My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Sunday, June 28, 2020

Losing The Quarantine 15 is Now a Self Love Self Care First Top Priority

It's Sunita here.

How are you all doing?

It's now been over 3 months since COVID19 took over our lives. From the initial shock, horror and disbelief, we have gone through different stages of emotional reactions to the pandemic, and how it is impacting us. These reactions and responses have had physical consequences. One of which, for many of us, has been weight gain.

There are many compelling, and valid reasons for this weight gain. The stress of work pattern changes and employment loss, closure of gyms, stocking and consumption of high calorie/low nutritional value non perishable foods, home schooling and being confined to our homes almost 24/7 has taken a toll on our waistlines as well as our mental health.

Having the opportunity to have an afternoon cocktail (or two), and turning to alcohol for stress and boredom relief (alcohol actually doesn't help for that purpose. It is a depressant, and disrupts our sleep pattern, so we end up being more depressed and making poor choices, which makes matters worse) has added pounds to our frames.

Lastly, because we have had more time at home, we have baked our hearts out. Sweets taste good, and baking is a soothing activity that has a calming effect. So it's no surprise that we huddled in our kitchens and instinctively channeled Betty Crocker in the first couple of months of this pandemic.

We are seeing and feeling the consequences of all this now. Jokes are flying all over the internet about the COVID 15.

But Quarantine weight gain is not a joke.

It's time. It's high time now. It's time for Self Love Self Care First to kick in and take over. Someone recently asked me what my favorite act of self care was. I told her, it depends.Well, today I say, it's getting back to a healthy weight.

We will talk about what we can do to achieve that goal in the coming weeks, but here are 3 things that I have committed to this week.

#1Being kind to myself and looking at my weight gain through the prism of self love, self compassion, and understanding only. There is no place for harsh criticism of myself. It was, and remains a trying time. Coping with the realities of a deadly pandemic have been truly challenging. Many of my unavoidable short term coping methods resulted in my weight gain.

#2 - Being accountable for the choices I am making. It is my responsibility to maximize my well being. In order to make the best decisions I am capable of, I must work towards a calm mind. That is the state from which all healthy choices and decisions are made. So I have committed to limiting, and being extremely selective of what I read, listen to and allow into my brain and mind. I want the superhighway of my brain to be uncongested so I may access my highest thoughts in order to make the most self loving and healthy decisons for myself.

#3- Pause before making a food choice, so I am mindful of all that I eat and drink. Instead of making a plan of eliminating, or increasing the intake of certain foods and beverages, I have committed to stopping and pausing to think before I eat or drink. I already know what I need to do but want to rewire my brain to be more mindful when I am chosing how to nurture and nourish my body. Once this pause comes into play before I reach out to grab something from the fridge, I am confident that I will automatically draw from my vast knowledge base of nutrition, and make a healthy choice for myself.

I have learnt that to make lasting changes, I have to change my mindset. 

As a survivor of mental injuries due to attachment and complex childhood trauma, approaching a goal from a place of affirmation and self love has made all the difference in my life. Keeping a healthy balance between honest self examination, and self compassion helps me avoid making excuses for myself, and spiral into negativity and self condemnation. There is no need for judgement. 

What I need is understanding. I'm looking to be accountable, not abuse myself.
Negative feelings and distorted beliefs about myself do not motivate me to do better. They have historically done the opposite by fuelling my self doubts, allowing my tendencies for self sabotage to emerge, and permitting my unconscious desire to punish myself to take over. But no longer does this occur. The work done in effective therapy (Davanloo's ISTDP) took care of healing my brain, and helped me move past this damaged state by creating lasting changes in me.

I hope this honest sharing on my part about my COVID 15, and how I plan to go about losing it through Self Love Self Care First is helpful to you. I'd love to hear about your COVID 15 if you have it, and what you are doing to combat it.

We all deserve to live our best lives. Let's work towards that with kindness to ourselves. We will do much better, and go much farther that way!

With my very best of luck to you with your COVID15 loss,

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