It's Sunita here.
CRAZY HUNGRY LOVE
You're damn good.
I'll give you that.
I thought you knew me
Better than I knew myself,
I let you paint my portrait
In all the strokes and colors
Only to have a lost woman
Stare wildly back at me.
I didn't know any better.
I was hungry for love.
I was lonesome,
You had me believing
That I was the crazy one.
You can read the rest of my poem in my book Stripping : My Fight to Find Me
How many of us allow others, and may even invite them to tell us who we are. The problem with that is that they get to choose which filter they will use to assign us an identity.
When we are in a relationship that is dysfunctional, many a times, we are unable to see that from a close distance.
Our friends and family can warn us all they want about the perils of such a damaging relationship, but it is only when we wake up to this reality that things can change.
How can we take control of who we are?
By going inwards and finding our strength. Courage leads us to our truth. Dealing with all parts of us- the good, the bad and the ugly, reconciling with them and accepting them is the only way that we can gain agency of ourselves.
It is a supremely difficult, and often times, very painful process. That is why we avoid it. But it is worth it in the end because we find out who we are- not, who someone else sees us to be, through the filter of their skewed lens. No longer do we then need to find validation in other people's selfish and narcissistic love.
When we are stuck in a cycle of crazy, hungry love, the question we must ask ourselves is- How did I get myself into this position? Even more importantly, Why did I get myself in a relationship where I must disguise who I am to keep the peace? What do I constantly do to appease, calm and mollify this person at work/home/play? What happens when I express my opinions, my wants and my desires? Is there even room for two in this relationship?
The answers to these questions are usually very complex and unavailable to us without deep work. And it is not advisable to go about looking for the answers on our own.
A trained mental health professional who has experience in their field, and a compassionate bend of personality is the best bet for effective help here.
In the meantime, there are many resources that can start you on the path of illumination of your past.
The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson, MSW is an excellent start to learning more about your truth in a one way relationship. If after reading this book, you recognize patterns of dysfunction that apply to your relationships, get help.
Do the work. Break free.
You're worth it!
Wishing you a week of illumination,
Until next time,
Be well, Do well, Live well