It's Sunita here.
I am often, as a recovering 'Shoudaholic' amazed at how common the use of the word should is.
How many times a day do you use it to remind yourself of things you need to do?
What emotion comes up when you conjure up the word should ?
How do you feel about the task you just reminded yourself to do when you use the word?
What kind of energy is attached to your motivation to do what you 'should' ?
I believe that it was the same group of people who invented medieval torture devices who went on to create the word should. Because, what other purpose does this word serve, other than to send us in a tizzy, down a path lined with guilt, shame and ample feelings of failure.
Every time I would think, I should ______ I would be transported to a world of resentment. I never understood why. I do now. That's because I am now honest with myself and realize that I did not want to do _____. It didn't serve my purpose, it wasn't my priority and it had nothing to do with my motivations. It was something that was a result of my absorption of an external message or/and someone else's expectation of me.
We have only 24 hours in a day. And a finite time in our life to accomplish our goals, fulfil our potential and realize our dreams. We determine what our priorities are. Once we do that, we must bring our full energy and commitment to our life. That means we must allot every second of our time to live life fully and with focus. There is no place for should in a life of love, passion and deliberate choices.
The only words I want to use when I think of my day now are;
I want to
I'm so lucky to
I will make time to
I'm excited to
I'm challenged to
I'm blessed to
I'm thrilled to
I can't wait to
I must (yes, we all have duties and obligations that we are not thrilled about but must attend to)
The only way we can get to a place of conscious and joyful living is by accepting the realities of our life, reconciling with all the things we will never get to do and realizing that we will never please everyone.
That's when we start to design a life that is true to who we are and what our purpose is. This fidelity to ourselves is the key to doing our best work in this Universe. The work that matters to our soul. The work that brings out our talents, gifts and inner beauty. This is the work that needs the support of people who will never remind us to do something because we should.
So here's my challenge for you today,
-Pay attention to when you say should.
-Stop when you hear yourself or someone else say it to you.
-Examine the context in which you/they said it and determine if you need to rephrase the scenario or drop the task.
Then take action accordingly.
This will create a paradigm shift for you which will support your decision to live truthfully and free.
An example of a scenario worth rephrasing for me is,
I should finish making dinner. It's getting late.
I can't wait to finish making this pasta dish and tasting it with my family. It's taken a bit longer than I wanted but it will be worth it. I am so excited to hear about everyone's day.
An example that is not worth rephrasing for me is,
I should read the book ____________ gave me for my birthday. I don't know why he did?? He knows I don't have any interest in alligator hunting....
Drop the task
There's no way I will spend my time reading this book just because he gave it to me as a gift. I'll send a nice thank you note and donate it to my local library. Or re-gift it.
You are the only one who gets to choose what is important to you. In doing so, you can eliminate all the shoulds in your life, one by one. Until you are left with only your genuine wants. And that's when the magic begins!
Wishing you a fun week of discovering those wants,
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