My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Friday, October 18, 2019

Use Mindfulness to Prioritize, Plan and Practice Self Love Self Care First- Nicholas Galanin's White Noise, American Prayer Rug Inspires

It's Sunita here.

Nicholas Galanin's White Noise, American Prayer Rug is a piece of art that has
recently been instrumental in advancing the conversation about many long standing social injustices. It had hung in the Whitney Museum as part of their Biennial Exhibition until he decided to pull his work out of the collection being shown. He explains his reasons for participating and subsequently withdrawing 'White Noise, American Prayer Rug' with great clarity and eloquence in ARTnews.

Nicholas talks about many serious issues in this piece, that I believe, deserve careful consideration, and thoughtful reflection from all of us. However, today I want to focus on these words of his about 'White Noise, The American Prayer Rug' because they connect us to the distance we face between our lives, and ourselves. This distance creates awareness barriers to practicing Self Love Self Care First. The lack of SLSCF further creates a disconnect inside us, leading to great physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain.

" This is the American prayer rug, a reflection of an image accompanying a droning sound to distract us from our own suffering from love, from land, from water, from connection; there is no space for prayer, only noise."

If you are looking to reconnect with your true self and take care of him/her, start with these simple questions.

What sounds are droning out your voice?
If it's the voices of others- Who?
If they infiltrate your mind and your decisions- Why?
How do you spend your time?
Do you believe you have control over your time or do you just go along with whatever is demanding your attention at a given moment?
Do you plan your day?
What gets you stressed out or causes you pain and suffering?
Is there are recurring pattern of cause and effect that you have noticed when it comes to your emotions?

Becoming Aware of your inner world or Mindfulness is the first step of practicing Self Love Self Care First. For that you have to shut out the White Noise in your life to be able to listen to yourself.
Determining your needs is the second step.
Prioritizing your needs is the third step.
Planning to take care of your needs is the fourth step.
Doing what you planned to do is the final step. (This is usually the hardest step, because if you have any deep seated resistances to loving yourself, they will come up in full force here to sabotage your efforts to take care of yourself. Help from a mental health professional may be warranted to reach those resistances and work through them.)

When you repeat this sequence with consistency, Self Love Self Care First becomes a practice. Your brain now recognizes the pathways you have developed, as you repeatedly act with self compassion and self love, doing things that light up your brain's pleasure zones. A calmness and confidence comes about that is from within.

This week, a friend of mine takes the prize for being 'Most Prepared for Self Love Self Care First'. Here's how she snagged that award.

She shared with me that she suspected that she might be pregnant. She intuitively felt it, this being her second time around. She is a very self aware person and admits to even possibly be being 'border line neurotic' about just about everything. Her body and her mind are part of that 'everything'. Even though she was not yet sure if she was pregnant, she told me that she had already mapped out what she would do differently because of what she experienced when she gave birth to her daughter, who is now 4 1/2 years old.

She shared with me that when she had her daughter, it had been a very difficult postpartum period, filled with loneliness, self doubt, anxiety and depression. The only thing that ended up helping her, much to her amazement, was joining a local breast feeding support group. She felt connected to the other mothers and started to feel less alone. She remembers 'dragging' her tiny baby with her to all the meetings because she would feel better every time she went.

So my friend now, based on her previous experience, has a plan for her possible second pregnancy. Here it is

- 'Reach Out' proactively, all through the pregnancy and after because I felt better when I feel connected to others.
- Cut down on work commitments and continuously re-frame my expectations of myself based on what I truly value and enjoy most (Despite being, and identifying herself as a driven, ambitious, successful, engaged and very bright professional, she discovered that motherhood, spending time with her daughter and her husband and seeing her daughter grow into a spectacular little person was what gave her true joy)
- Feel more and Do less

I think she hit all the points of how to practice SLSCF that I listed above. And knowing how determined and self aware she is, I have no doubt that when the time comes, she will execute her plan of SelfLoveSelfCareFirst flawlessly.

I hope you do the same for yourself.
Because you are worth it!

Until next time,
Be well Do well Live well!
With love,


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