We may be Broken, But we are Not Victims

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

As the pandemic settles down among us, with an expressed intent to stay for a while longer than most of us thought, we are acutely feeling the temporariness of our circumstances.

The daily mechanics of living have suddenly been stripped down to the basics, if not, bare bones. Our friendships and relationships have had a downsizing as well as we now seek genuine comfort from those who truly care for us. Spending time with others, just because there is an abundance of opportunity to mingle, is no longer the case. So who will you turn to under such circumstances? Who do you want to be there for? The answers to these two questions give you the names of the people who you would call in the middle of the night if you had an emergency. And for whom you would rush out to help, at a moments notice.

The reality of how deep and far the tentacles of the coronavirus have embedded themselves in our bodies and minds, not to mention our global economy, is just now settling in. There are different levels of distress that we are all feeling. Denying our rage, grief and suffering as a result of the limitations and burdens that this pandemic has brought to our existence is just another way to increase our pain. So we must deal with the feelings of loss, and the anxiety of uncertainty. However, it must be accompanied by what this epic time in our history brings to us.

We now have an opportunity to take control of our lives. 

Deep within humanity lies our liberation. Only when we find the strength inside ourselves will we we able to locate the path going forward. Only in the struggles brought by our biggest challenges, do we find our truth. And once we are connected to the divine within us, we can experience a great transformation.

This is a time for transformation. 

Both individually, and universally. But we must stop and examine our lives. How much space does victimhood, hatred, delusion, desire, and just plain absence from it occupy? What can we do to bring more compassion, mindfulness, empowerment and wisdom into our life? 

Both for ourselves, and for others.

Only facing the darkness led me to the light. 

As a survivor of attachment and childhood trauma, I needed to make a choice of looking at the unbearably painful truths of my life in order to heal and live free. I talk about how I was able to successfully do that, and what I learnt from that perilous journey in this Interview with TMS Roundtable Global

That is what I believe everyone must do in this time of darkness if they want to find guidance, wisdom, purpose and joy out of this difficult time. Stare down the darkness! 

We must look within, examine who we are, and get to know ourselves intimately. Only in and from that place do we leave suffering behind, and begin to be of service to humanity.

At this time, I have made a choice to continue as a health care provider in the post COVID19 era as a part of my service to others. I am also working with my publisher on my second book-a collection of poetry titled, "Permission : For Me to Fall in Love" and I continue to write poetry that will be in my third collection. That book is called, "Freedom- For Me to Just Be."  

I will, through the gift of words, humbly offer others a Trilogy of Awakening.

Stripping : My Fight to Find Me

Permission : For Me to Fall in Love

Freedom : For Me to Just Be

Everything that I am choosing to do right now is with the intention of being of service to others. I continue to examine how I can reduce my own suffering, and then help others do the same. That requires for me to be still, in the midst of a very a demanding outside life, and in addition to that, the time and energy to be able to continue to listen to my intuition, and create a new consciousness through my poetry.

So, in consideration of my desire and intention to bring you meaningful content in a Self Love Self Care First manner, moving forward, I will write articles only every few weeks, instead of every week, so I can allow myself to focus on my own self care, and dedicate myself to the steps of examination, and comprehension, more than the act of sharing.

Lead with Intention

 Examination

Comprehension

Clarity

Insight

Generously Share

There is much beauty in us all. 

I hope you will be gentle with yourselves as you make the choices that you must, in order to find a way past this trying and troubling time, and move towards transformation, and evolution to becoming a higher being. The pandemic has come to us with abundant gifts for the future, but we must stop, and be still to receive them. 

I will be rejoining you every few weeks to share mine.

As I've said before, I'm not looking for a new normal.

Only a transformation will do.

Wishing you much love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #intention #examination #clarity #covid19 #selflove #selfcare #poetry #poems #awakening #compassion #transformation #stripping #permission #freedom #love #fallinlove #justbe #dentistry #childhoodtrauma #attachmenttrauma #ACEs #Davanloo #ISTDP #dynamicpsychotherapy #TMSglobal

Rollo May Offers a Way Out of this Pandemic, And the Anxiety of Nothingness.

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

It was the end of another day at work. After 2 weeks of this, I felt I should have had things down pat. But I was utterly exhausted. I felt like I needed to shut down my brain to stop thinking. Carrying this physical and mental exhaustion with me, I got into the shower to scrub down, dry myself, change and get back home. This was one of the many new routines I was getting used to. The drive home has become a time to just be "empty". I feel that's the only way I can re enter myself. Most evenings are spent resting, and then mentally going over how the next day can run soother and easier.

You see, my dental and sleep practice was closed in mid March this year and did not reopen until the end of June. The practice I left is not what my team and I have come back to. COVID-19 has changed everything we do to treat a patient. There is not a single process or procedure that now does not take 2-3 times the time, and effort to do. It has been an engagement of entirely rethinking my responsibility to keep my staff, patients, and myself, safe. The new way of practicing is more costly, more time consuming and extremely tedious. Not to mention, tiresome. And that's not including the worries of how all this is going to work viably in the long term. No one can see the future right now. 

But here's the other side of the truth. 

I have never, in my entire 25 years of practicing felt this good about being a health care professional. There is such a charge that goes through me every time I see or hear my patients respond to my "pandemic practice". They are comforted, grateful for our changes, and comfortable in our space. Their expressions of thanks deeply touch me. Being able to provide to them the care they need in very trying times, when their health is a critical component of their survival, is now a source of a deeper satisfaction than before, and is linked to a greater purpose in my life. Which is to be of service.

Every day I get to see the pride with which my team brings their "new" best to our community. There is a deeper sense of purpose to our showing up for work. Despite the constant efforts we must make to get our brains and bodies used to the new routines, we are undaunted in our determination to master them. Now, instead of going about the day as co-workers or colleagues, we have taken ownership of being each others life savers. I'm not being dramatic here. According to the World Economic Forum, dentistry is one of the highest risk professions out there when it comes to COVID-19 risks.  We each know how important the job we do is in making sure we keep each other protected and safe from COVID-19. 

So what gives? How is this intense and electrifying satisfaction possible in the face of all the challenges we face? How do we show up every day, not knowing what lies ahead?

I think I have found the answer to that.

It is because we have responded to the challenge of this pandemic with the courage to create a new future. 

Rollo May, known as the father of existential psychotherapy in his book, "Courage to Create" shares what he understands as the choice we must make to create.

"A choice confronts us. Shall we, as we feel our foundations shaking, withdraw in anxiety and panic? Frightened by the loss of our familiar mooring places, shall we become paralyzed and cover our inaction with apathy? If we do those things, we will have surrendered our chance to participate in the forming of the future. We will have forfeited the distinctive characteristic of human beings- namely, to influence our evolution through our own awareness. We will have capitulated to the blind juggernaut of history and lost the chance to mold the future into a society more equitable and humane."

I now clearly see that I want to participate in the forming of the future. At whatever cost it may demand from me. That is the deal that I have signed on to. So no matter how exhausting it may be at the end of my day, I get up and show up the next day. I don't imagine it will become easy any time soon, but bit by bit, I will have created a new beginning for myself, and I hope for others.

I may be scared and anxious about not being able to see what lies ahead, but I refuse to sit and dwell in what was. That will not bring me to the path to the future. So, I find myself propelled to take action to create the future. 

Rollo May poses the key question that we must ask ourselves today, as we all face uncertainty, and a serious lack of precedent, "Shall we seize the courage necessary to preserve our sensitivity, awareness and responsibility in the face of radical change? Shall we consciously participate, on however small the scale, in the forming of the new society?"

Not everyone will have the kind of challenges presented to me, being a health care provider of a high risk COVID-19 occupation. But everyone has the opportunity to choose to participate in the creation of the future. All our contributions will carry weight and will have a accumulative impact on humanity, because they will come from a common place of courage.

I leave you with this call to action. If you are struggling with what to do, feeling stuck and scared, and anxious about the future, I sincerely hope you will consider it.

"We are called upon to do something new, to confront a no man's land, to push into a forest where there are no well-worn paths and from which no one has returned to guide us. This is what existentialists call the anxiety of nothingness. To live into the future means to leap into the unknown, and this requires a degree of courage for which there is no immediate precedent...", 

                                                                                                                  - Rollo May

Wishing you a week of courage.

The courage to tap into the warrior in you,

The courage to create a new future for us!

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #RolloMay #existentialism #courage #COVID19 #dentistry #rethinking #reopening #pandemic #worldeconomicforum #highriskoccupation #anxiety #opportunity #create #couragetocreate #lead #future #change

Love

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

"Love destroys death and makes it empty: it gives meaning to senseless things; from unhappiness; love makes real happiness."

                                               - From A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy

Wishing you a week of love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #love #leotolstoy

How a Nightcap is Robbing You of What You Really Need to Survive and Thrive During COVID-19 and Beyond

Hello,

It's Sunita here.

If you have walked over to your liquor cabinet and poured yourself a nightcap during this pandemic, consumer reports suggest you are not alone. 

"U.S. sales of alcoholic beverages rose 55% in the week ending March 21, according to market research firm Nielsen. Spirits like tequila, gin and pre-mixed cocktails led the way, with sales jumping 75% compared to the same period last year. Wine sales were up 66% while beer sales rose 42%. And online sales far outpaced in-store sales. Nielsen said online alcohol sales were up 243%. Danelle Kosmal, a Nielsen vice president, suspects growth rates peaked that week as people loaded up their pantries before state stay-at-home orders went into effect." Source- Marketwatch

The negative effects of alcohol on our health, decision making and behaviors is of grave concern during any time, but especially so during a pandemic when stresses are more than any other time we have experienced. The COVID-19  pandemic is affecting every family in our country, and will likely have a yet unknown, and in many cases, a reasonably projected long lasting impact on our health and well being.

It is not unusual for us to turn to alcohol in times of stress, thinking it will help us feel relaxed, and take the edge off our worries and anxiety. 

But the exact opposite happens. 

And it may be the beginning of a vicious cycle that drags us down the dangerous path of decline, and possible addiction.

To be able to fight, and overcome the stressors of the COVID19 pandemic, it is critical that we maintain optimal physical, emotional and mental health. We must be focused, and have the clarity necessary to ably make short-term and long- term decisions with perspective. For that we need 7-8 hours of restorative sleep. Excessive, or even small amounts of alcohol in many cases will not allow us to get that. Drinking before bedtime is especially detrimental to our sleep. 

We need 7-8 hours of restful and restorative sleep to function optimally, so a nightcap is not helping us survive, or thrive during a pandemic that has unleashed stress, worries about our futures, and major disruptions in our personal, social and professional lives.

You may believe that a nightcap helps you sleep more soundly. Untrue! Let me explain how.

1- Alcohol is a sedative. 

You may ask why you feel enlivened after drinking alcohol if it is a sedative. Well, the first part of the brain that is immobilized by alcohol is our prefrontal cortex. That is the part of the brain that helps control our impulses and restrains our body. So after drinking an alcoholic beverage, we initially feel like we have "loosened up" and are more relaxed. We may even feel elated, excited and energized. But this gaiety changes into sluggishness as other parts of our brain start to feel the sedative effects of alcohol.

We give up a state of consciousness more readily and slip into a state of sedation. This not the same as sleep. If you were to see the electrical brainwave state of your brain in this period, it would look very different from when you experience natural sleep.

2- Alcohol before bedtime fragments your sleep. 

It is causes mini awakenings all night long which are not remembered by us, but negatively impact the nature of natural sleep, causing it to be non restorative. The next day becomes exhausting.

3- Alcohol is one of the most powerful suppresants of REM sleep. 

Our REM sleep aids us in memory integration and association, the type of information processing required for developing grammatical rules in new language learning, in synthesizing sets of related facts into an interconnected whole. 

It takes our liver and kidneys many hours to degrade and excrete the alcohol consumed before we sleep. Nightly alcohol will disrupt your sleep. More specifically, any alcohol consumption after noon-2 pm will disrupt your sleep.

In addition to the many physical and mental harmful effects it has on us, fragmented sleep and deprivation disruption of REM sleep will result in exhaustion and poor decision making the next day. 

Poor decisions most likely will include having a nightcap the next night, and then every night. You get the picture. It is a cascading problem that robs us of our ability to manage our stress and survive the pandemic. 

In case you need assistance with alcohol addiction, and/or want more information about Alcohol and Covid-19, please explore this link alcohol and COVID19. Any history of trauma, mental injury, mental illness, depression, anxiety,etc. may put you at a higher risk/susceptibility to alcohol abuse during this stressful time. Do not wait to seek help. If you are suffering from sleep deprivation, insomnia, daytime fatigue/sleepiness, snoring, see your PCP or a sleep specialist immediately. You may have an undiagnosed sleep disorder.

While in quarantine, consider a yellow balloon approach to life. Abstinence is the best, and most predictable way to get a good nights sleep.

 Learn more about the "yellow balloon".

Get enough natural sleep. Wake up refreshed. See your problems with a fresh perspective, think creatively, and overcome being stuck. Get to work. Surviving COVID-19 is not the goal. Thriving beyond it is!

Wishing you a week of great sleep and wise decisions,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #selflove #selfcare #sleep #alcohol #nightcap #sleepfragmentation #REM #sleepdeprivation #addiction #COVID19 #stress #survive #thrive #decisionmaking #wellness #mentalhealth #trauma #sleepapnea #insomnia

 

Losing The Quarantine 15 is Now a Self Love Self Care First Top Priority

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

How are you all doing?

It's now been over 3 months since COVID19 took over our lives. From the initial shock, horror and disbelief, we have gone through different stages of emotional reactions to the pandemic, and how it is impacting us. These reactions and responses have had physical consequences. One of which, for many of us, has been weight gain.

There are many compelling, and valid reasons for this weight gain. The stress of work pattern changes and employment loss, closure of gyms, stocking and consumption of high calorie/low nutritional value non perishable foods, home schooling and being confined to our homes almost 24/7 has taken a toll on our waistlines as well as our mental health.

Having the opportunity to have an afternoon cocktail (or two), and turning to alcohol for stress and boredom relief (alcohol actually doesn't help for that purpose. It is a depressant, and disrupts our sleep pattern, so we end up being more depressed and making poor choices, which makes matters worse) has added pounds to our frames.

Lastly, because we have had more time at home, we have baked our hearts out. Sweets taste good, and baking is a soothing activity that has a calming effect. So it's no surprise that we huddled in our kitchens and instinctively channeled Betty Crocker in the first couple of months of this pandemic.

We are seeing and feeling the consequences of all this now. Jokes are flying all over the internet about the COVID 15.

But Quarantine weight gain is not a joke.

It's time. It's high time now. It's time for Self Love Self Care First to kick in and take over. Someone recently asked me what my favorite act of self care was. I told her, it depends.Well, today I say, it's getting back to a healthy weight.

We will talk about what we can do to achieve that goal in the coming weeks, but here are 3 things that I have committed to this week.

#1- Being kind to myself and looking at my weight gain through the prism of self love, self compassion, and understanding only. There is no place for harsh criticism of myself. It was, and remains a trying time. Coping with the realities of a deadly pandemic have been truly challenging. Many of my unavoidable short term coping methods resulted in my weight gain.

#2 - Being accountable for the choices I am making. It is my responsibility to maximize my well being. In order to make the best decisions I am capable of, I must work towards a calm mind. That is the state from which all healthy choices and decisions are made. So I have committed to limiting, and being extremely selective of what I read, listen to and allow into my brain and mind. I want the superhighway of my brain to be uncongested so I may access my highest thoughts in order to make the most self loving and healthy decisons for myself.

#3- Pause before making a food choice, so I am mindful of all that I eat and drink. Instead of making a plan of eliminating, or increasing the intake of certain foods and beverages, I have committed to stopping and pausing to think before I eat or drink. I already know what I need to do but want to rewire my brain to be more mindful when I am chosing how to nurture and nourish my body. Once this pause comes into play before I reach out to grab something from the fridge, I am confident that I will automatically draw from my vast knowledge base of nutrition, and make a healthy choice for myself.

I have learnt that to make lasting changes, I have to change my mindset. 

As a survivor of mental injuries due to attachment and complex childhood trauma, approaching a goal from a place of affirmation and self love has made all the difference in my life. Keeping a healthy balance between honest self examination, and self compassion helps me avoid making excuses for myself, and spiral into negativity and self condemnation. There is no need for judgement. 

What I need is understanding. I'm looking to be accountable, not abuse myself.
Negative feelings and distorted beliefs about myself do not motivate me to do better. They have historically done the opposite by fuelling my self doubts, allowing my tendencies for self sabotage to emerge, and permitting my unconscious desire to punish myself to take over. But no longer does this occur. The work done in effective therapy (Davanloo's ISTDP) took care of healing my brain, and helped me move past this damaged state by creating lasting changes in me.

I hope this honest sharing on my part about my COVID 15, and how I plan to go about losing it through Self Love Self Care First is helpful to you. I'd love to hear about your COVID 15 if you have it, and what you are doing to combat it.

We all deserve to live our best lives. Let's work towards that with kindness to ourselves. We will do much better, and go much farther that way!

With my very best of luck to you with your COVID15 loss,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #selflove #selfcare #COVID15 #quarantineweightgain #COVID19 #pandemic #stresseating #stressbaking #alcohol #stressdrinking #mindful #selfcompassion #pause #uncertainty #accountability #choices #wellbeing #healthy #trauma #childhoodtrauma #attachment #attachmenttrauma #healing #HabibDavanloo #ISTDP #reachingthroughresistance

"The Only Thing Worthy of You is Compassion"- A Reminder and "Recommendation" from Thich Nhat Hanh in These Troubled Times

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

  We are travelling in times of great difficulty and pain. I once again, turn to poetry for comfort and guidance. Since there is so much original content out there right now by incredibly talented and compassionate people, I feel there is no need for me to add to it.

So, instead today, I share with you a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh that takes me to a place of mercy as I try to move away from anger, frustration and feelings of helplessness in the face of the gigantic problems we face in our world.

Recommendation

Promise me,

promise me this day,

promise now,

while the sun is overhead

exactly at the zenith,

promise me:

Even as they

strike you down

with a mountain of hatred and violence:

even as they step on you and crush you

remember brother, remember.

man is not our enemy.

The only thing worthy of you is compassion-

invincible, limitless, unconditional.

Hatred will never let you face

the beast in man.

One day, when you face this beast alone with your courage intact, your eyes kind,

untroubled

(even as no one sees them),

out of your smile

will bloom a flower.

And those who love you

will behold you

across ten thousand worlds of birth and dying.

Alone again,

I will go on with bent head,

knowing that love has become eternal.

On the long, rough road

the sun and moon will continue to shine.

Wishing you a week full of invincible, limitless and unconditional compassion,

Love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #poetry #thichnhathanh #thay #recommendation #alone again #compassion #love #mercy #courage #selflove #selfcare #mindfulness #meditation #eternal #smile

Photograph credit- "Thay Walking" by Paul Davis

How our Work Space Can Heal, Boost Productivity, Inspire Creativity and Bring us Hope

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

I’m a big believer of making our work spaces our sanctuaries. It’s a supreme act of self love self care first. But I never realized how much this is truly not a luxury in our lives, but a necessity, until recently.

The pandemic has impacted every aspect of our life. But in particular, it has wreaked havoc with our work lives. My own professional life has been turned upside down since I was mandated by our State Governor to close my dental practice and sleep center in mid March. Practicing dentistry will never be the same again, and getting ready to reopen in a few weeks has taken every ounce of my energy and thinking power. Contemplating the complex and ever evolving protocols that need to be put into place to make my office COVID 19 safe for my team, patients and myself took a toll on me that I had never felt before.

I would be tackling tasks with enthusiasm and energy for a couple of hours, making headway, and feeling very optimistic when suddenly I would hit a wall. Not just any wall, but a brick wall of great density. There would be no going around, or through this wall. I would feel unusually exhausted and depleted and become unable to put two simple, coherent sentences together. Nothing but stopping and taking a long break would help me. It would be hours before I would feel capable of mentally and physically regrouping. It seemed like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, or as if I was treading water.

Of course, in hindsight, I see I was dealing with, and adjusting to the unknowns and uncertainty of COVID19 early on in my experience of the pandemic. My fatigue after short periods of work was disproportionate to the amount of efforts I was putting in. I quickly realized that I was going to need to find a way out of the sticky molasses that I would descend into with regularity.

I focused on the usual suspects. Doubling down on good nutrition, getting adequate sleep and aerobic exercise, minimizing time spent watching the news or scrolling on social media, and making sure I stayed connected with my loved ones was a big help. But as I started to spend more time at work, I found a new ally.

My work space!

Sometimes we can't see what is right in front of us. We focus on everything but the obvious. I realized that even though I had no control over the virus, or what was required to be done at work, I had absolute control over the space I was working in.  So I made some strategic additions and subtractions to it based on how I wanted to feel, and it became a totally different experience.

These changes were not expensive and did not require much effort. But they were strategic and targeted with the goal of getting more done in my day with less mental, emotional and physical wear. I went even further and determined that I wanted to enjoy my day and feel confident, excited and powerful about reopening my office, and life in general. I share with you what I did to accomplish my goals.

The 3 things you can amplify in your space to heal, boost productivity, inspire creativity and bring you hope.

1) Beauty
Beauty has a healing role in our lives. It softens the harshness of our existence and reminds us of what is possible. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what works for me may not excite you. But the important thing is to bring into your personal space what ignites your aesthetic senses. It will tend to you in your weary moments and be a balm to salve your worried mind. Don't just stop at your visual sense. Play the music that soothes your soul. Bring in scents that calm and relax you. They all work in unison to  uplift you and bring you joy. That results in higher engagement and productivity in your work.

Schedule non negotiable Beauty Breaks every few hours of your day.

2) Efficiency and Ergonomics

Revamping a work space in order to maximize it's efficiency to effortlessly guide you in moments of fatigue and mental blurriness is the key to getting things done without "losing it." Your space's personality may have to stop veering on the "shabby chic" side but assume more of a military precision to serve you during the pandemic. So investing a few hours, a day or few days to rearrange your folders, writing materials, research sources and anything else that you now need to communicate,, into a system that would work for you is worth it. 

Make your systems in your space work for you seamlessly, and at all times.

3) Inspiration

Place reminders around you of life, in it's highest form. Invite these messages to inspire you when you get dejected, tired and discouraged. Quotes, sayings, photographs, books, mementos and treasured things can all do the same thing to our psyche. They make us believe in our strength and resilience. Display tokens of past successes so you can remember how you have persevered and fought adversity before to emerge triumphant. Pictures of your family will motivate you to find ways to overcome obstacles and create new paths to a happy and productive future life. Allow yourself to see things that are yet to come. 

Dream. Imagine. Believe.

It will not be what we cross off from our check lists at work that will bring us success in overcoming the adversity and challenges of the COVID 19 pandemic.We must fundamentally change the way we are used to thinking in order to come out on the top. Change is never easy and it poses even more stress on our bodies and minds in times of uncertainty and loss. 

So how can we move forward to not only survive, but thrive? 

By taking one step at a time.

By taking it one day at a time.

By seeking beauty, demanding efficiency and finding inspiration every day. 

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."

-Henry David Thoreau

As I now work towards reopening my practice, and emerging from the darkness of COVID19, I am not looking for a "New Normal".

Only a Transformation will do!

I hope you feel the same way.

Wishing you a week of beauty, inspiration and hope,

With my love,

Sunita

#selfloveselfcarefirst #selfcare #selflove #workspace #office #space #COVID19 #beauty #efficiency #ergonomics #inspiration #hope #henrydavidthoreau #resilience #overcome #mindfulness #transformation #peonies #flowers #joy #rewinedcandles #fragrance #senses 

A Necessary Act of Self Love Self Care First

Hello,
It's Sunita here.

Let's visit next week.

Love,
Sunita
#selfloveselfcarefirst