how we talk to ourselves. Did we grow up in an environment that was nurturing, caring, empowering and encouraging? Were our parents able to give us the confidence to overcome adversity? What were their response to our failures and their own?

For example, here are two different responses to a child getting a failing grade.

Parent 1- "I knew you would fail! You're stupid and lazy. You're never going to get this because you're a loser".

Parent 2- "Let's sit and look at this together. Maybe you need to understand the concepts better. And if you failed because you didn't put in the work, then this is a good opportunity to examine your study habits. I know you're smart and can do this. Better results next time. It's ok to fail at something as long as you learn something and progress from there. That's the important part."

What kind of self- talk do you think will develop in the mind of the child of Parent 1? How does it compare to that of Parent 2's child? 

Just imagine the  variations of these conversations that the children get over years of their life from their parents. As children, we mirror the feedback and responses of our parents, teachers and caregivers. We absorb the messages that they are sending us through their voice, tone, words, body language and even their unconscious ramblings. That is the foundation of our self talk.

Adverse Childhood Experiences  negatively impact the development of a healthy sense of self.

That results in the development of a pattern of negative self talk. It gives rise to, or perpetuates a history of trauma that is transgenerational in nature.

How we communicate with ourselves is a huge part of how we take action in our lives. The words we use for ourselves, and to ourselves, are indicative of the level of regard, love and compassion we have for ourselves.

Do your words reflect judgement, criticism, impatience, hatred, contempt, disregard, helplessness, hopelessness or despair?

In Trauma leads to Treason, I discuss how  "Attachment Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experience's, ACE's affect every cell in our bodies. The impact of such trauma destroys our sense of self that must be developed, nurtured, encouraged and be present in healthy amounts in order to be motivated to practice Self Love. When we are struggling with depression, anxiety and the many other mental and physical manifestations of  trauma, we are unable to develop the necessary Self Care skills. Not only are we unable to practice Self Love Self Care First, but we engage in treason against our being."

A dominant portion of that treason is in the warfare we wage against our being through how we talk to ourselves. The conversations we have inside our head in response to our experience of others and the world as it relates to us personally may go like this,

"He is ignoring me because he hates me. Of course, he does. Just like everybody else."

"I can't do this."

"I know I'm not going to get this job. I never get anything I really want."

"What's the point of exercising? We're all going to die as it is. And I never lose weight anyway."

"I trusted her with my secret, but she betrayed me. I'm such a loser."

'Rephrasing' may not be enough to change how you talk to yourself. You may need to work with a mental health professional to address core issues and effects of your trauma, but it could certainly start a process of becoming aware of what you are saying to yourself. 

For those of you who are just not conscious of your self talk, rephrasing is an excellent tool of changing how you think. It is a game changer, because your thoughts are the driver of the actions you take. Those actions add up to create the life that you live. So essentially, you control how you live by choosing your thoughts. 

How can we practice Self Love Self Care First through Self Talk?

By hearing ourselves without judgement, and then rephrasing our words in order to  compassionately move towards self improvement and growth. To be clear, the purpose here is not to shirk responsibility by deflecting our accountability. It is actually the opposite. It is about increasing our capacity to bear our deficiencies and failures in a positive way, without allowing them to define us. And then building our capacity to make up for those failures by acknowledging them, apologizing for them and making amends for them.

here's a simple example of rephrasing. You can plug in any sentence that you want and follow the process as illustrated in this photo.

Keep going. Practice this process. Follow all the steps. 

The more you practice rephrasing, the easier it becomes. Until one day, you are aware of all your self talk. And are able to rephrase it.

And one day, you will not need to practice. Rephrasing will become a habit. I can promise you that.

What I can't promise is that there will come a time when you will never doubt yourself or feel down. That's part of the human journey. But no matter how desolate or discouraged you may feel, you will always have the choice to get up and try again. That's where rephrasing becomes an essential tool of our battle against despair.

I end with an incredible illustration in recent history of rephrasing an experience.

"Think of the beauty still left around you", said Anne Frank.

I leave you with this challenge. 

Go through one entire day rephrasing every negative thought that pops up. 

I did, and earned this cool certificate. It means alot to me. Because I had to work very hard to be able to let go of the manner in which I spoke to myself. And I didn't do it alone. I had professional help. 

You can track your progress by checking out the fantastically cool stuff at Emily McDowell & Friends and getting this certificate of everyday achievement for yourself. Start small. Be consistent. Track your results. And don't forget to pause to party!

Good luck!

With my best to you,

And of course,

With love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst#rephrasing#selftalk#ACE's#trauma#selfimage#positivity#feelings#emotions#annefrank#emilymcdowell#cards#freud#rosemarycartwright#sleep#dreams#unconscious#dynamictherapy#healing#mentalhealth

Maybe Finding True Freedom and Happiness is the Wrong Pursuit- Thich Nhat Hanh Illuminates Why

What are you feeding your mind?

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Finding happiness is a concept that gets the press. We are taught and expected to find our happiness in people, things, jobs, accomplishments, hobbies, places and everything that connects us to them. Then why can we still feel empty when we find them? Why are we unhappy when we lose them?

Because these are all transitory and variable experiences. They are sources of happiness for sure, but can also generate great pain and suffering in our lives.

So then, what gives?
How can we find true freedom and happiness?

"There is no happiness without freedom, 

and freedom is not given to us by anyone; 

we have to cultivate it ourselves." 

These words of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, affectionately known as Thay (teacher) are simple, yet encompass a truth that is powerful and not arbitrary. By freedom, he means, "freedom from afflictions, from anger, and from despair."

Cultivate, verb
(2c) to improve by labor, care or study: REFINE
Source of definition.

Cultivation of true freedom is a process. There is a starting point, a method and a direction to follow. Every step leads you to greater awareness and enlightenment within your mind. That awareness flows not only to your own body and self, but to others around you.

You make the choice of living free.

And in that choice, you control how happy you want to be.

Finding happiness is another name for a Sisyphean task of finding an illusion. It is a wild goose chase with many disappointments and suffering along the way. And it can take a lifetime to figure that out.

Just think back of a relationship that you were convinced was going to bring you happiness. It could be with anyone in your life. A parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a mentor, a religious leader? Let's take a spouse or partner as an example. With about 50% of partnerships ending in a divorce, how can that relationship be the model of the path to find happiness. Even the 50% of couples that stay together will tell you that freedom and happiness are not always the words they would use to describe their relationship all the time.

True freedom cannot come from any external source. You are the only one who can cultivate your freedom. 

Our history has shown us again and again how tides of good fortune for an individual, country, group of society, and even entire mankind can change in a split second. So what can one do to be free, despite one's circumstances and place in life?

"Freedom is what we practice every day" says Thay. He believes that everyone has the ability to cultivate freedom and true happiness, but it grows only when we practice mindfulness. To avoid being a victim of anger, despair and affliction, we must not feed them.

"...Without mindfulness in our daily lives, we feed our anger and despair by looking and listening to things around us that are highly toxic. We consume many toxins each day; what we see on television or read in magazines can nourish our anger and despair. But if we breathe in and out mindfully and realize that these are not the kinds of things we want to consume, then we will stop consuming them. To live mindfully means to stop ingesting these kinds of poisons. Instead, choose to be in touch with what is wonderful, refreshing, and healing within you and around you"

I challenge you to ask yourself these 3 questions today.

1. What are my motivations and reasons for wanting to be free and happy? (hint-what's my discomfort/pain?)
2. What poisons am I ingesting that are stopping me from cultivating true freedom? (hint-what am I doing/watching/reading/etc. to feed my anger, afflictions and despair?)
3. What poison am I willing to stop ingesting to start to cultivate true freedom? (hint- what am I going to choose to do to take control of my life in a concrete way?)

Be Free Where You Are by Thich Nhat Hanh is a small, but solid companion

book full of profound wisdom, delivered in an easily understandable, encouraging and simple way. It will help make the process of finding your freedom a joyful one. You will feel Thay's encouraging presence every step of the way.

Wishing you freedom, lasting happiness and a joyful journey,
Love,
Sunita
#selfloveselfcarefirst#thichnhathanh#freedom#mindfulness#meditation#happiness#mind#befreewhereyouare