My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

I am energy. I am infinity. But I am also a poet, author, artist. wife, mother, sleep doctor, and attachment and complex childhood trauma survivor. I healed only when I understood I was broken, not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

Where did Self Love Self Care First® come from?

I needed to find meaning in my suffering so I kept thinking, “What truth did I come out of this journey with? How can I share what I know in forms other than what I receive through my poetry? What is the most foundational and fundamental truth about human existence that I discovered to be true in my suffering? That is where SLSCF® comes from.

I discovered that if we do not know our truth, we cannot love ourselves. The pain and suffering of our lives, the false external messages about life, success and achievement that we receive, and the projections and imposed expectations of others we are subjected to, mangle our truth, distract us from our destined path, and cut deep into our body, mind, and soul. They cause us to not pay attention to ourselves, and to how we live our lives. These feelings and beliefs descend into our unconscious and become habitual patterns that hijack our lives.

SelfLoveSelfCareFirst® is the journey of truthful self-examination and acceptance of our truth. Only when we are ready to find value, love, and compassion for our true selves do we begin to live free.

This blog is a celebration of love, stillness, growth, joy, discovery, and the truth. The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the common thread weaving the discussions together is Self Love Self Care First®.

You are not moving towards any light. There is no light out there. It is inside you. You must move inwards- not outwards to look for it. No one can guide you there. Only you can give yourself the permission to embark on this journey. Only you can reclaim yourself.

Your freedom is in your hands.


Sunday, December 22, 2019

Trauma Leads to Treason

It's Sunita here.

Treason is defined as the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance or to kill or personally injure the sovereign or the sovereign's family.

In law, treason is criminal disloyalty, typically to the state.

Why are we talking about Treason today? Let me explain.

Abuse, neglect, constant dismissal and disapproval of infants and children by primary caregivers are only a few of the now recognized, and currently studied trauma injuries in our society. The impact of genocide, war, refugee status and forced migration is heavy on families. It aggressively and completely destroys a child's sense of security. The burdens of parents who are mentally ill and/or have suffered from ACE's themselves are impossible to not actively be transmitted to their children. Many a times the consequences of such trans-generational trauma does not become apparent until years later.

Attachment Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experience's, ACE's affect every cell in our bodies. The impact of such trauma destroys our sense of self that must be developed, nurtured, encouraged and be present in healthy amounts in order to be motivated to practice Self Love. 

When we are struggling with depression, anxiety and the many other mental and physical manifestations of  trauma, we are unable to develop the necessary Self Care skills. Not only are we unable to practice Self Love Self Care First, but we engage in treason against our being. 

Treason as defined above! We sabotage our selves in many ways. Sometimes we adopt aggressive tactics against ourselves by turning to addictive behaviors like alcoholism, overeating, cutting ourselves, etc. Other times we turn to guerrilla warfare. Sabotaging our most important relationships, procrastinating on critical tasks that must be done to keep us out of trouble, performing at levels that are sub par of our intellect and potential are just a few of such acts.

We create an internal system of self sabotage, self punishment and self betrayal that we feed incessantly. Some of this sabotage is conscious to us, but most of it maybe unknown to us and driven by our unconscious. Even when we wake up to this tyranny against our mind, body and soul, we remain unable to change our path due to the practiced destructive patterns that our brain has stored as commands.

Trauma leads us to commit treason against our being. We betray ourselves, over and over again. We march up to The Traitor's Gate and present ourselves for gruesome torture and a most certain execution. Self Love Self Care First is only a concept, and not a reality for us- until our brain heals. And that requires treatment that is effective. And a relationship to develop that models a healthy attachment pattern. In other words, it will require Love.

As hard as the process of healing sounds, I know that it is possible. That is why I share my experience of healing through my poetry in Stripping : My Fight to Find Me. My poems are by no means easy to read. They were almost impossible to write. But I had to find the courage within to write about the inhumane imprisonment of my childhood trauma. Ultimately, I found liberation from my traitorous self thanks to what science had to offer me in terms of treatment (Davanloo's Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy, ISTDP) and, what humanity had to offer me in terms of unconditional love.

I now practice Self Love Self Care First. I hope you do too. And if you are stuck at the door of The Traitor's Gate and beyond, I hope you will find the courage to fight to heal.

Wishing you Hope for your Healing,
Be well Do well Live well


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