My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Sunday, February 16, 2020

Why The Practice of Self Love Self Care First is Neither Selfish Nor Self Indulgent

It's Sunita here.

We live in an amazing time where we can access the latest research on pretty much any opinion, belief or statement we read. Blogs directly link us to articles that support their content.

This is not such a blog.

This is an article based on lived experience.

I became acquainted with Self Love Self Care First (SLSCF) in my journey of healing from trauma. It was a very uncomfortable relationship, as until then, I had looked at SLSCF as a sin. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt when I even thought of putting myself first. But I slowly learned that my beliefs had not much to do with the truth, but more to do with what I had understood to be the truth.

Read on if you have thought of SLSCF as self indulgence and selfishness.

I will explain SLSCF in the simplest terms possible so you can see how it is not what you think it is.

SLSCF is about boundaries.

SLSCF boundaries do not keep others out. (Selfish, self indulgent, self defeating, self sabotage, self punishment)

SLSCF boundaries exist to protect and nourish you. (Healthy, mature, smart)

SLSCF is about your mind and your inner life, before any focus on your outward existence.

SLSCF is a commitment to act lovingly towards yourself in your thoughts. It is about not judging your feelings. It is about growing your ability and capacity to show compassion to yourself for your failings. It is about having forgiveness and mercy for yourself when you come up short. (Being human, strength to bear your weaknesses, humility and acceptance of all parts of you)

SLSCF does not give you the right to justify hurting or harming others, even if they have done you wrong. (you are still responsible for your behavior and it's consequences, even if you feel rightfully angry or hurt by someone else's behavior or actions)

SLSCF is about taking care of your body, mind and soul before any one else's.

SLSCF is a practice of taking care of yourself first so you can take care of those who depend on you. It is about cultivating vibrancy and joy inside you. It is about having the energy to tackle the many roles you have. Running on empty will get you sick, a nervous breakdown, angry, unhappy and resentful. None of these states are going to help you help others. (Giving, healthy, joyful, generous, smart)

SLSCF is not about neglecting others while you indulge in acts that you can pass off as self love. For instance, leaving a critically sick family member's bedside to go on a spur of the moment vacation. Not to be confused with the need for a caregiver of a chronically ill family member to get a break. (selfish, manipulative, neglectful)

Self Love Self Care First is about honoring your presence in the Universe. 
You deserve it.
And you are entitled to it.

The world will be a better place if you choose to practice Self Love Self Care First because you will spread love, exude joy, share enthusiasm, maximize your potential, invite curiosity, ignite imagination, promote peace and inspire others to do the same.

So the next time someone says Self Love is selfish, I hope you will set the record straight.

And in case you still feel the need of a research article or source that supports my lived experience, here's one, courtesy someone you may be familiar with. (credit:

Wishing you a journey full of SLSCF,



  1. Hi Sunita,
    Nice article to peel the layers of SLSCF. Though outwardly, so much of stigma attached to taking care of your self first, but in reality that is when you start taking care of others, because only a happy soul can share happiness.

  2. Thank you, very true. I feel the stigma that has traditionally been attached to SLSCF is a form of manipulation that is exerted by others, cultures, society so as to have people do what someone else wants them to do, and to be the way someone else wants them to be.It's hard to let go of messaging that we receive and are surrounded by and get to the truth. Trauma/depression/mental illness adds a thick layer of shame and lack of self worth that further complicates the issue. But that's why I write.