My book of poetry, "Stripping- My fight to find Me" is a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is a story of our deep need for connection and the infinite power of love to heal.

Hello,
It’s Sunita here.

I am a poet, an author, a wife, a mother, a clinician and a childhood trauma survivor. I healed when I understood that I was broken,
not a victim. I learnt that everything I needed was within me. And that my mental health and my inner life was the essence and driving force of my existence.

I now want to challenge and inspire you to move beyond your old stories so you can embrace possibility and fulfill your potential. So, if that is where you are in your life, I invite you to come visit with me every Friday.

The conversation is honest, the topics are varied, the perspectives are from many angles, but the bottom line is always
Self Love Self Care First. I hope you will join me in a journey of discovery, wonder, growth and a celebration of our truth.

And love

Because what else is there to talk about?

Be well, Do well, Live well,
Warmly,
Sunita

Friday, January 18, 2019

What is Self Love? A Leading Researcher Explains




My daughter Nina and I- a few hours after she was born
Hello,
It's Sunita here!

As I continue to live, learn and grow through the lens of Self Love Self Care First, I am begining to understand it from the perspective of many dimensions.

Today, I want to talk about the foundation of self love.

What is self love?
Self love is a virtue that entails bonding with yourself.

It sounds pretty simple, doesn't it? Well, it's not. There is an intricate complexity to how we see ourselves in our mind's eye. Researchers in the field of Attachment  have shown that the earliest learning ground we have for self love is in the womb, and immediately therafter with our primary caregiver/caregivers. 

Attachment theory states that a strong emotional and physical attachment to at least one primary caregiver is critical to personal developement. John Bowlby first coined the term as a result of his studies involving the developmental psychology of children from various backgrounds.


Since we do what we know, if a primary caregiver did not develope a strong sense of self in their childhood, they will be less than optimal in doing their job as the person imprinting their offspring. So attachment patterns are passed down through generations. I obviously, am oversimplifying a very complex cascade of events that shape us, but you get the drift.

Dr, Jon G. Allen, a leading researcher in the field of Attachment speaks of self love in this way, 

"Self-love is embedded in an attachment relationship, more specifically a secure attachment relationship with yourself."

Dr. Allen explains how self esteem and self worth is not something we possess, but rather something we do to value ourselves. He connects it to our inner dialog with ourselves and explains how the tone of how we speak to ourselves and the content of that conversation was determined long before we even uttered our first word. Our primary caregivers determined that voice.

We can be very harsh in our treatment of ourself. That is active self harm and self hate. He goes on to cite how 'failing to do' also significantly contributes to self neglect and self sabotage.

love/http://saynotostigma.com/2010/11/attachment-is-the-cradle-of-self-love/

We develope self love when someone loves us. When that does not happen, or occurs in a deficient or broken manner, then we suffer greatly. But, the great news is that we can learn to change these deeply embedded, damaging patterns.  I know that personally for a fact. There is hope!

I leave you with this question today.
What is the tone of your conversation with yourself?

Be well Do well Live well,
Sunita

#selfloveseflcarefirst  #jointhemovement

I invite you to read Sovereign as a post script to today's blog. It is the last in the collection of the 65 poems I wrote as I was healing from trauma. My book Stripping : My Fight to Find Me is available at SunitaMerriman.com

Please be sociable and share.



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